Could you beat Usain Bolt in the Olympic 100 metres? The Guardian lets you try

You can't beat Usain Bolt in an Olympic 100 metre race, even if you really want to and have a computer aiding your cause.

In the world of old school video games, as in real life, he'll smoke you, even if you try to cheat.

British newspaper The Guardian gives you an opportunity to line up against Bolt as well as a number of other Olympic gold medallists throughout history (and a mythical creature or two) in a tremendously fun online video game, with a style that echoes the good old days of Intellivision and Atari. The graphics look hilariously like those games that will rekindle the memories of anyone who grew up in the 1970's and 1980's.

[Memorable Moments: Bolt's 'wow' moment in Beijing]

Simple to use, a player enters their name, chooses the country they'd like to represent, as well as one of four events to partake in: the 100-metre sprint, 100-metre freestyle, cycling road race or 10-kilometre run. You are asked to honestly enter your physical limitations for the event and then you're off to the races.

I have a vague memory of running the 100 metres, back in high school, in about 14 seconds. Decades removed from that glory (and knowing that my weekly softball team would back me up when I say I haven't lost much in the way of speed, right?) I told the computer that I thought I could finish in 15.5 seconds. Knowing that I had no chance against modern runners, I had brash dreams about finishing atop the podium at the 1896 Games.

Uh, no.

I trailed the 1896 gold medallist, Fritz Hofmann (correct spelling - it's wrong in the game's graphics) of Germany, by 3.3 seconds. In fact, I missed a bronze medal by almost three seconds.

However, I figured I'd get my revenge as, the next time I played, I tried to convince the game that I could run the 100 in 9.68 seconds. Seeing as how Bolt's Olympic record stands at 9.69, and that is the mark they use for him in this game, I figured I could nip him at the tape.

[Slideshow: Inspirational Olympic moments]

Good plan. Except the computer knew that was B.S.

Lowest time it would let me enter was 10 seconds flat. In that race, I took bronze, beating Jesse Owens by more than 3/10ths of a second.

Needless to say, I got beaten quite handily in all the events. In the 100-metre freestyle, it looked for a second like my little guy stopped mid-race and was in danger of drowning, but he rallied to finish, albeit last by a huge amount.

The game makers have a little fun with the events, mixing up the field from time to time (Donovan Bailey shows up) and giving you the opportunity to boost your performance by hammering at the "X" and "Z" keys on your keyboard.

Oh and another thing:

There's a hilarious feature that allows you to "unlock the animals" during a race (you need to add The Guardian's Facebook app to access it, though). Take that option and you're bound to see some weirdness. I won't spoil the results of that one but suffice it to say, if they'd let me ride Pegasus in that race, I do believe I'd be the toast of London 2012.

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