CKY - Sunday, May 26, 2024 - 12:30 a.m. (ET) - Segment #2

Good morning. Good morning. >> How can I help you? >> The name's George Constanza. I'm starting work here today. I was wondering if you could tell me where my office is. >> I wasn't aware that-- Mike, this is George Constanza. He's starting here today. >> Welcome aboard. >> Thanks, Mike. Nice to be aboard. >> I didn't even know Mr. Tuttle was finished interviewing. >> Oh, well, he was probably just getting anxious to start his vacation. (Laughter) >> He wants to know where his office is. >> Oh. Well, let's see. We've got two. There's the big one down the hall there and a small one over here. You know, I should ask Jack. >> Oh, leave Jack alone. Jack's got enough problems. (Chuckling) I'll just take the small office. >> Really? >> Yes. I like to feel cozy. I have a very small apartment. I like to feel tucked in, nestled in. Love to be nestled. >> Alright, alright. It's 808, right down there. Meanwhile, I'll get you the Pensky file, you can start working on that. >> Yes, yes of course, the Pensky file. Ho, ho, can't wait to sink my teeth into that. Wow that Pensky. Well, we'll straighten him out. (Chuckling) (Flicking) (Thud) (Audience laughter) (Ticking) (Sighing) (Audience laughter) (Whistling) (Audience laughter) >> So what did you do there all day? >> They gave me the Pensky file. (Audience laughter) >> So it's a nice place to work? >> You know, I'm enjoying it very much. I think my coworkers are really taking to me. We're like a family. In fact, yesterday was Grace's birthday. She's such a sweet woman. So we had a little party with cake and champagne. I made a toast. (Audience laughter) >> What about your boss, the guy who you interviewed you? >> He'll be back on Monday. >> Hi. >> Hey. >> Hi. >> Hey. How come you're wearing a hat? >> I got a haircut. >> Oh yeah? Can I see it? >> There's nothing to see. >> Come on, let me see it. >> Forget it. >> Come on. >> Alright. (Audience laughter) (Laughing) (Banging) All right. (Laughter continues) That's very good. Thank you. >> I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (Audience laughter) >> Yeah, well, I'll tell you this. You can forget about me going to that bachelor auction. >> What? No Jerry, you have to go. >> You know, Elaine, I'd do it but I'm working that day. >> Yeah, too bad. (Audience laughter) (Symphonic music) >> This is the worst haircut Jerry's ever had. You got to fix it. >> Sure, I fix it. But you got to make sure you no tell anybody. He's a little crazy. I don't know what he'd do, he found out I touch Jerry's hair. >> Yeah, yeah. >> So I love that Edward Scissorhands. That's the best movie I've ever seen. >> Ah, again with the Edward Scissorhands. How can you have hand like scissors, huh? Show me one person who's got a hand like scissors. >> Hey, it's a beautiful dream. I'd love to be this man. >> Did you ever think about what you're going to do on the toilet? What are you going to do on the toilet?! (Audience laughter) >> I'd like to have shoehorn hands. >> Hey. >> Hey. >> Hey. >> Okay, listen to me. I talked to Gino, he's going to fix the haircut. >> Oh great. Then you can go to the bachelor auction. >> Yeah, but-- >> No buts. His apartment tonight, 8:00. >> Can he fix it? >> I don't know. (Audience laughter) >> Boy, you got a beautiful head of hair. (Audience laughter) >> Thank you. >> I bet uncle Enzo, he tell you that all the time. >> Well, actually Enzo hasn't said that to me in a while. (Audience laughter) >> I don't think uncle Enzo realize what a lucky barber he is. >> That's nice of you to say. (Audience laughter) (Buzzing) >> Oh. Just a second. Yes. >>It's your uncle Enzo. >> It's Uncle Enzo! Quick, go

