'I was just sick to my stomach': Yankees ace Gerrit Cole embarks on righting postseason wrongs

New York Yankees ace Gerrit Cole tilts his head back, his eyes shut, his voice softens, and slowly the words trickle out of his mouth.

“I remember,’’ he says. “How can I ever forget?’’

The date was Oct. 5, 2021.

The scene was Fenway Park in Boston.

Cole’s job was simple: Beat their hated rivals, the Red Sox, in the American League wild-card game.

One game, do or die.

Winner moves on; loser goes home.

Cole faced 12 batters that day and retired only six of them. He gave up four hits, two walks and three earned runs by the time he was mercifully yanked after just two innings.

The Yankees went home for the winter, losing 6-2.

“It took a long time to get over that,’’ Cole tells USA TODAY Sports. “I hate losing. I just can’t stand it. I get frustrated. I get angry. I just kept thinking about it over and over.

“It was a terrible feeling.

“I was just sick to my stomach.’’

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Now, one year later, Cole will take the baseball again in the Yankees’ first game of their postseason. He’s pitching Game 1 of the American League Division Series on Tuesday (TBS, 7:37 p.m. ET) against the Cleveland Guardians at Yankee Stadium.

There was a healthy debate whether Cole should be starting the opener, considering Nestor Cortes produced a better season, going 12-4 with a 2.44 ERA.

Yankees manager Aaron Boone gave it consideration, but Cole is the Yankees’ ace. He’s their workhorse. The Yankees paid him $324 million for games like this.

Cole has pitched in five winner-take-all games in his career, with his team losing four of them, but he is built for this moment. Game 1 isn’t do-or-die, but it’s critical in this short best-of-five series.

“He loves the competition,’’ says Yankees starter Jameson Taillon, who roomed with Cole in spring training. “He’s the one guy who truly has high expectations of himself. You can’t run from expectations. He deals with it in a pretty nice way because he really does expect a lot out of himself.’’

Looking for a legacy

Cole, a five-time All-Star who has finished in the top five in Cy Young balloting five times, still seeks that defining, magical game in October.

It’s a month that makes heroes and champions who are forever remembered.

It’s also a month that raises tremendous pressure, creates perhaps unfair expectations, and can leave permanent scars on a resume.

Mets fans these days are blaming their postseason demise on Max Scherzer and Jacob deGrom, who weren’t supposed to ever lose a game. The Toronto Blue Jays fanbase is demanding to know what happened to ace Alek Manoah.

It doesn’t matter that these are the same guys who led their teams to the postseason. They will be remembered only for what happened in October.

“It reminds me a little bit of the Bryce Harper situation,’’ Taillon says. “No matter what Bryce Harper does, it’s like it’s not good enough. Because they’re good players, with big contracts, there are expectations that come with that.’’

Cole, who is 8-5 with a 2.93 ERA in 14 career postseason starts, has blemishes from his winner-take-all defeats.

He lost Game 5 in the 2013 National League Division Series against the St. Louis Cardinals, with Cardinals ace Adam Wainwright throwing an eight-hit complete game.

Cole lost the 2015 NL wild-card game against the Chicago Cubs 4-0, with Cubs Cy Young winner Jake Arrieta throwing a five-hit shutout.

He won the Yankees’ wild-card game in 2020, beating Cleveland 12-3, but then lost the deciding Game 5 of the ALDS, 2-1 to Tampa Bay.

And there was last year against the Red Sox, dropping him to 1-3 in winner-take-all games.

“There’s a sense of being proud of yourself for getting to that point,’’ Cole says, “and you reflect on that. You feel good that you got your team there.

“But then, you feel responsible for not taking them further."

Cole has had plenty of success in the postseason, too, allowing just 58 hits while striking out 111 in 86 innings to go with those eight wins.

Yet, he still hasn’t won the one game he desires most: the World Series clincher.

“That’s the one,’’ Cole says, “you dream about."

Embracing the pressure

Cole, for so many years, refused to even watch the World Series, or another postseason game when his team was eliminated. Too painful. Why torture yourself by reliving the moment?

“I’m sure it would take a big toll on me,’’ Cortes says, “to have the season on the line, and not perform the way you want to perform."

Cole finally decided to give it a try after last year’s loss to the Red Sox. He turned on the TV. He wanted to see his former Astros teammates play. He wanted to watch his good friend, veteran Atlanta starter Charlie Morton. He wanted to see what it was like simply being a fan.

