A vain attempt at reviewing Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner's ballet debut

On Wednesday night two of the Toronto Maple Leafs’ biggest stars broadened their horizons by making their ballet debuts.

Auston Matthews and Mitch Marner appeared in “The Nutcracker” as Cannon Dolls — a role pioneered for hockey players by Mats Sundin more than a decade ago.

One assumes this role is ideal for celebrity cameos because it involves no actual ballet, and ballet is extraordinarily hard to do. The next person who is a world-class hockey player and worthy of a spot in the National Ballet of Canada on technical merit will almost certainly be the first.

So, how did the lads do? Take a look for yourself:

Now, it’s time for a confession. I could not know less about ballet. I have seen Black Swan and I believe I was dragged to the Nutcracker at one point when I was a child, but it’s possible that’s an entirely false memory. The less said about my own ability to dance the better.

However, I watched this clip an inordinate amount of times in an effort to bring you, the reader, some semblance of a review. Early on, it was apparent that too much was happening on screen for me to absorb it in its totality. As a result I specifically watched Matthews and Marner in turn in order to grade them separately. Here are one radically unqualified man’s opinion on the performance:

Auston Matthews

Strengths:

• Enthusiasm: Matthews has a smile on his face the entire time. When the performer is having fun it helps the audience have fun and Matthews lets the crowd know they don’t have to worry about him from the jump.

• Carrying ability: The 21-year-old scoops up Marner like he weighed virtually nothing. Although the winger is small by NHL standards, he is still a fully grown human man and Matthews makes the lift look smooth and easy.

Weaknesses:

• Versatility: There was no doubt that Matthews has a go-to move out there and he doesn’t like straying from it. The windmill arm has some charm to be sure, and it felt contextually appropriate to some degree, but the lack of a second option implies a shallowness in the American’s repertoire.

• Finger guns: Far too crotch-adjacent. Matthews needs to get some arm extension to make them more visible to the audience and less disturbing.

Overall Grade:

• B : Matthews brings both potent strengths and profound weaknesses to the table in his ballet cameo. He is certainly engaged, but he doesn’t seem to project much of a character. He looks like Auston Matthews having fun onstage, which is probably about what the audience expected of him.

Mitch Marner

Strengths:

• Character motivation: One of the most important things a performer can bring to a character they inhabit is a clear objective. From the moment we see Marner, we know he does not want the cannon to fire. We don’t know exactly why per se, but he has an instant purpose.

• Hat awareness: Unlike Matthews, who has his hat going into his face and has to adjust it, Marner does an excellent job of keeping the tail of his headgear where it needs to be despite all the head-shaking he does.

• Looking the part: It’s nothing that Marner does, but he looks like a cannon doll. The casting just works, which gives him believability right away.

Weaknesses:

• Over-reliance on covering his face: Covering the face makes sense from a character standpoint as Marner’s cannon doll can’t bear to see what happens next. However, in a technical sense it’s not a good call because the audience can’t see his face — and therefore his expressions — for a huge percentage of the time he’s on stage.

• Missed opportunity: After Matthews carries the limp Marner to the side of the stage, he gives his teammate a perfect chance to earn a laugh from the audience when he administers CPR. If Marner jolts up and awake that second the potential for a good physical comedy moment is there, but instead he squanders it by getting up slowly and in an unremarkable fashion.

Overall Grade:

• A- : Marner’s performance isn’t perfect, but he brings good stage presence and a consistent character to the fore. The fact the diminutive playmaker looks like a children’s doll is the cherry on top of his rock-solid cameo.

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