Sex Lives: A 52-Year-Old Guy Who's Done 600 Tributes on Reddit

Illustration by Michael Houtz

Sex Lives chronicles the evolution of one person's sexual history. This week: Patrick, 52, Indianapolis, IN.

The first time I jacked off, I remember being in a tub by myself, and I got an erection. And I remember whacking off and coming. It must have been mental stimulation because I was in the bath. I don’t remember having a magazine. It was the 70s, so you didn’t have a cell phone to bring up porn. It was all imagination.

I'm pretty sure I was 16 when I lost my virginity, and she was a lot more experienced than me. I remember the first time having sex and laying there like just frozen because I didn't have a clue. But thankfully, well, hopefully, I got better. As I said, she was more experienced than I was. When you’re 16, any time you can have sex, you’re having sex. We were dating, and she knew it was my first time. After that, we had sex a lot. She and I worked together, and my mom worked as a nurse and worked either 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. or 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., so there was normally no parent at my house, so we’d go back to my house and have sex.

I went to college for a year; it didn't work out. I joined the National Guard right out of high school, so I went to basic training, returned home, and attempted college. I was not mature enough to go to college. I’d had a few girlfriends in high school. I didn’t hook up with anybody in basic training. During my first attempt at college, I did hook up with one or two girls. I was working at a restaurant then, and I hooked up with a couple of waitresses there. And then, I started dating the lady that would turn out to be the mother of my first child; we never got married.

We had a class together, and I thought she was cute. We started talking. I don’t know how long we dated before she got pregnant—maybe six or eight months. After she got pregnant, we tried to make it work, but it didn’t work. I ended up joining the Army; I was in the Army for seven or eight years. My first duty station was in Korea. I actually had sex with a couple of Korean women and two or three American women when I was over there. [The mother of my first kid and I] weren’t dating anymore; that was finished. So I was free. One of the Korean women didn't speak English, so that was interesting. I felt like that was one of those situations where I was like: What is going on? We can't really communicate, but apparently, we can have sex.

The sex with one of the women at the restaurant always seems to stand out—and I mean, I’ve had sex with a decent amount of women. We had sex a few times. There was one night when she was not going to let me get soft; she wanted to have sex. She blew me the first time, and as soon as she got done blowing me, she jumped on me, and we started having sex, and I came again. At that point, I figured, okay, we’re done. It’s not like I had a ton of experience then, but most of my experience was that most women don't want to have sex for a very long time. When I came again, she was like, “Nope, I'm gonna keep you up, and we're gonna keep going.” I think I came four times. I’d never come that many times (maybe I’d had sex multiple times in a day over an eight to 10-hour period). But she was just like, “I want to have a lot of sex tonight!” And of course, as a guy, you’re like: Yeah, okay. I'm not like I'm not saying no!

When I was in the military, I was stationed in Korea, Oklahoma, and Fort Bragg. Nothing spectacular happened; I dated a few women, and then I met my first ex-wife when I was in Oklahoma. She came with me to Fort Bragg, but we divorced when I left the Army. She stayed there, and I came back to Indiana. The sex was good; I always enjoyed the sex with her when things were going well. She might be the first woman who ever blew me while I was driving.

Being in the military, you drive a lot. We were driving, and I can’t remember how it came up, but she was blowing me, and we passed a semi-truck. And the semi honked. Afterward, she was like, “Why’d that truck honk at us?” And I was like, “I’m pretty sure they saw what was going on in the car.” She just laughed about it. Ultimately, we couldn’t communicate about things. Also, it kinda came down to money. I hate making it seem like I’m talking about her, but when I was in the Army, she would say, “Yeah, I’ll get a job,” and she wouldn’t ever get a job. It made things tight for us.

When I was in the military in North Carolina, there was a rule that you had to be separated for a year before you could get divorced. So, when I got out of the Army, I had to hang around North Carolina for a year. That was during the AOL chat room era. I don't know if a guy can be a hoe, but I was. I didn't hook up with the best-looking women, but I hooked up with quite a few women from the chat room that year. We’d start chatting, and they’re like, “Hey, want to meet up?” and I’m like, “Yeah, sure.” Looking back, it was stupid. You don’t know what could happen, you know? I wasn’t thinking about that. All I was thinking about was getting laid.

