Yahoo Sports Ethan Bear Knew Something Wasn't Right, So He Entered The Player Assistance Program. He's Grateful He Did: 'My Life Has Turned Around'
ARLINGTON, V.A. — For the first time since joining the Washington Capitals, Ethan Bear is sure of himself. But it goes further than that; the 27-year-old is a completely different person, both on and off the ice.
That much is evident as Bear walks over with a smile. Coming off of time in the NHL/NHLPA Player Assistance Program and a strong offseason, Bear says this is the best that he's felt since he was drafted back in 2015 — and he doesn't hide from that fact, either.
"It's like I'm seeing life through a new set of lenses. My brain, my mind, has never been more clear," Bear told The Hockey News, adding, "Life for myself is just a lot better. I'm just really excited to play hockey, have a clear head and just have some fun, being around the guys. It feels good again."
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Just a few months ago, that wasn't the case for Bear, who signed a two-year deal to join Washington following offseason shoulder surgery. Though his new contract was a fresh start oozing with opportunity, it ended up being the most challenging year of Bear's life.
"Last year was very hard for me mentally, physically... I've never been through something like that before," Bear admitted.
On the ice, Bear struggled to get back to his game, struggling to find consistency and spending extended time as a healthy scratch. The game he had loved became more of an obligation than anything else.
Then, life away from the ice got more and more difficult.
Bear would get home from the rink and be overly burnt out and "extremely, extremely exhausted," to the point where he struggled with errands and typical day-to-day activities. Then, there was insomnia, followed by days at a time when just getting out of bed for practice was a tall order.
"I noticed myself not being able to go to bed at night, not being able to wake up in the morning... it was hard for me. It felt like everything was just very challenging to do," Bear admitted.
As the demands of life got more gruelling, and as every minute in the NHL took on more and more weight, Bear knew something wasn't right; he just didn't know what it was.
All he knew was that he needed help — and fast.
"You know what? I had to go," he said honestly. "It was just... it was the best thing for me. That's all I could say."
It wasn't an easy decision. From the outside looking in, the NHL/NHLPA Player Assistance Program is a bit of a question mark. And then, there's the reputation that comes with it, the outside noise and questions as to why players go into the program.
All the while, players in the program can't skate, making it an even more difficult decision to get help.
"It's a tough thing, because we're in the spotlight, right? And everyone's watching us. People look up to us and kids, so we have a lot of pride in what we do. We don't want to see like we're weak or less than what we could be," Bear pointed out. "You don't want to lose your spot in the lineup, and there's money on the line, your job's on the line, your integrity's on the line. It's not something a lot of guys want to do, and it's really hard to see the benefit of it until you actually do it."
Bear's grateful that he did; the program helped Bear realize that the exhaustion, lack of joy for the game, racing thoughts and sleepless nights were all symptoms of undiagnosed anxiety and depression.
"The thing is, I didn't even know. I didn't know about it until I went, and I think it's crazy to me that I had no idea and I was probably dealing with it for years without any idea at all. I guess it could not necessarily be a scary thing, but a hard thing to see in yourself," Bear said. "It's something that not a lot of people want to speak out about or come forward with and think it's embarrassing, but it's really a struggle a lot of people in society deal with, and I dealt with it and I had the people and the health to get over it and now I don't have it."
James Carey Lauder — USA TODAY Sports
Through the program, Bear had a large support staff and also had multiple resources at his disposal as he was able to get to the root of how he was feeling.
"You really find out who you are as a person. When you play in this league for how long, and you go through ups and downs, it's easy to forget kind of who you are and why playing in the NHL was your dream. Because you go through rough patches, and sometimes, it's so hard, you grind so much that you start to think about the grind more than the enjoyment of what life brings you," Bear said. "I think I just found that again. Just kind of found myself, kind of finding that happiness, finding my identity."
Bear cleared the program at the end of last season, and since then, things have changed significantly. He welcomed his second daughter, Bella, this summer, while getting back to the basics of daily life and cherishing each moment.
Getting back on the ice, it's easy to see that he has a clear love for the game again and there's an extra jump in his step. It's night and day from the Bear that took the ice for D.C. last season.
"My energy on a day-to-day basis has never been more, from being a hockey player to a dad and a husband, I have all the energy in the world to be present with my family and with the team, and that's what's important to me," Bear said. "That's going to be the new change everyone's going to see this year."
This year is also different in that Bear isn't putting pressure on himself; his goal is to just take things day by day and do what he loves.
"That excitement for hockey again, It's very hard to explain... it just feels like, I feel like my younger self when I first broke into the league. Just that fire, that excitement about competing and having fun, I just feel like a brand new person," Bear said. "I'm just excited, no matter what happens this year, I'm just gonna go and play."
Geoff Burke — USA TODAY Sports
Going forward, he's not shying away from being vocal about his journey, and he's eager to be an advocate for mental health, as well as the program.
"Like the thing with the program, it has so many people who support you and are there to help you kind of navigate to find your happiness again, find that confidence, that trust in yourself," Bear said. "It's so amazing. And as a league, we are fortunate to have that, because not many pro leagues do, and I'm very thankful. I'm just going to take note, use it to my advantage and be the player I can be this year."
Despite the hardships, Bear said this past year was eye-opening and important for his growth, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
"To go through what I went through, to do it the way I did, I wouldn't change anything. To go into the program might be the best thing I've ever done in my life," Bear said. "I can say that confidently, happily. It's not something I'm embarrassed about or ashamed about. My life has turned around."
And now, he's ready to channel that new lease on life into everything he does.
"You just feel like a kid again. My body's never felt more young, my mind has never felt more fresh, just when you get on the ice and you get to compete with somebody else and just go at it, I think that's just... it's so much fun," Bear said. "It just gets the heart racing, you just get to compete. And that's what we live for and that's what I have again. And that's all I could ask for."
