A curling Christmas wish list: Muirhead on the bagpipes and duct tape for McEwen

We'll get it out of the way right away. Yes. Yes, I did post the picture above hoping that Santa will plop one of those way cool curling sweaters, or ponchos - whatever they are - under my tree this year. As Scrooge says in that electronics commercial that's making the rounds, "I want that, indeed."

I'd also like Eve Muirhead to host a holiday special, one where she plays Christmas songs on the bagpipes for a solid hour. I triple-dog-dare you to tell me you wouldn't tune in for that. There's something about the great irony of "Silent Night" being skirled out by the greatest, boldest, instrument ever invented that really appeals. And Muirhead is in the spirit, having just won the Canadian Open.

That's all I want. And another whizbang men's final in the Alberta provincial championship. Oh, wait. I also want an end to all first end blanks. You each just had a warm up session on that very sheet, players. Let's not agree to another one in the first end.

Christmas is not all about the taking, though. That's why I've compiled a list (not checked twice, so if you see any spelling mistakes that's why) of things I'd like to give curlers and the game, itself, this Christmas.

For Brad Gushue, an announcement that The Brier is heading for St. John's in 2017. Or, 2018. Not picky. Now, I'm not saying we all want a Brier in St. John's. But... WE ALL WANT A BRIER IN ST. JOHN'S. If only to see Vic Rauter kiss a cod in one of his local-flavour vignettes. Gushue and a bunch of other folks have been working on getting the championship back to Newfoundland and Labrador for the first time since 1972. He thinks we're getting close.

For Mike McEwen, a nice big pack of red duct tape. There is no way McEwen is giving up that old broom that he shoots with. It already has layer upon layer upon layer of tape holding it together. Electrical tape does a nice job but red duct tape would match those pants so much better.

For Heather Nedohin, a gift basket filled with sugar plums. I think I've got that right. Wait, it's sugar balls. Anybody know if Pete Schweddy makes those?

For fans of curling fun, more trick shootery at the Continental Cup, in Calgary. It was fun watching Kaitlyn Lawes attempt her first spin-o-rama last year, and John Morris with his 'round the leg shot. Here's hoping someone comes up with something compelling and outrageous during garbage time of one of the friendlies. A stomach-slide-spin-o-rama. A backwards, between the legs shot. Paul Gross' exploding rock shot from Men With Brooms. The sky's the limit, curlers. Let's break out the jazz hands.

For the TSN Skins Game, I wish for nothing. Now that they've brought the ladies back into the mix, it's all good. Although, a mixed all-star event could be fun, as well as one that features players in positions other than their usual. We all know that inside every lead is a skip just waiting to burst out. Let's see Lisa Weagle calling the shots. Let's see Glenn Howard sweeping the length of the ice. Sorry, Glenn. Oh and a lefties versus righties game. I got a million of 'em.

For Morris, a pair of non lime green shoes. Or, at the very least, one of Howard's white belts to really complete the scene. With a pair of Team McEwen's red pants. Now we're talking.

For lovers of comebacks, more five-rock rule. So far the Grand Slam of Curling events that have featured it have been dynamite. One little wrinkle I'd like to see them try; A five-rock rule where no rock - including rocks in the rings - can be hit out of play until the sixth stone of the end. I have no idea what that would do to the game but I'd like to see just what. One thing I know is that it would make those first end blanks much more difficult.

For Sportsnet's Mike Harris, a spot in the Ontario provincial championship game. But, the condition would be that he still has to do colour commentary while playing. "I'm not sure what Mike Harris is thinking with this call," would be hilarious and confusing to hear if Mike Harris the commentator said it as Mike Harris the skip was setting the broom.

For Team Jennifer Jones, a little recognition. Sure, they've had a street named after them. Yes, a giant mural of their faces was painted on the St. Vital Curling Club. Okay, they were honoured guests at The Junos and starred in a Sheepdogs' curling video. But to my knowledge, not a single planet has been renamed in their honour. Come on, people, let's get this done.

For Team Brad Jacobs, an actual comic book series based on their exploits, entitled "The Legion of Broom." The illustrators will be the same guys who did their tattoos. What super powers will they have? Oh, I dunno, only the power to awesomely out-bellow and out-fist pump any villain, that's all.  As well as super core strength, of course.

I leave you with video of a young Eve Muirhead playing the bagpipes. If you love curling, you're my kind of people. If you don't like the bagpipes? Well, you and me, we're gonna have a problem.

Merry Christmas. And as Tiny Tim was heard to exclaim: "Good curling, everyone!"