No sunglasses necessary. These are the moments when Shane Beamer is at his best

There are times when you want Shane Beamer to turn into Bobby Knight. Throw a chair. Get pissed. Irate! Flip (not kick) some water coolers. Do something.

Stop being happy, Shane. Please!

Beamer, though, seems to be the eternal optimist. And, if nothing else, he is consistent — so consistent that you could probably make a bingo card before his post-ugly-win press conferences: “We celebrate wins here.” “Find some joy.” “A lot of good things.” “If you don’t include (blank), (blank), and (blank), we actually played great.”

After a dogfight, four-point win over Old Dominion last week, Beamer walked into his press conference almost too happy. He was talking about the time of possession battle and giving rushing stats that included three caveats. He found ways to shrine light on all the good.

You know what people hate to hear after a game like that? Positives. Don’t give puppies and rainbows to folks who want fire and anger. That was a day, and this past week was one of those stretches where what your eyes saw and what his mouth said were in opposite stratospheres.

But, darn it if he isn’t right sometimes. If he doesn’t pull you back in, make you a believer. If he isn’t so fun to rally around that you’re a little disappointed he didn’t want to be extra petty after Saturday’s win.

Ah, yes, we have to bring up the “stupid sunglasses” remark. It was two years ago that South Carolina edged out Kentucky in Lexington and Beamer, pulling from a Mark Stoops quote from months earlier, fired up his squad in the locker room by dancing around in those sunglasses.

After South Carolina’s 31-6 win over the Wildcats on Saturday, Beamer was asked if he broke out the sunglasses again.

“No sunglasses. That’s so 2022,” Beamer said with a chuckle.

He wrapped up with his postgame TV interview on the field Saturday night and ran over to the South Carolina section of Kroger Field. This is Beamer at his best. These are the moments when fans are eating out of his hand. If they ever called his optimism a shtick, they now love the shtick.

Beamer ran over to the garnet-clad supporters with his hands raised like Rocky Balboa, fist pumping, galloping in the air with no one around him. In the best way possible, he looked like a kid as he ran around the field high-fiving every hand he could reach.

Them he went into the press conference room and started telling reporters — in a respectful way — that “frankly there were a lot of false and lazy narratives out there” over the last week.

Yet, he probably loved that there were false and lazy narratives. Heck, he was making some up himself.

According to a sideline report from ABC’s Molly McGrath, Beamer told his defense this week that they were the JV squad and Kentucky was varsity, telling them all the NFL scouts were in attendance to watch Kentucky defensive tackle Deone Walker, not them. According to Beamer, that was as far as his motivational tactics went.

“I never once mentioned we’re underdogs,” he said. “I know the narrative, ‘Oh, Shane’s on social media and he’s looking at what people are saying about him.’ I mean, not really. But I don’t go live in a hole either. Or in a cave. I know coaches say that.”

Beamer went on to say that after a morning run Saturday, he saw SEC Network analyst Chris Doering say South Carolina’s offensive line was “terrible” last week.

These are the moments when Beamer is at his best. It would be hard to find a coach who gets people more fired up after a big win than Beamer, who can point to every slight, every misconception, every narrative about South Carolina and come back with the retort, ‘Well, actually...”

There are anecdotes and quotes that he shares that are wild to hear from a head coach. Sometimes he says them after losses — or shaky wins — and fans don’t want to hear it. But a couple of times a year, he unleashes them after a big win and you’re lying if you don’t want to pump your fist and put on some sunglasses.

The best example might have come from Beamer talking about the “lazy narratives” and what those influenced.

“Not that I pay attention to gambling lines, but that’s why the line continued to get bigger this week, I think, for Kentucky as the week went,” Beamer said, before apologizing to SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey for talking about gambling. “There wasn’t a lot of belief in this program.”

Darn right there wasn’t.

Nothing from that Old Dominion game made anyone think South Carolina could put up 31 points in an SEC road game. Yes, the defense was good last week, but who on earth thought South Carolina’s defense could hold Kentucky to 44 passing yards? Who thought quarterback LaNorris Sellers was going to complete 73% of his passes? Who thought Kentucky’s offense was going to look like it was going to wither like a whoopee cushion against Dylan Stewart, Kyle Kennard and those dudes on the D-line?

Did Beamer? What do you think?

“This isn’t like some surprise,” Beamer said. “We truly expected to win this football game. ... We’re 1-0. We’re atop the SEC standings. It’s a great statement win for our program right now.”