“I’ve had years when I just couldn’t watch the postseason," Cole said. “But last year, was different. I watched the championship series. I watched the World Series. There was something there for me to enjoy."

Now, it’s back to the pressure cooker, where life is so different in New York. When he pitched for Pittsburgh, a winning season was considered a huge success. It’s a wonderous achievement in Houston winning division titles and getting into the dance.

But, in New York, anything less than a championship is considered a massive failure.

“In New York, the postseason and winning the World Series is very important," Cole says, “and I’m OK with that. Now, I wouldn’t discredit what I’ve done or anyone else in the regular season, but there are reasons why there are ALCS MVPs and World Series MVPs. Those awards are obviously there to help recognize those players who had a huge impact and take over a series.

“Those guys stepped up in the clutch.

“I want to be one of those guys, too."

Unfinished business

Cole was certainly instrumental in the Yankees’ division title this year, going 13-8 with a 3.50 ERA, and setting the franchise record by striking out 257 batters. He set the record the same night Aaron Judge broke the AL record with his 62nd homer. It looked like it might become only a footnote in Yankee folklore until Yankee great Ron Guidry called the clubhouse, was on speaker phone, and personally congratulated Cole.

“I may have sensed a bit of watery eyes,’’ Yankees catcher Kyle Higashioka said. “I could tell he was on the verge of getting emotional. I know how much it means to him just being on this team, and being such a big part of it."

Cole knows it would have been impossible to set the strikeout record without staying healthy, pitching a lot of innings, and making a start every fifth day.

He stressed the importance of durability to Cortes, who’s a full-time starter for the first time this season. Cole told him that he needs to stay strong for 200 innings, fight through any fatigue, and make sure his body is equipped to handle the rigors of a grueling season without breaking down.

“Honestly, he has meant so much to me, helping me prepare every five days," Cortes says. “Me, starting for the first time in the big leagues, I had a lot of questions. He gave me pointers on how to take care of my body.

“In my last start when I went eight innings, he said, “Yeah, you have to do that because when you’re in the playoffs, you need to have your workload already up. It’s important to get in a fatigue situation and pitch through that, because playoff time, you may be asked to pitch on three days’ rest or throw 100 pitches.'

“He’s been such a huge help to me with everything, really."

There’s not a soul on the Yankee pitching staff who hasn’t been influenced by Cole embracing being a mentor, and when he’s not talking, he’s leading by example.

“Gerrit takes a lot of pride in being a horse," Boone says, “and being a guy that goes to the post every five days and logs innings. He has a deep appreciation for this franchise and this organization.

“What's been a really strong season for Gerrit, there's been the ups and downs that he’s had to weather. And through it all, he continues to grind, show up, work, post. He’s accountable."

Cole acknowledges that he’s certainly had better seasons. This is his highest ERA and the fewest victories (not counting the shortened 2020 season) he’s produced in a full season since 2017. He also gave up a career-high 33 homers in 200 2/3 innings, the most by any pitcher in the AL.

Yet, those struggles will all be forgotten with a dominant postseason, starting Tuesday night against the second-weakest-power-hitting lineup in baseball. The Guardians hit just 127 homers all year.

The expectations on Cole will be to dominate the Guardians for seven shutout innings, strike out 10 or more batters, and leave the game with an insurmountable lead.

Unfair? Unrealistic? Unreasonable?

It’s the nature of the beast in New York.

“I think expectations are high because he’s really good," Yankees third baseman Josh Donaldson said. “Gerrit, by far, is the biggest big-game pitcher I’ve ever been around. There always tends to be a lot more emphasis on games in October, and rightfully so. It can make or break you."

So is it fair that Cole’s teammates can go hitless and make errors in the field, but if Cole happens to have a clunker, he’ll be the one blamed all winter?

“The attention will always be on the pitchers because they control the game," Donaldson says. “They have the ball in their hands. I know everyone expects big things from Gerrit every time he steps onto the mound.

“But that’s why he gets paid the big bucks, right?"

Now, all he needs to do is deliver.

“I really wish,’’ Cole says, “it was that easy. You know the opposition is going to bring it. You know the environment is going to be crazy ...

“But you know something, there’s a sense of relaxation with it, too. It’s a fun time of year. I’ve learned you’ve got to embrace it.

“And I will."

Follow Bob Nightengale on Twitter: @Bnightengale

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Yankees' Gerrit Cole heads into MLB postseason eager for redemption