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LCBO's Blue Jays promotion is a disgusting bargain
The LCBO has a very simple job: Provide low-grade liver poison for the masses to insert into their gullets. Their product is wildly popular and they essentially have a monopoly. They are not in what you’d call a hard business. It’s more of a printing money business.
With this in mind it’s always weird to see the LCBO make any effort to market itself. A perfect example of this phenomenon came Friday when they announced this year’s “Boys in Blue Entertaining Box.”
This box retails for very bizarre $84.35 and contains the following:
– 1 six-pack each of Budweiser and Bud Light tall cans
– 1 bottle of Barefoot Merlot
– 1 750 ml bottle of Bacardi White Rum
– 1 375 ml bottle of Bacardi Oakheart Spiced Rum
– A Blue Jays stainless steel 500 mL water bottle
– A Blue Jays hat
– A ¾ sleeve Blue Jays shirt
There are two things you need to know about this. Firstly, this is a really good deal. If you bought all the booze components separately it would cost $81.15. So you’re picking up some Blue Jays gear for pocket change, plus you’ve got yourself a pretty nice looking cardboard box to boot.
It’s possible for many people that is enough. If you are looking to get intoxicated, this is a fiscally prudent vehicle for the attainment of that goal. So, go forth and purchase it — although be warned that it appears to be out of stock at the moment.
For those who are a little more discerning, it’s worth noting that the contents of this box are downright gross.
Now it needs to be noted here that I have stated my personal feelings about Budweiser and Bud Light on the record multiple times. Here are some quotes.
On Bud Light:
Bear sweat aged in an abandoned swimming pool during an acid rain monsoon.
On Budweiser:
Preserved WWI trench water with a dash of putrid rice and liquified sausage casings
But, you don’t have to take my clearly-biased word for it. On the beer rating app Untapped, Budweiser has a rating of 2.53/5, Bud Light carries and even worse rating of 2.26/5. That’s a low-end D- and a hard F.
Things don’t get much better in this box though. The Barcardi white rum — which is the most expensive individual element included — has a 3.7/10 on Rum Ratings, while its cousin the Bacardi Oakheart spots a slightly-better 5.6/10.
Probably the least offensive item is the Barefoot Merlot, which has a 3.4/5 rating on Vivino, which falls somewhere under the umbrella of “adequate.”
There is an argument to be made that you should go ahead and acquire one of these boxes. That argument is entirely based in economics.
More compelling, however, is the argument that you should stay as far away from this box of horrors as possible. This is a basket of deplorables in the truest sense. No amount of cheap Blue Jays gear should convince you to bring it into your home.
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