I came back to Indiana and went back to college. I was in my late twenties, and it took me five years to graduate. I didn’t really do anything with anyone because I was older. There were a few times when I’d be in class and start to talk to somebody, and they’d be like, “I’m eighteen!” and I’d be like, “No, no.” I didn’t really date or hook up with anyone then.

This is not one of my finer moments. It was one of those moments where you know she’s married, but man, she’s a lot of fun to be around. I know people say, “Oh, it just happened,” but it really did! There was a bar close to work, and I went over there, and I was just hanging out, and we got to talking; I knew she was married. And she pulled me in and kissed me, and I kissed her back, and she was like, “Is that ok?” And I’m like, “I think so.” She was a lot of fun!

We worked together, but she worked the first shift, and I worked the second shift. And she’d normally stay around work until I took a lunch, and then we’d have sex in a car, or we would rent hotel rooms. A couple of times, we had sex in a park nearby. We'd be walking on a path, she’d pull me off of the path, and she’d get up next to a tree and bend over and drop her pants, and away we'd go.

Her husband never found out about the affair. But just to make me sound like an even greater guy, her husband actually committed suicide. She never would discuss it with me, and I wasn’t trying to pry. We stayed together a bit after that happened, but I think it was too much for her. She was just all-around fun, and I enjoyed talking to her, and she was incredibly adventurous. I don’t know if that’s because that’s the way it had to be—we couldn't go to a house or anything. I lived with my mom at the time.

I think the next person I was with might be my second ex-wife. I met her on New Year’s Eve 2007 or 2008, and we dated. We both had kids, so we dated for six months before we introduced each other to the kids. Honestly, this was one of my not-smart times. Looking back, there were a lot of red flags I ignored because I was getting sex. I mean, that’s honestly what it comes down to. I was getting laid on a regular basis. Her kids would go to their dad's on weekends, and my daughter was old enough to stay by herself, so I’d go spend weekends with her, and we’d have sex. She was adventurous, too. She also blew me while I was driving. We had sex in the car a bunch of times. One time, we went to a concert, and we got out of the car, and she was like, “Get in the back.” And I was like, “Oh, ok.”

One thing that we did well was communicate. She was like, “I’m not going to come every time we have sex, and that’s ok.” But she was like, “If I don't come, you’re going to have to do something to make me come.” And I was like, ok, I can do that. Unfortunately, she didn’t like me to go down on her, regardless of the situation, but if we had sex and she didn’t come from penetration, she’d just ask me to play with her clit and suck on her boobs, and she’d end up coming.

Something I’ve found and done a lot in the past few years is Reddit tributes. I think the last time I counted, I’d done over 600. If you don’t know what that is, a woman posts a picture, and you video yourself coming on the picture, and then you post the videos online. Sometimes the woman responds, and sometimes she doesn’t.

After I got divorced, I found It’s not out there anymore. Not very often—because I was honestly a bit scared—but I met some sex workers there. After that went away, I haven’t really had that much sex. I enjoyed it with some of them. There was one who I really liked meeting with who unfortunately passed away. She was based out of Vegas, but she had friends in Indiana. The first time I met up with her, she visited them.

It was a lot of fun. I like coming twice; I prefer to get blown and come and then have sex and come. She was okay with that, but not all of them are. And I met up with her two or three more times. And then last year on Twitter, there was a post that said that she’d passed away. I have no idea what happened. It hurt because she was really nice and fun to be around. I’ve met with a few others. Honestly, I don’t want to meet with women under 30 or 35, and most of the sex workers around here are under that. It just feels weird.

I don’t like to lie to people, and hopefully, in the next couple of years, I’ll meet a woman, but if they ask me, “Have you ever been with a sex worker?” I’ll be like, “Yeah.” In my book, it’s like one every couple of months, maybe, not like every single week. I don’t know if that would make a difference.

Originally Appeared on GQ

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