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You could own Dwyane Wade's former Chicago mansion for a cool $350K
Cue the “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” theme.
The scene opens in South Holland, Ill., with an aerial shot of Dwyane Wade’s former home — a 7,847-square-foot abode complete with a theater room, pool house and outdoor basketball court. Smash cut to Robin Leach, sloshing a champagne flute and muttering something about “caviar dreams.”
Leach: “Have you ever wanted to live like an NBA superstar, but can only afford a $350,000 home? Well, you’re in luck. Come on an adventure of a lifetime.” (Leach rolls eyes, signals cut to cameraman.)
The camera zooms in on a six-bedroom mansion, revealing an overgrown yard on the gated grounds and a property the Chicago Tribune described as “the crumbling Xanadu at the start of ‘Citizen Kane,'” a reference you’ll get if you’re still following after that “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” nonsense.
Back to Leach: “Live like a millionaire for a fraction of the cost!” All hope lost for a career resurgence, he’s just reading from the Redfin listing now. “Six-bedroom, 7.1-bath home. Three-car attached garage that can hold 3-4 cars,” he says, pausing, wondering who in the hell actually writes this drivel, before continuing, “theater room, exercise room, sauna. Also has a two-bedroom, one-bath guesthouse, pool. Huge gated private lot! Finished basement. Outdoor basketball court.” His voice grows softer. “Taxes reflect no exemptions.” Louder again. “Beautiful flooring in the basement. This home is just amazing, it goes on and on!” Softer. “Current tax amount is in the process of being appealed.”
The camera travels from room to room, revealing marble floors and expansive ceilings as well as stained carpets and scratched hardwood floors. Still the master bedroom and bath look stunning. Smash cut to New Kids on the Block’s Joey McIntyre, who comes with the house at no cost.
McIntyre: “This is where the magic happens.” (Leach rolls his eyes, signals cut to cameraman.)
Credits roll. Micro Machines guy reads the small type: “Property taxes increased to $58,000 annually in 2014, so you’ll be on the hook for $4,833.33 a month to Uncle Sam, but who cares? This was Dwyane freakin’ Wade’s house, and it only costs $350,000.” Cue “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” outro.
And … scene.
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This was the true story of Dwyane Wade’s former Chicago home. Well, except for the whole Robin Leach, Joey McIntyre and Micro Machines ridiculousness. (“These are your references, guy?” you say. “Get out of the ’80s, bro.”) But the whole six-bedroom gated mansion for $350,000 is the real deal.
Wade lived in the house with his ex-wife Siohvaughn Funches until 2007, when the couple divorced. Funches received the house in a settlement that included $5 million and $25,000 in monthly child support, according to reports, but the bank foreclosed on the house in 2014 after she stopped making mortgage payments. Let’s just say Wade won’t be moving back in now that he’s returned to Chicago.
“It’s got out of control — it’s like a jungle back there,” RE/MAX real estate agent Gregory Wallace told the Chicago Tribune. “It’s fair to say it’s not move-in ready. … The house is not in the best of shape.”
He added, “I don’t think he’ll go back there — it probably doesn’t have the best memories for him. Besides he makes a lot more money now.” Indeed, Wade joined the Bulls for two years, $47 million.
But he was still the proprietor of Wade manor when he won his first title, so if you’re an NBA fan, this is probably your best chance to live like a champion. Just don’t forget about those property taxes.
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is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @brohrbach
