Gymnast Suni Lee on Journaling, Dealing With Health Issues, and What Comes After Gymnastics

Elinor Kry

Suni Lee is out to prove herself.

At the 2021 Tokyo Olympics, Lee was a key athlete in the team’s success. She wasn't in the original U.S. team’s lineup for floor, but after Simone Biles stepped out for mental health reasons, Lee went on to score a team-best of 13.666. She then performed on uneven bars becoming the fifth straight American woman to win the Olympic all-around title. So, the 2021 All Around Gold Medalist knows what it means to be at the top of her game — but she also knows adversity.

Amid a series of health issues, and with the pressure of returning to the Games after a gold medal win, Lee is turning her focus inward. “That's part of the reason why I really, really want to make this [Paris] team to just kind of prove to myself that I could do it,” Lee tells Teen Vogue. The 21-year-old gymnast was diagnosed with a kidney condition in early 2023, which ultimately ended her collegiate career at Auburn University. After experiencing full-body swelling that left her unable to practice or compete, Lee ultimately was diagnosed with an incurable kidney disease. Instead of returning to the gym, Lee returned to her hometown of Minnesota, and her gymnastics career hung in the balance. “There've been so many moments in the past couple of years where I've just been doubting myself.”

Thanks to what Lee calls an “amazing support system” who wouldn’t let her give up, she’s now here, eager to go to Paris to show herself what she’s made of. And if the pressure to perform after her diagnosis weren’t enough, she’s also contending with the nerves that come with returning to the world stage after an all-star performance.

“I think this time is a lot scarier because first, you have the pressures of the last Olympics,” Lee says. “People are looking at me a certain way and then of course I have to deal with my health issues. This is the first time that I'm going through this. My coaches, this is the first time they've ever worked with somebody that's dealt with health issues. We're all trying to navigate our way through it.”

So, how’s she dealing with all the stress? To prepare, Lee is doing a lot of journaling. She’s also visualizing herself at the Paris Olympics. “Since we don't know what Paris looks like, I always just visualize myself in Tokyo, again, doing my newer routines,” she says. “I like to watch a lot of my old videos to just kind of remind myself that I still am the same person. It's just different circumstances.”

That’s really the crux of it: When thinking about getting to the Paris Olympics, Lee is leaning on herself. “If you don't believe that you can do it, then I don't think you're doing everything possible to get yourself there,” she says. “I have some days where I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm good enough.’ There's a lot of doubt. But I'm the only person that can control that [doubt] because I'm the person that wakes up every single day. I go to the gym. I choose how much effort I want to give. So it's just like, ‘What are you doing to get yourself there?’”

“I've definitely been reminding myself a lot that I've done this before and I'm the only person that can motivate myself to get there,” she continues. “I look back and I'm always like, ‘Wow, I used to be really good.’ But I think even now I've only been getting better. I've had to deal with a lot, but despite all of that, I've been able to overcome it.”

And while she focuses on this mindset, she also acknowledges she wouldn’t be where she is right now without her coaches who’ve supported her, and her manager, Kayla, who she lovingly refers to as a “momager.”

The team surrounding Lee constantly reminds her that everything she is at her core is more than worthy.

“Your normal is good enough,” she says. “My coach tells me that every day. He's always like, ‘Why are you trying so hard? Stop trying so hard. You've done every single thing that you can do.’ So once you get out there, it's just you, the event, and your mindset.”

That focus will be necessary as she’ll be vying for a spot on the 2024 team — one of the most competitive gymnastics teams.

“My beam, vault, and floor are pretty much going to be the same,” she says. “Bars is the hardest thing right now. I'm trying to get all of these connections and get my skill named. A lot of people know me for bars, so it's nerve-wracking because if I don't do a good bar routine, people aren't going to see me the same way. But then I'm like, ‘Why do I care so much about what other people think?’ Right now it's just working on consistency and building the confidence to get back out there and compete as best I can.”

These lessons learned throughout her elite career have shaped Lee into the person she is today. Gymnastics has taught her about life, and how to be disciplined, and has opened her eyes to worlds she wouldn’t have known without it.

“I had to mature very, very quickly when I was younger,” she says. “So to dedicate my whole life to it has been difficult because all I know is gymnastics. I'm scared to go into the real world, but I'm also kind of excited.”

She’s still keeping her options open when thinking about what she wants to do after gymnastics. She for sure wants it to involve giving back to different communities, including those affected by kidney disease. “One thing that I've struggled with was I didn't know how to approach it,” she says. “So if I look at somebody who is younger than me and they don't know how to approach [dealing with this disease] maybe I can help them.”

Constant critical discussion is a part of the game when it comes to being a professional athlete. Everyone feels like they have a say in who you are and everything you’ve been through. Lee, who's experienced a rollercoaster of highs and lows constantly, is dealing with her health, abilities and life being put out to the world. When thinking about what she’d tell her younger self, gearing up to join the upper echelons of this sport, Lee says: “I think I would tell my younger self to enjoy the process and to never get on social media,” she says with a laugh. “But for real. I would just say to not worry about what other people think so much and to just do it for yourself.”

Originally Appeared on Teen Vogue