N.C. State alum, gold medalist Ryan Held still the same ‘happy-go-lucky-kid’ at Olympics

In many ways, Ryan Held has matured since capturing gold at the 2016 Olympics. He’s no longer the college kid eating frozen pizzas and playing video games late into the night. Held is more aware of his identity and presence. The Ryan Held competing at the 2024 Paris Games prioritizes rest and recovery.

But Held, 29, also prioritizes fun. In this way, he’s unchanged. When Held and his teammates enter the freezing cold pool at Arizona State University — where Held has trained since 2021 — they leap outwards to touch the backstroke flags dangling five yards from the pool’s edge. Held encourages his training partners to throw in a 360, or tap the flags with their feet.

Held’s personality is inherently at odds with the nature of his sport. Speaking to The News & Observer, he described swimming as unjustified and cruel at times. His tone suddenly shifted. Held’s warm and affable personality took a backseat role as he recalled his experience at the pandemic-delayed trials in 2021, where he failed to qualify for the Olympics on a technicality.

“That setback made me think about, ‘OK, how do I get better at my sport?’” Held said. “I think the big thing was working with a sports psychologist this past year. I truly believe that was the difference between [being] a one-time Olympian and a two-time Olympian.”

Yes, he had to improve his aerobic development. Held also trained different strokes in the offseason to challenge himself.

But, in many ways, what Held needed most was to tap back into his inner child.

‘He’s just this fun kid enjoying himself’

Held was the first to the pool deck at USA Swimming’s domestic training camp ahead of the Paris Olympics. On this day, a Saturday, the practice was open to the public. Amid a focused training session at Cary’s Triangle Aquatic Center, he took time to interact with the crowd.

With scores of children in the stands above him, Held sang along as “Y.M.C.A.” by the Village People played over the speakers.

It was a fitting scene. Held got his start at the Springfield, Illinois, YMCA as a child and continued swimming there through high school.

That’s pretty rare among elite swimmers — dedicating extensive time to what some would call “not as serious” training.

But Held has never been one to take himself too seriously. His gold medal, now raggedy and chipped from the times he’s thrown it in his back pocket, is in a box somewhere collecting dust. Held said he doesn’t “think about it ever.”

Todd DeSorbo, a former associate head coach at N.C. State, said Held is still the same 16-year-old he recruited and later coached up to Olympic glory. The same kid who became America’s darling when he sobbed on the Olympic podium in 2016 and later signed autographs in what can best be described as juvenile cursive penmanship.

“He, to me, embraces the dream that any 10-year-old ever had of making the Olympic team and continues to do that now in his second Olympics and he’s pushing 30 years old,” said DeSorbo, now U.S. Olympic team head coach. “He’s just this fun kid enjoying himself and doing what he loves.”

In Cary, Held paused his lap swimming to dap up fellow Olympic gold medalist and N.C. State alum Cullen Jones. He held up the Wolfpack sign to the cheers of the crowd.

But after the lanes filled up with his teammates, Held stepped out of the pool. He sat on a bench away from the action. Just breathing. Contemplating. This, too, has been part of his journey.

The jovial appearance of Held is innate, but also took effort — and a few near-breaking points — to cultivate.

‘I knew deep down something just doesn’t feel right’

Held entered the 2021 Olympic trials amid an unstable training situation, and that’s putting it lightly.

He lifted weights in his coach’s basement. Held, employing his Eagle Scout training, built jerk blocks out of wood. He also manufactured a squat rack and a pulley system for his cable rows.

It was adequate, his head coach Coley Stickels said, but clearly not ideal.

In December, 2020, Stickels resigned as Alabama’s head coach, meaning no access to the Crimson Tide’s facilities.

Held and training partner Ali Khalafalla bounced around various pools. At one point, they swam at a yacht club. Khalafalla recalls the two-lane pool being “super wavy” and hot.

Sometimes Stickels and his two swimmers arrived at a facility only to be told their reservation wasn’t there. They might have 30 minutes to swim. Or be limited to one lane. Or be without a starting block.

Eventually the Birmingham Crossplex — a 50-minute drive each way — became the primary training location.

Birmingham was all business. No more fun practices with the music blasting. Get in the water, do your work and leave.

Held, speaking to SwimSwam in 2022, described that time as mentally draining. Physically speaking, Held and Khalafalla put in the work. But Held’s head wasn’t in it. He didn’t want to be there, but he was stuck.

“It was a very memorable time for us because we weren’t planning on moving until we found out what was going to happen with the Olympics in 2020,” Khalafalla said. “We would just kind of hang around the apartment, doing some puzzles [and] making the time go by. It was definitely boring.”

That sense of isolation continued for Held at trials. He was alone. No teammates for banter, card games — anything to take his mind off of things. Nope. Just an empty hotel room with hours to kill.

Held experienced what he now, with the help of his psychologist, has identified as “ego protection thoughts.” He explained it as “grieving something that hasn’t happened to lessen the sting when it finally does.”

“I put on this big mask of, ‘Yeah! I’m gonna be at the [Olympic] Games! I’m gonna have fun!’” Held told The N&O. “But in my heart of hearts, I knew the training situation was just different and difficult. ... I knew deep down something just doesn’t feel right.”

Held said he tried his best, but the law of dominant thought won out. He finished sixth in the 100 freestyle and, because of roster limitations, was left at home.

And, while Held’s vulnerability has come a long way, he summed up the pain, anger and confusion that followed in just 10 words.

“It was a pretty big bummer,” Held said. “A very low point.”

‘What’s the point of doing any of this?’

Herbie Behm, head swimming coach at Arizona State, began working with Held in the fall of 2021. He said that from the beginning, Held was a “professional” in terms of preparation, sleep and nutrition.

It was his emotional intelligence that needed work.

Behm recalls a specific practice, two to three months into Held’s time at ASU, where the sprinter was clearly frustrated.

When Behm approached Held after that day’s session, the Olympian broke down.

“I worked so hard and had the worst experience of my life this last year,” Behm recalls Held saying. “What’s the point of doing any of this? I’m not even beating these college kids.”

The two, who rarely chatted before, spoke for nearly 30 minutes. Now, Behm said they can intervene when Held is at a “three out of 10” rather than “waiting to get to a nine.”

Mental counseling helped, but so did Held’s time away from swimming.

When Held married fellow N.C. State swimming alumnus Lexie Lupton in December 2022, Behm said Held was “super flaky on training.” This made Behm nervous, especially with the world championship trials in May.

“Looking back, that was one of the best things that could have happened to get into this finish line of an Olympics,” Behm said. “He had six months where he wasn’t just ‘Ryan the swimmer’ every second, all the time. Swimming wasn’t making all the decisions. … I think that did allow him to be super-focused here.”

At the 2023 World Aquatics Championships, Held and the U.S. earned bronze in the 400 free relay. Since then, he’s made big strides physically.

Jacob Garrity, an ASU strength coach who’s worked with Held the past two years, credited the swimmer’s focus in their training sessions.

“For someone of his age, it’s very hard to continue to add strength to different areas,” Garrity said. “He was able to do that in a very impressive manner.”

In many ways, a different Ryan Held took to the 2024 U.S. Olympic Team Trials in Indianapolis. This allowed him to push past the fear and flashbacks to 2021.

But, in many ways, the same Ryan Held secured fifth place in the 100 freestyle and his spot on the Olympic roster once again. He swam for the 8-year-old Ryan who first fell in love with swimming.

“That happy-go-lucky kid who loves swimming and racing is still inside me,” Held said.

Held, more mature than ever, is racing like a kid again. And that’s exactly why he’s back at the Olympics.