Jaguars, Giants do battle as the worst of the Sorry Six

Everybody’s all in loooove with the Rams and the Chiefs right now. Ooooh, look at them, they score so many points, they’re so coooool. Loving the good teams is easy, man! That takes no effort. But loving the terrible teams? That’s where the real fans shine. Steel your hearts and join us as we show some love for … the Sorry Six.

The rules here are simple: these are the six teams, players, units, coaches or fan bases that turned in the sorriest performances of the week. They’re not necessarily the worst in the league, but they ought to be ashamed of themselves. And we start with a sad descent of a team…

1. Jacksonville Jaguars

The best way to get yourself a spot at the top of the Sorry Six is to plunge from a great height — like, say, the AFC championship. Say hello to the Jags, who’ve gone from Super Bowl darlings to speed bumps faster than you can say, “Blake Bortles Botches Ballgames,” five times fast. They’re in England this weekend, and don’t be surprised if a few Jaguars players end up locked in some of those funky Dr. Who-style phone booths they’ve got over there.

2. New York Giants

Right there hot on the Jags’ long tail? The Giants, who once again remind us that football is a 22-man game. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got two all-universe players in your huddle if the rest is runny dog food. The Giants could have taken a big step toward future stability if they’d just traded Eli … and they managed to screw that up, too, by trading THE WRONG ELI.

3. Arizona Cardinals

Be honest. If you don’t have David Johnson on your fantasy team, when’s the last time you thought of the Arizona Cardinals? And if you do have Johnson, when’s the last time you thought of the Cardinals without dog-cussing them?

4. The Atlanta Falcons’ touchdown distribution

In 2018, 200 different players have already scored a touchdown as of Thursday night’s game, per Pro Football Reference. Eight Atlanta Falcons have scored a touchdown. And none of those players is all-universe wide receiver Julio Jones. What the hell, Atlanta? Get this man the ball in the end zone! And I’m not just saying that because he’s my first-round pick in my big money league! This is like inviting Steph Curry to join your church-league basketball team and then leaving him on the bench.

5. Buffalo Bills

The Bills come in at No. 5, and that, coincidentally enough, is the number of points they scored last week. Do you know how weird it is to score five points in an NFL game? It’s only been done 20 times in the entire history of the NFL! You’ve got to have a defense that makes one good play, a kicker that makes one good play, and an offense that makes zero good plays. That about sums up the Bills these days.

6. Philadelphia Eagles

And finally, the Eagles. The Super Bowl hangover is a real thing, for everybody except those damn New England Patriots, and the Eagles are finding out how hard it is to keep motivation going when everyone’s got you circled on their schedules. They blew a 17-point lead to the Carolina Panthers last week. It’s not time to panic in Philly yet, but a couple more botched fourth quarters like that, and it will be.

And that’ll do it for this week’s Sorry Six! Congrats to all the teams that made it, and even more congrats to those that didn’t. Got comments? Hit us up by email or find us on Twitter at @jaybusbee. Catch you next week, and remember … never be sorry.

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Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.

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