What’s better than watching solar eclipse at Augusta National? Shopping at the Masters

This must’ve been what it was like if the Garden of Eden ever welcomed a rainbow.

There is beauty and there is bliss. Then there is Augusta National — heaven on Earth, as some call it. It is pristine. If you were building a golf course with Monopoly money, this is what it would look like — a place where the grass is always flawless, the flowers are always in bloom and the memories grand enough to bring tears.

So imagine that scene in the midst of a total solar eclipse. Imagine a shooting star in Nirvana. Two cosmic events coinciding for a once-in-a-lifetime moment. Yes, there was a solar eclipse in 2017. And, yes, the Masters is an annual tradition. But an eclipse during the Masters has only happened once — and it was back in 1940, back before most of Monday’s patrons were alive.

The viewing dreams are endless. Imagine sitting on the 16th hole — the crystal water reflecting this one-in-a-generation cosmic event. Imagine sitting at Amen Corner, to stare high in the sky — special sunglasses on — at one marvel then remove the cardboard and reveal another.

Or imagine this. As the stars and the gods and whatever aligned in perfect harmony, you were away from the 16th hole, away from Amen Corner, away from the eclipse — and tucked in a golf shop trying not to spend your life savings on striped polos and quarter-zips.

“Was the merch worth it?” asked 30-year-old D’Andre Esposito from Raleigh, who missed the eclipse to spend $869.09 at the golf shop. “Absolutely. I’m trying to think of excuses to tell my wife when this credit card bill hits. … The excuse is that I’m stupid and impulsive, but the eclipse will help. It’ll help.”

A little bit further away stood the sweetest quartet of women: Pat, Phyllis, Nancy and Jennifer, the latter three who are Augusta natives and have been coming to the tournament since the 1960s. Pat said she remembers the days when she could walk up to the ticket booth and buy stubs for $4. Phyllis said here husband used to work for Georgia Railroad Bank and Trust, back when the bank had to pass out tickets and beg folks to Augusta National.

They’ve been spending Aprils at Augusta National since they were kids — and they were all basically decked head to toe in Masters apparel. But, darnit, every year there’s new stuff. How can any sane human resist?

“This shirt,” says Jennifer, reaching toward a pink polo in Phyllis’ bag, “I’ve never seen this shirt before.”

“I got hats and shirts and got stuff for my great-grandson,” said Phyllis. “And I just had a wonderful time in there. That’s my kind of shopping.”

But, what about that eclipse? The Masters passed out special glasses — which are already being listed on eBay for about $100 a pair — to see the thing? Did anyone even look?

“No,” they all said in unison.

“I’m afraid,” said Phyllis. “I have the little glasses but, nah, I didn’t want to.”

Others stood outside the golf shop just after 3:30 p.m. (the maximum obscuration in Augusta occurred at 3:08), plastic bags full of merchandise in their hands, with no real care other than waiting for their friend or spouse to also emerge from the golf shop.

Alex Smith was one of those. He lost his buddies in Narnia wonderland that is the Augusta National golf shop and no one thought of creating a meeting place. So Smith stood just in front of the exit, eagle-eyeing everyone who walked out.

There was an eclipse just above his head, but Smith didn’t even bother looking.

“It’s all good. I saw one in 2017. One (more) wasn’t too big to miss,” said Smith, whose bill was over $800. “It might (happen) again. You never know. Who knows?”

There will not be another solar eclipse in the Southeast region of the United States until 2045, and the odds that lines up with Masters week seems unlikely.

But when that one comes, it’ll have nothing on the hat rack inside the golf shop.

“That’s pretty absurd what you see in there,” Smith said of the golf shop. “That’s a wild scene.”

You would’ve been hard-pressed to find someone who disagreed with Smith. One of Elon Musk’s rockets could have been doing loops and the sky and those huddled around the golf shop wouldn’t have cared.

“I didn’t even see the eclipse,” said Josh Warren, standing outside the gift shop waiting for his wife. “The gift shop absolutely (is better).”

Monday was not Warren’s first time at Augusta National. Back in 2007, while stationed at Camp Taji just outside of Baghdad, Iraq, one of Warren’s fellow soldiers told him the Masters had a lottery system, telling Warren they should both apply. They’ve won it five times already, including both Warren and his buddy winning this year.

But Warren’s friend couldn’t make it this week. All he asked was for Warren to buy him a shirt.

He should’ve asked for three!

“I was like, ‘OK!’ said Warren, a native of Waynesboro, Tennessee who dropped $1,370 at the golf shop. “I’ll buy you a shirt and several glasses and whatever else you need.”

Speaking of glasses, no one near the gift shop had much use for them. Why use free glasses when the golf shop has a pair for $100?

“I do have the goggles and I’m ready to go when it goes,” said Esposito, the visitor from Raleigh. “I’m here to watch the Masters.”

Esposito stood outside the golf shop with a full bag in his left hand. The eclipse been waning for about a half hour.