In Sunday's '90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days', Amanda felt "guilt" about her feelings for the Romanian actor, and her family feared she was "trying to cover up grief" of losing her husband to cancer
Amanda broke down over the complicated emotions she has about meeting someone new so soon after her husband’s death on Sunday night’s episode of 90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days.
Amanda’s husband Jason died of cancer. The couple had two young children together, a son and a daughter. After Jason’s death, Amanda, 31, began a long-distance relationship with 26-year-old Romanian TikTok stripper Razvan.
“When Jason was sick, he had told me he wanted me to find love again and move on. He was like, ‘It’s not fair for you to live your life alone,” Amanda explained. “I told [Razvan] early on that I was a widow and he truly has been someone that I can lean on."
However, Amanda acknowledged: "I do feel some guilt being with [him] so soon after my husband’s death. I know that he could never replace Jason, but we’ve started to form this really deep connection.”
In Sunday night’s episode, Amanda prepared to travel to Romania so the couple could meet in person for the first time. She and her sister, Amber, went to get a tanning treatment and Amber expressed concern about their relationship moving so quickly while she’s still grieving.
“I think Amanda plays the strong role. She doesn’t really like to show how bad she’s hurting,” Amber explained. “I don’t think she’s dealing with the loss of her husband. She’s just trying to cover up a lot of grief and [he] just happened to be right there at the right time.”
Amanda shared that she and Razvan had broken up “a few times” already, mostly due to her feeling jealous over his social media activities. She recalled one instance where she broke up with Razvan because he suggested during a livestream that a woman shower with her clothes on, wearing a t-shirt but no bra.
When Amanda suggested Razvan might propose if her visit goes well, Amber said the idea was “crazy” and that she didn’t think Amanda was ready for that.
“I’m worried that you don’t genuinely care about him when you’re just trying to cover this void that you have with Jason,” she said to her sister.
“It’s not like I was going out looking for someone. You don’t know how I feel being alone with the kids. No one can know that unless you’ve experienced it,” Amanda said, breaking down in tears. “I’m not just thinking of myself either. I feel like the kids need someone too, you know? Even before I met [him] I was thinking like, ‘How am I gonna do it? How am I gonna raise the kids?’ To be there and be everything they need … I can’t. I can never fill that other role.”
Later in the episode, Amanda and Razvan FaceTimed and talked about her children. Razvan said he was excited to meet the kids, and she asked him how he feels about being “the other adult in [the kids’] lives,” questioning if he’d be ready for that.
Razvan said he loves kids and that he feels like they would play together. A frustrated Amanda responded that it’s not only about playing, but also “taking care of them, helping them and guiding them.”
“I know it’s important to be a role model,” Razvan responded. “But I know they are missing their father, and I never can replace him. I want them to see me like a friend.”
His answer left Amanda feeling uncertain. “I think Razvan and I do have a future together,” she explained. “But it’s confusing for me because I’ve never been with anyone other than Jason. I am looking for a person that I can lean on and that’s there for me, there for my children.”
“But there is still a lot that I don’t know about Razvan,” she added. “I just really hope that he can be the partner I need for me and the kids.”
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90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days airs Sundays at 8 p.m. ET on TLC.
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