Breaking down the cost of everything in Ludacris' rider for Georgia's spring game

When Ludacris' ludicrous shopping list for his appearance at Georgia's G-Day spring football game became public Tuesday, the questions came quickly:

Seriously?

How much did all this cost?

And how hard was it to find?

There was only one thing for a reporter to do: get to the grocery store with Luda's list and price it out. So that's what I did Wednesday morning, putting myself in the role of Georgia's shopper for the rap star who would perform prior to Kirby Smart's first public show as football coach of the Bulldogs.

About 80 minutes of retail scavenger hunting later, my empathy for the unknown Georgia athletic department staffer assigned to this chore was immense. Ludacris was booked in a hurry (just a few days before the game), and so the shopping had to be done in a hurry. This required SEC speed.

If the entire, 42-item hospitality rider dictated contractually by Ebony Son Management was completed, whoever did it deserves a raise. Imagine you are the grad assistant or other lower-level employee who suddenly is handed this list and the athletic department credit card. The mixture of surprise and panic must have been epic. Not to mention the sense of duty.

Damn Good Dawg, as they say in Athens.

In addition to the dozen white towels ("No old towels," the rider says) and a meal for 10, here is a verbatim, line-item look at what it cost to properly pamper Mr. Cris:

• "1 loaf of Bread (whole grain with the most amount of grains)." Cost: $3.29. Thought: Do I have to count the grains? Is anyone going to know if the chosen loaf only has the second-most grains? But then again, Georgia's spring football game is hanging in the balance; don't scrimp on the grains! Hunker down!

• "Organic Peanut Butter (Creamy only)." Cost: $5.59. Thought: Interesting capitalizations on this list.

• "Organic Jelly (Strawberry or Grape only)." Cost: $3.39. Thought: That's nice. Ludacris would like a health-conscious PB&J sandwich or two … before or after his eight-item dinner.

• "Candies (assorted i.e.: snickers, m & m's, jolly ranchers, etc)." Cost: $8.94. Thought: Ludacris has a sweet tooth.

• "1 box Green Tea (Tazo) w/condiments i.e.: lemon, organic honey, sugar. Cost: $3.99. Thought: I forgot the condiments. Hope this is not a deal-breaker. Would athletic director Greg McGarity fire me for failing to produce organic honey?

• "Nag Champa incense." Cost: $1.50 online. Thought: Now this is getting weird. There is no incense aisle at Kroger. Maybe somewhere in Athens, Ga., you can find this – but where? If I'm the Georgia staffer, this would be my first nervous call back to the office for help.

• "Box of Fruit Roll Ups." Cost: $2.99. Thought: OK, back to something manageable. Whew.

• "Mint Listerine." Cost: $4.99. Thought: If Luda only does one gargle, there will be a lot of wasted Listerine.

• "6 Hanes Large White T-Shirts." Cost: $24.99. Thought: Great, after the grocery store I have to hit Target for T-shirts. As if we're not going to give him Georgia T-shirts when he arrives.

• "1 Crest Spin rechargeable Toothbrush." Cost: $7.99. Thought: Risking it and going with an Oral-B brush because there are no Crest brushes in stock. Second thought: Are we really buying His Highness an electric toothbrush?

• "1 Bottle Crest Toothpaste." Cost: $3.19. Thought: If you're buying the brush, you've got to buy the paste.

• "2 large bags of chips (plain and bbq)." Cost: $6.38. Thought: What, no dip?

• "1 fresh unsalted almonds." Cost: $8.79. Thought: This is nuts.

• "1 fresh unsalted trail mix." Cost: $8.79. Thought: Who knew trail mix was that expensive?

• "4 greek strained yogurts." Cost: $6.79. Thought: You capitalize "Toothpaste" but not "greek"?

• "1 case low sodium V8 juices." Cost: $4.59. Thought: This would be my second frantic call back to the office – what constitutes a case? At Kroger, V8 comes in six-pack containers. Gambling that's good enough.

• "1 Box of Trojan Magnum Condoms (excstacy)." Cost: $10.49. Thought: I am NOT getting paid enough to do this. Second thought: Please don't let Vince Dooley find out. Third thought: What happens between the hedges stays between the hedges.

• "2 Jo Malone candles (Gardinia scent)." Cost: $130.00. Thought: Mission Impossible. This is Athens, not Buckhead. And that particular scent is hard to find anywhere except online. Do we overnight two candles to Sanford Stadium? Is there an acceptable substitute? Does Karl Malone make candles?

• "1 bottle of Eucerin lotion (original dry skin therapy)." Cost: $11.49. Thought: Moisturize, baby.

• "1 can of Almonds." Cost: $4.99. Thought: The fresh almonds weren't enough?

• "1 Bar Dove Soap." Cost: $1.79. Thought: Between the Listerine, the toothbrush and the soap, Ludacris is practicing some seriously good hygiene.

• "5 Wash Cloths (Wamsutta/Bed Bath & Beyond)." Cost: $29.95. Thought: Add another stop to the shopping spree.

• "5 drying towels (Wamsutta)." Cost: $49.95. Thought: In addition to the other towels? Are we drying off an entire team here?

• "2 Bottles of Belvedere Vodka." Cost: $78. Thought: Doesn't Sanford Stadium prohibit alcohol?

• "2 Bottles of Conjure Cognac." Cost: $49.98. Thought: This is Ludacris' own line of cognac. He couldn't bring his own bottles from home? Never mind, don't question. Do it for the Dawgs.

• "2 Bottles of Patron Silver." Cost: $73.94. Thought: I'm going to need a couple shots of this myself when this is over.

• "2 packs of AA Batteries." Cost: $8.58. Thought: ?????.

• "2 packs of AAA Batteries." Cost: $11.98. Thought: ?????.

• "2 lighters." Cost: $5.44. Thought: For the candles. Of course.

• "1 Bottle of Red Wine (Francis Coppola Merlot or Cabernet)." Cost: $14.99. Thought: Pretty pedestrian wine taste.

• "1 Bottle of White Whine (Santa Margharita Pino Grigio or Savignon Blanc)." Cost: $22.99. Thought: Spelling optional.

• "1 Gallon of Tropicana Orange Juice." Cost: $6.29. Thought: Mixer.

• "1 Gallon of Cranberry Juice." Cost: $3.20. Thought: More mixer.

• "2 Cases of chilled FIJI water." Cost: $25.98. Thought: Again, the case conundrum. Hope it's enough.

• "1 Case of Nico Cocunut water." Cost: $23.83. Thought: Found a Zico, not a Nico. Will have to do.

• "2 Cases of Snapple (Raspberry, Kiwi, Strawberry, Grapeade (Assorted)." Cost: $13.98. Thought: Ludacris is very thirsty.

• "2 Cases of Lemon Lime Gatorade." Cost: $11.98. Thought: Stay thirsty, my friend.

• "12 Assorted Minute Maid Juice Boxes." Cost: $4.15. Thought: How many times is he going to have to go to the bathroom during this concert?

• "1 Hair Brush (with bristles, African American)." Cost: $8.99. Thought: Time for that third frantic call to the office to learn about African-American hair brushes.

• "1 Small Secret Deodorant." Cost: $0.99. Thought: As the old advertisement goes, "Strong enough for a man but made for a woman." But, in this instance, being worn by a man?

• "1 Iron & Ironing Board." Cost: N/A. Thought: I'll bring mine from home.

Total bill: $710.14. Excluding tax. Of course, that's a pittance compared to the cost of the concert. That bill ran $65,000.

According to reports, the show lasted 13 minutes.