How Matt Rempe Can Save His NHL Career

The circus is returning to Madison Square Garden.

No, not Barnum and Bailey; this one is Rempe and Rempe.

Sprung from the NHL Home for Wayward Goons, Rempe and Rempe promise a two-act show.

On the one hand the NHL's only 6-8 and a half inch skater vows to be a skating Boy Scout and observe all rules of Bettman, Inc.

On the other hand, he insists that he can be an asset to Peter Laviolette and his skating Chums.

Not that everybody – dare I say anybody – believes the young man.

Skeptics believe that sooner or later his elbows will play tympani on some foe's head or that the boards are meant to hurl people who are hit from behind.

To avoid such misdemeanors, The Maven herewith has a five-point plan that will save Rempe's big league career while turning him into a Rangers asset:

1. Stop thinking you're a local hero. Here's your last chance.

2. Don't go around looking for hits; look for the puck. Let Will Cuylle do the hitting.

3. Let your asset – your size, what else? – screen enemy goalies without putting them in the back of their net.

4. Imagine what your (next) 20-game suspension will be like.

5. Compare life in Hartford with The Big Apple! And don't say I didn't warn you!