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Canadian senator blames American commentators for ruining hockey
Canadian senator David Adams Richards has heard enough.
The award-winning writer, who was appointed to the Senate last August, aired his grievances in the upper house on Wednesday with a statement titled, “Hockey games U.S. play-by-play commentators have utterly ruined.”
In what was a spectacular 4-minute diatribe, Richards took issue with the numerous “odious phrases” American commentators “who have never played or understood the game” use to illustrate Canada’s pastime.
Here’s a snippet of the speech, via National Post’s Marie-Danielle Smith:
Long ago and far away when I was a boy, we wore hockey sweaters, not hockey jerseys … We never sat in locker rooms — some of us never saw a locker room before Grade 10. Dressing rooms they were called. We didn’t have a half wall — what would that be — we had boards. And we got penalties for boarding, not half-walling. We didn’t deny a shot; we actually saved it. We didn’t delay at the blue line; we stopped at the blue line. Nor did we take a wrister. What an insulting word. We took a wrist shot. Nor did we take a slapper. What an insulting word. We took a slap shot — and not the movie.
Richards didn’t stop there. He also went on to pinpoint a few unusual phrases that particularly pushed his buttons, like “luscious pass”, “real good knuckler” and “looped it in like a real good dunk,” while praising more traditional expressions such as “dipsy-doodling” and “swallowing the ice.” (Not sure I’ve ever heard “looped it in like a real good dunk” to describe a play in any sport, let alone hockey, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.)
These descriptions, according to Richards, are not only disrespectful to the millions of Canadians who love the game but have unfortunately been adopted by many who have “no sense of tradition.”
You have to appreciate Richards’ passion and there’s no doubt that NBC’s Mike “Doc” Emrick, who this rant is most definitely directed at, uses some truly ridiculous synonyms during a broadcast.
But let’s be real, the sooner we stop putting these ancient platitudes on a pedestal, the better. Imagine saying you’re going to get a sub for lunch and getting lectured for not calling it a submarine sandwich? Regular hockey fans — yes, even Canadians — say hockey jersey, wrister and half-wall without even thinking about it.
Can’t imagine how Mr. Richards will react when “wheel, snipe, celly” eventually makes it into a broadcast.
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