Hey, Mariners: hire me as a consultant — I’m available, cheap and unqualified

If you look at the bright side of things, the Mariners finished the 2024 season one game from making the playoffs and were oh so close! Surely with a few tweaks here and there, they’ll be in the postseason next year.

But if you’re a skeptic who’s more realistic, you wonder how they could have possibly blown it with their starting rotation, which was the best in baseball. And you justifiably shake your head when you hear that team president Jerry Dipoto will return for another season after presiding over a franchise that has been to the playoffs in one of his nine years with the team.

At this point, know what the Mariners should do? Hire me as a consultant. Why me? I’m available and could be hired on the cheap, which is always a huge factor with the Mariners. I’m also not very qualified, but so what, neither were most of the players they’ve brought in the last two years.

Here are the top 10 moves I would make to end the Mariners’ status as the only club to have never played in a World Series, keeping in mind that some of these moves are pipe dreams with little chance of actually happening.

10) Dump both Mitches, Haniger and Garver. You saw it, I saw it, they were terrrible this year. Problem is, Garver has a guaranteed $12 million coming in 2025 while Haniger has a player option for $17 million for next season that he most certainly will exercise.

The Mariners will want to give them another opportunity and say that this season was just an aberration for them both, attempting to squeeze something out of their misspent money. We know how this kind of thing usually goes: poorly. Move on from the Mitches and show fans that the Mariners truly mean business in 2025.

9) Trade Luis Castillo for a position player who is in his prime and can be counted on to produce, as opposed to someone who is on the back side of his career who you hope will hit like he did in 2019. The Mariners will entertain this idea because Castillo costs too much - he’ll make $24 million in 2025. As good as he is, Castillo gives up too many home runs and it’s only going to go downhill from here. Get what you can for him now.

8) Fire Dipoto. See, I told you there’d be a pipe dream or two on this list. Somehow this guy has buffaloed ownership into thinking he’s still the man who can make everything possible for the M’s. He talks about wanting to use a different approach and a different message, but how about just going with a different leader? Why don’t we try that? I’d give Jerry’s job to general manager Justin Hollander or go in a completely different direction and hire someone else, anyone else, preferably a person who isn’t full of it.

7) This goes hand in hand with No. 8 on the wish list - don’t just allow Dan Wilson to be the manager in 2025. Dipoto’s replacement needs to have a free hand in hiring his own manager. If he deems Wilson to be the guy, fine. But if he doesn’t, give him the authority to hire the best man for the job.

6) Trade Randy Arozarena. Dipoto has said he would like the outfielders to return intact - Julio Rodriguez in center, Victor Robles in right and Arozarena in left. But I’m torn on Arozarena. He doesn’t strike me as a guy who necessarily wants to be in Seattle. And his constant habit of stepping out of the box before a pitch is thrown? I don’t get that at all, but whatever. He’s also up for arbitration, which means he’ll make more money next year, a good reason why the Mariners might think about trading him.

5) Re-sign Justin Turner and platoon him with Luke Raley at first base next year. I get it, he’ll be 40 next year. But Turner’s a winner who at 39 gave the Mariners a lift in the stretch. He’s also a veteran clubhouse presence that is needed on every successful team.

4) Throw as much money as you can at Edgar Martinez to be the permanent hitting coach. Edgar took the job on an interim basis when Wilson replaced Scott Servais in August. His simplified approach appeared to work.

3) Acquire Alex Bregman in free agency and end the nonsense of rotating so-so players at third base. The hot corner requires a power hitter, the definition of Bregman, a huge upgrade from the tawdry trio of Luis Urias, Dylan Moore and Josh Rojas who shared the job this year. This is also a laughable premise because Bregman will command a price that will be too high for the Mariners.

2) Don’t pick up the club option on Jorge Polanco for 2025 and replace him with Gavin Lux, who could be available in a Castillo trade with the Dodgers. Lux is an above average second baseman who will be 27 in 2025, someone who could end the carousel of second basemen who have shuffled through Seattle the last few years.

1) Acquire Brewers shortstop Willy Adames in free agency to replace J.P. Crawford, who had a miserable season. Dipoto said he expects a better version of Crawford next year? Why’s that exactly? Why should we suddenly think Crawford will suddenly rebound after a year in which he hit .202? Adames is a better overall player with much more pop. This is another unlikely move, but the Mariners need to at least consider moving on from Crawford next year or put him at second base and hit him ninth in the lineup.

Jim Moore has covered Washington’s sports scene from every angle for multiple news outlets. He appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 10 a.m. on Jason Puckett’s podcast at PuckSports.com. You can find him on X (formerly Twitter) @cougsgo.