Super Bowl LII Ad Reviews: Worst of the Worst

It’s best not to think what our civilization could accomplish if all the money used to buy Super Bowl ads was used elsewhere.

Every year millions and millions are dumped into trying to get you to pay attention to things you’re unlikely to retain due to inebriation or general forgettability.

While most ads are modest failures, some flop more noticably. These are those:

Company: WeatherTech
Title: American Factory
Commercial:

Analysis: Honestly, if you had Uncle Sam riding a bald eagle singing the “Star-Spangled Banner” with brief five second intermissions to remind everyone to stand for the veterans, it still wouldn’t be more ‘Murica than this ad.

Someone in a boardroom decided this whole “America First” thing was trending right now and decided to shove it down the throats of millions and millions of viewers. I’m not saying it won’t fill some nationalistic types with patriotic glee, but it’s really hard to see those warm fuzzies turning into the sale of vehicle accessories.

“We built our factory right here in America. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?”

Come. On.

Company: Budweiser
Title: Stand by You
Commercial:

Analysis: This would be a mediocre ad for the Red Cross. For Budweiser it’s sappy garbage that makes no sense. They are trying to make you associate Budweiser with hurricane relief. But it’s a beer!

If we’re talking about its effect on the human race it’s a hard net negative. That doesn’t even mention the fact it’s atrocious. Last year, in this space I described Bud Light as “bear sweat aged in an abandoned swimming pool during an acid rain monsoon”. I think Budweiser is more like preserved WWI trench water with a dash of putrid rice and liquified sausage casings.

If you want to put your charitable efforts front and centre, let’s see some statistics or a call to action, instead of this dramatized nonsense. If you’ve got something good to offer or have done something good, we need to know some specifics. If not, it’s emotionally manipulative fluff.

Company: Squarespace
Title: Make it Happen
Commercial:

Analysis: Thanks to the John Wick series, Keanu Reeves is having a mini moment right now. It’s not enough of a moment that he can just stand on a motorcycle and spew generic self-help mumbo jumbo for a whole spot and expect us to be entertained or impressed though.

If you’re working with an exceedingly low-key actor you need to make the action around him exaggerated. This just isn’t big enough.

Perhaps more importantly, for those who don’t know what Squarespace is, nothing except a tiny banner on the bottom at the very end will tell you. Nothing about this commercial sells the product and the chances of someone going to the website on they flash on the screen seems exceedingly remote.

Company: Avocados from Mexico
Title: GuacWorld
Commercial:

Analysis: Avocados from Mexico has a choppy history when it comes to Super Bowl ads, and now they’ve busted out for two years in a row. Whether “Avocados from Mexico” should have an advertising budget at all considering they are selling a commodity and there’s no way they’re going to convince people they aren’t is another debate, but if they’re going to do this they need to do it right. This time they did not.

The primary joke of the ad is the pandemonium that ensues when people find out there are no chips to go with their avocados – which is not a bad premise for a chip ad as it happens. For avocados? Not so much.

Finally the chaos is reigned in by an unconvincing plea to make avocado toast, and then it ends on a “people sure do love their internet these days” joke. Chris Elliott is present for a reason that is supposed to be funny, but isn’t. Comedy through an absurdity is an art, you can’t just throw an E-list celebrity into the mix and assume it’s good for laughs because it’s random. There is good random and bad random – unsurprisingly, the randomness here is as bad as the rest of the commercial.

Company: Coca Cola
Title: The Wonder of Us
Commercial:

Analysis: It takes approximately 3.4 seconds to tell that this commercial is brutal. The message of this ad is “we are all special individuals differentiated in meaningful ways so let’s show that by all drinking the same mass-produced corn syrup poison”.

There isn’t a Coke for everyone – to the company’s credit they have reconfigured a few basic ingredients into quite a few different product slants, but it’s all just carbonated sugar water with caffeine. This is not some exciting artisanal beverage that you drink to show you stand out in a crowd, this is a bog-standard pop. There are few things that demonstrate originality less than purchasing a Coke.

Sometimes you just have to know your product. It would make sense to associate Coke with a fun picnic with your friends, a comfortable moment at home, or even Christmas thanks to its red colouration. Trying to sell this way is non-sensical and disingenuous.

Company: Persil
Title: Professional
Commercial:

Analysis: This is just so unbelievably bland. For one, it’s not original. Mr. Clean has already cornered the market on creepy cleanliness-obsessed home invaders. There’s also a lame and thin football tie-in that adds little.

But the main problem is that there’s not one thing about this ad that makes it special or worthy of what it cost. No big cameo. No special product to introduce. No impactful info or compelling case to switch to Persil. No laughs. No feels. Just nothing. When you see this commercial you will feel nothing and then you will forget it instantly.

That’s not exactly the idea.

Company: Kia
Title: Feel Something Again
Commercial:

Analysis: Why Steven Tyler keeps popping up in Super Bowl ads is a complete mystery, but not an interesting one. It’s more Ancient Aliens than Sherlock Holmes.

The plot of this commercial doesn’t really make sense, the younger Tyler looks creepy, and the whole racing track seems off-brand for Kia – although the Stinger is, by all accounts, that kind of car. Mercifully this spot doesn’t include any painful jokes or ill-cast cameos, but it’s just not good in any way.

It looks like an ad agency trying to win awards with slick visuals and cinematography without bothering to include any content. Which, of course, is precisely what this is.