“Who has the best hockey profile photo?”
This very important question was posted on Twitter by popular database website “HockeyDB” last week, and the thread, as expected, yielded incredible results.
Inspired by those who contributed to the thread and after diving into the depths of headshot heaven myself for way too long, it’s our societal duty to keep building on this — to take it a step further, and put in the critically important work of ranking the greatest hockey mugshots to ever live on the interwebs.
Full warning, there will be absolutely no hockey accolades, stats, history or information divulged here. We will focus on what’s really important: the facial and photo features that make these avatars so legendary. You will learn nothing, but you will heal, at least, just a little.
(All photos obtained from HockeyDB.com)
No. 11 — Denis Potvin’s “Rainbow Rouge”
The first thing that jumps out from this masterpiece is the exquisite colour contrast. The 70’s green background together with the flowing red locks are complimented perfectly by the red-green jersey collar setup. The rouge half-cut, rainbow-style handlebar ‘stache tops this AVI off just right.
No. 10 — Mathieu Perreault’s “Can’t Find My Face”
It’s just so much hair, an exorbitant amount of salad. Perreault’s rocked one of the league’s finest mops for a few seasons now, and his headshot from a couple campaigns back is an all-timer.
No. 9 — Butch Goring’s “Pasta Salad”
It’s generally very hard to compete with the mugshots of “Butch’s” but this one absolutely does the name justice. The dry spaghetti hair, that fine Regina rug residing above his lip, the way they work so well in unison. This, my friends, is art.
No. 8 — Brent Burns’ “Toothless Wildebeest”
Burns’ look is about as legendary as they come, and no one in the history of the game — maybe all sports — has pulled off the toothless-bearded-man bun combo like our boy here. Barrie, Ontario forever.
No. 7 — Willi Plett’s “Drago With A Bowl Cut”
I can’t stop laughing. I got nothing.
No. 6 — Mark Stone’s “I Will Murder You, But I’ll Feel Bad About It”
Mark Stone can be absolutely terrifying on the ice and, by all accounts, a delightful man off of it. This AVI blends the two sentiments just perfectly. I’m so, so frightened when I look at it, but also get the sense that Mark would be there to catch me when I fall. All-time great bed-head featured in this gem, too.
No. 5 — Doug Smith’s “Everything On My Face Is Broken”
Doug Smith never quite cracked the show, but there needs to be a movie made about whatever happened to this dude’s face in the days and weeks leading up to the taking of this photo. Just legendary, Mr. Potato Head stuff here.
No. 4 — Lee Crozier’s “Handlebar Deluxe”
Someone by the name of ‘Geoff W’ posted the simple caption “Family friend,” and dropped this absolute savage in the above thread, leaving me speechless and forever indebted to this man in the process.
No. 3 — Travis Green’s “Winnipeg Waterfall”
Full stop, greatest mullet of all-time (mullet, NOT skullet). There’s been some bangers in the past but this back blanket living on the head of Travis Green is the GOAT and I don’t believe anyone could ever change my mind.
No. 2 — John Tortorella’s “Winter Lip Blanket”
This legendary snap of Torts has gained traction on more than one occasion in the past, so let’s rightfully bring it to light once more. A perfectly cut, but fairly standard cop-style moustache is the highlighting feature in this iconic pic, but there’s something about the deer-in-headlight looks in Torts’ eyes here that just slays me to the core.
No. 1 — Duke Harris’ “Sideburn Sizzler”
This is a real photo, and no single headshot will ever beat it. Duke forever.
Let us know what we missed or what other contenders you’d toss into the mix. These legends deserve their shine.
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