The difficult transition for American athletes whose careers take them from the United States to Canada is unthinkable. Generally, it’s colder north of the border. On top of that, the metric system is mind-boggling and words that didn’t have a ‘u’ in them before suddenly do (the rumours are true and that isn’t many people’s favourite thing about the country).
Another one of the shocking variations in life is the way milk in sold. Purchasing bagged milk in bulk is what Canadians (mainly those who live in Ontario, Quebec and the Maritimes) are accustomed to doing, but it’s been a struggle for Danny Green of the Toronto Raptors.
Now, for context, keep in mind that Green has only been in Canada since he was traded to Toronto from the San Antonio Spurs along with Kawhi Leonard over the summer.
“It’s not very efficient, it’s not convenient, it’s borderline a pain in the ass, uh, to pour milk in a bag,” he said on a recent episode of Inside the Green Room with Danny Green. “I was almost late today, to practice, because of going to the store, going to the container store, finding containers to put my milk from out of this bag in containers.”
“It needs to change. I don’t know who we need to talk to, but that needs to change.”
Hold the freakin’ phone.
Did we hear that correctly? Was he saying containers? Like, the word ‘container’ with an ‘s’ on the end? Did he just say that he poured his bagged milk into other containers to store it?
Mr. Green, I respect the studying you did while at the University of North Carolina, your NBA championship and the ten years you’ve spent in the top basketball league on the planet. However, you couldn’t have gotten this any more wrong.
Here are the steps to solving the puzzle that is Canadian bagged milk:
- Place one (1) un-resealable plastic pouch of milk into a container. To reiterate, that’s one (1) container which is ideally a pitcher. Not multiple containers. One container.
- Make a small cut at the corner of the bag.
Not to worry, Danny.
This thing called life is crazy and we’re all trying to figure it out together. As long as you’re here, we’ll do all that we can to help you understand the best way to extract milk from bags.