in there. I'll clean up. Come on up. (Knocking) Uncle Enzo, what are you doing here? >> I've come to apologize. >> Apologize? >> Yeah. I rented the movie Edward Scissorhands. That Johnny Depp, he make me cry. (Audience laughter) >> Oh! He make me cry too. You want something to drink? >> Hey! What's all of this? >> Nothing. It's just hair. >> You do haircut in the apartment? >> No. Pizza man was here. Maybe some fall off. He's going bald. >> It looks very familiar. She'll never bend the knee. The greens are coming for you, Rhaenyra, and for your children. (Dramatic music) Otto: It is your great privilege to witness this, a new day for our realm! (Cheering) (Roar) Rhaenyra: We don't choose our destiny. It chooses us. At McMunn and Yates, we've always believed that good neighbours make for better communities. So if you can't come to McMunn and Yates, McMunn and Yates can come to you. Just go to mcmunnandyates.com Browse, order and click and we'll deliver right to your door So whether it's a whole new look for your home or you're just making a few fixes, McMunn and Yates will always be there, ready to help. McMunn and Yates, make it better. At Best Sleep we're known for our mattresses but, did you know we sell high quality bedding products in bamboo comfort, cotton, or organic bamboo. We have comfy bed sheets and mattresses and adjustable beds in a large variety of sizes and colours. High quality sheets, high quality sleeps, right Grandpa? That's right, buddy. Your comfort is guaranteed at Best Sleep. 953 St. James Street. You'll find us! From flavoredsoda to bubbly water.More Manitobans are creatingtheir own carb So when it's time to replaceyour CO2 canisters and tanks drop on by ABC Fire and Safety,they carry beverage grade CO2 for soda machines, kegerators,indoor gardens and paintball full-service CO2 at pricesLower than the competition. Enjoy new tanks, easy refillsand soda cylinder exchanges, ABC Fire and SafetyReady to fill your CO2 needs. Time to get growing. We have your spring planting supplies. Shop hundreds of varieties of flowers, herbs and vegetables in our greenhouse. Tackle your landscape projects with Barkman products. Choose from pavers and slabs, wall systems and fire pits. We are Western Manitoba's largest block and bulkyard. What's behind the Blue Cow Logo? High Canadian Standards. Which means we meet strict requirements. ...Working with a team of experts and working towards a sustainable future. That's what this logo certifies. We're behind the Blue Cow logo. Its said the past is a lesson the present, a gift and the future, your motivation. At Safety Services Manitoba. Nothing could be more true. From our beginnings in 1964 through to the present day, safety services, Manitoba has been a partner with business and the community to help address the ever evolving safety environment. Safety Services Manitoba, 60 years of protecting your future. - [Child] One in four children will experience child abuse. - [Narrator] At Toba Centre, kids and youth who have been abused or witnessed violence get wraparound care. It takes a community to raise our children and heal them when they're hurt. - [Child] We're not just a number, we're real. I needed real help, and I found it. - I'm a champion for Toba Centre, and you should be too, because the need is real. FEMALE ANNOUNCER:Jamie Oliver returnswith the first partof his seasonal cook Might just put a little bitof spring in your step. ANNOUNCER:Jamie Oliver Seasons. Spring starts Monday June 3rdon CTV Life. (Symphonic music) >> In the one minute that he worked on me, I could tell he was really good. >> Yeah. Slow, gentle, attentive. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I told you. Didn't I tell you? >> But Enzo picked up one of my hairs off the floor. >> Yeah, so? >> I think he knew. >> No, he doesn't know. >> How do you know? He knows my hair.

>> Listen, you're just imagining things. He doesn't know a thing. Now, come on, pull yourself together. >> Okay, okay. >> What happened? It looks the same. >> He didn't get to finish it. His uncle came in. We almost got caught. (Audience laughter) >> Jerry, the auction is in a few hours. >> Take the K-man. >> You can still go. (Audience laughter) >> What, are you kidding? Look at him. He's grotesque. >> You think? >> Do I think? He's repugnant. (Audience laughter) >> What would you wear? >> Whatever it takes. >> See, now Newman is a good customer. >> Once I find a barber, I stick with him. I almost went to barber school. I always felt I had a talent for it. >> Aw. Not everyone like Newman, so loyal. >> Yeah, just the way that I was raised. I'm special. (Audience laughter) >> You know, I don't mind if somebody's funny but I no like the funny business. >> I'm going to go out for a little bit. I'll be right back. >> Take your time. You happy with the haircut? >> It's okay. A little crooked. (Audience laughter) >> How you like to have free haircut for six months? >> What's the catch? >> You're going to get me a sample of Jerry's hair. >> Hm, that job sounds like it might be worth a year's free haircuts. And a comb. (Audience laughter) (Tapping) (Audience laughter) (Buzzing) >> Clarice:Mr. Costanza, Mr. Pensky is here to see you. (Audience laughter) >> Mr. Pensky? Of the Pensky file? >> Costanza? Arthur Pensky. >> Mr. Pensky. I was just working on your file. I was transferring the contents of the file into this flexible accordion-style folder to-- >> Where's Tuttle? >> He's on vacation. >> He was on vacation the last time I dropped by. Give me my file. Looks like you put a lot of work into this. >> Well, you know, in college they used to call me the little bulldog. >> Hey, you are Pensky material. Would you ever consider coming to work directly for me? >> Really? >> You are aware-- (Buzzing) >>Clarice:Mr.Castanza? >> Not now Clarice. >> Clarice:I thought Mr. Pensky should know they're towing his car. >> Damn this city! >> I am aware. I am aware. >> He knows. He knows about us. >> How do you know? >> Because I know. He's crazy. All morning, he looking at the hair. He staring at the hair. (Knocking) >> Who is it? >> Newman: It's Newman. >> (Gasping) He was in the shop with Enzo. He can't see me here. >> Alright, go in the bedroom. Open the window. You can go out the fire escape. (Audience laughter) What do you want? >> Could I use your bathroom? (Audience laughter) >> What's wrong with yours? >> My toilet's clogged. >> You can't unclog it? >> No. >> Did you ask Kramer? >> He's out. >> Number one? >> Yes, yes. May I go? >> Go ahead. >> 'Cause I got to go very badly. >> Flush twice. >> Thank you. >> Newman:No. Jackpot. (Laughs) I don't believe this. There's no hair in this thing. I've never seen a person that didn't have at least one hair in a brush. (Audience laughter) Unbelievable, nothing. Ah. (Flushing) >> You alright? >> Yeah, yeah. >> Alright, I'll see you later. >> What are you doing? >> I'm watching Edward Scissorhands. >> Oh. Could I watch a little? It's my favourite movie. >> Yeah alright. You want something to drink? >> No. (Laughing) (Audience laughter) >> If you want to watch, sit down. You're making me nervous. I tell you, this Scissorhands is a hell of a barber. (Snipping) >> Got to go. Oh gee, I dropped a nickel. See you, Jerry. (Evil laughter) (Audience laughter)

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