MLB Power Rankings: Are the Yankees for real?

On Alex Rodriguez’s milestone, Justin Verlander’s rehab plans and Torii Hunter’s preferred transportation:

The rankings (records through Wednesday’s games):

1. St. Louis Cardinals (23-10; Previous: 1) – Matt Carpenter, 29, sits out with “extreme fatigue.” Man, is he gonna hate his 50s.

2. Los Angeles Dodgers (22-11; Previous: 6) – Joc Pederson king of three true outcomes – homer, walk, strikeout. Unlisted fourth true outcome is running into Yasiel Puig in gap.

3. Kansas City Royals (21-13; Previous: 2) – Things much calmer once it was explained to Yordano Ventura that WAR is just an acronym.

4. New York Yankees (21-14; Previous: 8) – Team Twitter account indifferent on A-Rod milestones, social media guy explains he’s waiting for home runs to be verified with blue checkmarks.

5. New York Mets (20-14; Previous: 3) – Bartolo Colon has beaten the Orioles for seven different teams, ties Bud Norris.

6. Houston Astros (21-13; Previous: 5) – Did you know Orbit’s also the guy who can get you discount hotels and airfare?

7. Detroit Tigers (20-14; Previous: 4) – Rehabbing Justin Verlander scolded by fans for being out and about with Kate Upton, sardonically promises to spend more time in bed. Probably wasn’t being sardonic.

8. Chicago Cubs (18-15; Previous: 7) – Wrigley Field left-field bleachers open, fans come to realize how much they’d missed Chris Coghlan.

9. Washington Nationals (19-16; Previous: 25) – Bryce Harper’s hair may not be for everybody, but Statcast gives it a 97.4-percent route efficiency rating.

10. Tampa Bay Rays (19-16; Previous: 10) – Rays strapped season to Smyly, Archer, among other emoticons.

11. Minnesota Twins (19-15; Previous: 24) – Torii Hunter comes up a triple shy of cycle. At his age, would’ve been one of those three-wheelers with a basket on the back.

12. San Diego Padres (18-17; Previous: 14) – Padres trying to figure out if defense has made pitching worse or pitching has made defense worse. Kind of a chicken or the eek thing.

13. San Francisco Giants (17-17; Previous: 26) – Giants sweep Dodgers and Angels at home, win themselves a week’s worth of smog and freeway construction.

14. Pittsburgh Pirates (17-17; Previous: 9) – Clint Hurdle points out that if he sits every struggling player, wouldn’t have enough to field team. We await his decision.

15. Toronto Blue Jays (17-18; Previous: 13) – In hindsight, Brook Jacoby thinks maybe the flamethrower was a little over the top.

16. Los Angeles Angels (17-17; Previous: 15) – Angels have worst left field production in baseball, but way above average in, you know, the principle of the thing.

17. Cincinnati Reds (17-17; Previous: 19) – If this postgame chocolate syrup thing catches on, Jumbo Diaz wants in.

18. Baltimore Orioles (15-17; Previous: 16) – Global warming has fouled up everything; Orioles way too far south for this time of year.

19. Seattle Mariners (15-18; Previous: 21) – Mariners hope to right ship, which you’d think they’d be pretty good at.

20. Boston Red Sox (16-18; Previous: 11) – Red Sox hire new pitching coach, hold team meeting, agree to blame old guy and move on.

21. Arizona Diamondbacks (15-18; Previous: 23) – As America’s first baseman, Paul Goldschmidt responsible for bringing the chips and guacamole.

22. Atlanta Braves (15-19; Previous: 17) – Given preferred hobby of organization’s best all-time players, Braves should name Franchise Fore.

23. Miami Marlins (16-19; Previous: 20) – Giancarlo Stanton hits ball out of Dodger Stadium, annoyed it cost him another $25 for his luggage.

24. Texas Rangers (15-19; Previous: 28) – Rangers totally on board with 154-game season. Or 148. Anything shorter, really, would be fine. Forty’s good.

25. Chicago White Sox (14-17; Previous: 22) – Leadoff hitter Adam Eaton says he’s supposed to be straw that stirs drink. Sox call in expert mixologist Manny Ramirez.

26. Colorado Rockies (11-19; Previous: 12) – Slumping Rockies figured they couldn’t get any colder. Then it snowed for two days. Somebody up there’s got a sense of humor.

27. Cleveland Indians (12-20; Previous: 27) – Some Insiders believed Indians would win World Series. Some Insiders believe Indians could be worst defensive team in history. Surprising incongruity, given all this happened in a month.

28. Oakland Athletics (13-23; Previous: 18) – A’s believe Stephen Vogt should be an All-Star, wish they could think of a smart slogan to encourage fans to cast ballots for him.

29. Milwaukee Brewers (12-23; Previous: 30) – Depressed Brewers encouraged to seek Counselling.

30. Philadelphia Phillies (12-23; Previous: 29) – Maybe the Phillies would be better with extra cheese sauce.

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