Anthony Smith opens up on emotional camp before UFC 310 loss, plans to retire after next bout 'win, lose or draw'

Anthony Smith fought for much more than the typical fight result in his last UFC appearance.

UFC 310 in December was one of the extremely few times in Smith's 59-fight career he fought without his longtime coach and best friend, Scott Morton. Known for his incredible toughness and perseverance, "Lionheart" struggled more than ever before getting to the Octagon for his clash with Dominick Reyes. Even now, he's not entirely over Morton's absence, if he ever will be.

Although Smith suffered a second-round TKO defeat, it wasn't about that. He entered the arena on the night to do what he did without regret.

"I cried every single day on my way to practice and on my way back," Smith said Tuesday on "The Ariel Helwani Show." "I was in absolute grief. I couldn't even think straight. I still miss my friend. But after the fight, I've cried very little. I think I needed that to heal. That was — I don't know. I kind of did the same thing after my mom died. I just went and fought. Maybe I shouldn't have. Who knows? But I was better leaving the Octagon than I was going in. Because I'm a f***ing psychopath (laughs). There's something wrong with me. I don't know what it is, but there's something wrong with me. I don't know.

"When the fight was going, I realized immediately he was in a mixed martial arts competition that I didn't want to be a part of. I wasn't there for a competition. I was there for some healing and to get into a fistfight. I thought the first round went pretty well if the plan was to win the fight. That wasn't the plan, though. If I was able to exorcise whatever demons I was trying to exorcise then accidentally won, then great. But there was like healing and real chaos that needed to take place, and he wasn't interested in it. So, then we just have to go a different direction."

Smith, 36, was open about his feelings ahead of the bout. Speaking at UFC 310 media day, he stated that he didn't care if he won or lost.

While the outcome still wasn't ideal, as Smith hoped for all the chaos and violence imaginable, he believes it could have gone worse. Thankfully for the one-time light heavyweight title challenger, he received a little push of relief moments before making the walk.

UFC featherweight contender Bryce Mitchell was set to compete one fight after Smith battled Reyes. If it weren't for Arkansas' "Thug Nasty," Smith's certainty in himself could have been completely lost.

"I owe Bryce Mitchell a debt of gratitude," Smith said. "He was in my locker room, and I don't know that he could tell that something was going on, but he had this other room that was kind of off of mine a little bit. I don't know if he could tell something was off, and I was a little bit emotional, but I was kind of holding it together, but I'd like have to go back in the shower area to kind of lose it for a second, then pull it together. Then Bryce moved his whole team into my space. Didn't say anything. Didn't ask. Just walked in, and I remember he said something like, 'I just want to be closer to you, brother.' It was the oddest thing, but I felt more comfortable for some reason.

"They said, 'Anthony, you're walking in two minutes.' And I just felt like, I don't know, Bryce is a really faith-based person. I'm not a big prayer or church guy, but I just felt like I needed something from Bryce, and I kind of went over, and I put my hand on the back of his head, and I said, 'I need one from you.' He knew exactly what I meant. We kneeled down, and we had this amazing prayer.

"I don't remember exactly what he said, but I felt a little — I don't know — very unsure the whole day," he continued. "I don't know what I was unsure of. But leaving that moment with Bryce, I felt like, 'OK, you know exactly what you're supposed to be doing.' I felt good about it. Sad and whatever because of just the moment. I felt very vindicated, like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. You are where you're supposed to be, so that meant a lot to me. Sad, but definitely where I was supposed to be."

Smith has always been a highly active fighter throughout his MMA career (38-21). In just the last two years, he fought three times each, bringing his total number of years fighting at that frequency or higher to 13.

The post-fight scene at UFC 310 was a rough one for Smith. Emotions overwhelmed the veteran, indicating that it may have been the last time we saw him fight. However, Smith revealed he can't leave the sport on such a heavy note, and he has everything booked for big No. 60.

"It's one more," Smith said. "It's win, lose or draw. That's it. I do [know when]. April. It was more about the time and place [than the opponent]."

Before Morton passed prior to the Reyes fight, Smith planned to do three or four more. Self-aware of all he's doing in life and his feelings in the wake of these changes, Smith is content and won't push it beyond the next time out.

"I'm just kind of done. That was kind of it for me," Smith said. "You know when Khabib [Nurmagomedov] said he didn't want to do it anymore without his dad? That's kind of how I feel.

"I think I would just regret not doing [this next one] for me. The last one felt like it was for him, and give myself an opportunity to do the things in training camp that maybe I haven't done before. Even the last training camp, I spent a little more time at home with Scott, bounced around with Din Thomas, went to Arizona with Javier Torres, and I'm sure I'll do a little bit of that for this next training camp and just get a little bit of time in — like go spend a few days with [Ray] Longo, bounce over to wherever I've always wanted to and be a pupil to a lot of people I have a lot of respect for. Give myself the opportunity to do that then just go into it knowing that this is it. Have no reservations and second thoughts and not guesses. Just finalize it."