CFCN - Sunday, May 26, 2024 - 01:30 a.m. (ET) - Segment #1

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Of course-- >> Mr. Zimmer's on line 2. >> Great, thanks. I've got to take this call. Listen, I'm really glad that you came in. >> "I want you to have this job. Of course..." >> Yeah? >> That's it. >> What do you mean that's it? >> He never finished the sentence. He got a call, that was the end of the interview. >> "Of course" was the last thing he said? >> Maybe he was going to say "Of course I have to check with my associates." >> "I want you to have this job, of course the Board of Directors is under indictment and will be serving time." >> "I want you to have this job, of course sodomy is a prerequisite." >> Alright. >> Why don't you go ahead and call him? >> Because he made a big deal about how I understand everything immediately. That's what impressed him. >> So if you call to ask if you have the job, you might lose the job. >> And if I don't call-- >> You might have the job but you'll never know it. What kind of company is it? >> Rest stop supplies. >> Oh. Good for you. (Audience laughter) >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Hey. >> Hey. >> Hey. >> Shower? >> Haircut. I'm very happy with this. >> Who'd you use? Gino? >> Oh course. I wouldn't let that other butcher cut my hair. >> What butcher? >> The uncle, Enzo. That's the guy Jerry uses. >> I've been going with him for 12 years. I can't switch. I'd hurt his feelings. >> You never get good haircuts. >> You can get a good one today. It's Enzo's day off. Gino's there all by himself. >> Really? >> Yeah. You know what? You should go over there and get one to look good for my bachelor auction. >> What bachelor auction? >> It's this thing where they auction off dates with bachelors for charity. >> And you didn't ask me to do it? I could raise enough money to cure polio. >> I believe they've had a cure for polio for quite some time. >> Polio? (Audience laughter) >> Will you go ahead? You need a haircut. >> Okay. >> Yeah. What are you all dressed up for? >> I had a job interview. >> Yeah. How'd it go? >> Good. Of course... (Audience laughter) (Gentle symphonic music) (Door creaking) >> Ah, Jerry. >> Oh, hi, Enzo. >> Oh, you've come for the haircut. >> No, actually I was just-- >> It's my day off but I take care of you anyway because you're my favourite customer. You've been with me for so long. You're so loyal. >> Well, if it's your day off, I really-- >> Eh, what's the difference? It takes 10 minutes. (Audience laughter) Jerry, today I'm going to do something special for you. >> I don't want to take too much off. >> Hey, who's your barber, eh? You tell the joke, I cut the hair. (Audience laughter) >> Gino, you've outdone yourself this time. This is the best haircut I've ever had. (Audience laughter) (Audience laughter) >> He massacred you. >> I know. >> You look like you're 5 years old. (Audience laughter) >> What if I shampoo? Sometimes a shampoo helps. >> You've got to start seeing somebody else. Get out of this relationship. >> I can't. He loves me. He says I'm his most loyal customer. Plus he's right there on the corner. I'd have to pass him every day when I go by. >> You got to do it. >> I can't, I can't. I'd break his heart. (Shuddering) (Audience laughter) >> No way my Gino did that. It's an Enzo. >> He was in the shop. I thought you told me he wasn't going to be there. >> So what? >> I didn't want to hurt his feelings. >>Hisfeelings? You can't continue seeing him! You're destroying yourself! >> Yeah, but-- >> Ah!! I'm not going to let you. Now, if you don't call him, I will. >> No, Kramer. I don't want you to do that. You can't do that. >> I'm going to call Gino, you're going to see him and we're going to get that haircut fixed up. >> I don't want you to call him. >> Alright. Gee. You're crazy. (Audience laughter) >> So I still haven't heard about that job. >> Yeah, that's a tough one. What are you going to do about that? >> I have an idea. >> Yeah? >> I show up. (Audience laughter) >> What do you mean you show up? >> I show up. I pretend I have the job. The guy's on vacation. If I have the job, it's fine. If I don't have the job, by the time he comes back, I'm ensconced. (Audience laughter) >> Hmm. Not bad. >> What's the worst thing that could happen? >> Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated in front of a large group of people and have to walk out in shame with your tail between your legs. >> Yeah, so? (Audience laughter) >> Yeah, see what you mean. I forgot who I was dealing with for a second. (Audience laughter) >> Geroge: Good morning. >> Man: Morning. >> Good morning. (Audience laughter) Morning. Hi, nice to see you. How are you? Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. >> How can I help you? >> The name's George Constanza. I'm starting work here today. I was wondering if you could tell

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