Dirty Tackle

Future News: Theo Walcott changes name to ‘Thierry Henry,’ Arsenal give him what he wants

The footballer formerly known as Theo Walcott with Old Thierry Henry. (Getty)

England winger/forward Theo Walcott has legally changed his name to Thierry Henry and started speaking with a French accent, prompting Arsenal to meet every one of his contract demands. The two sides had been involved in a highly publicized stand-off that lasted months as Henry (nee Walcott) demanded more money than Arsenal were prepared to offer and a switch to playing as a striker. Both of those wishes have now been granted with the player signing a contract that reportedly pays him "all the money" until "the next Thierry Henry is found."

The many comparisons to the old Thierry Henry -- who is once again training with Arsenal after his eight-year term with the club and brief loan spell last season -- intensified for Walcott when he scored a hat trick in his side's 7-3 win against Newcastle. Following that performance, he changed his name and manner of speaking, prompting Arsenal to act.

"As soon as Theo showed me the papers saying that his name is now Thierry Henry, I spoke to the board," said Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger. "This club could never turn down a 23-year-old Thierry Henry, so we immediately decided to give him whatever he wanted and make him a striker. Which is obviously his natural position."

"It's a dream come true," added the new Thierry Henry. "I would like to thank Arsenal for finally seeing things my way and Joey Barton for teaching me how to speak with a French accent very quickly."

The transition to his new identity hasn't been without consequences, though. Ireland fans have already transferred their anger onto him for the handball in the 2009 playoff match against France that helped keep them from qualifying for the 2010 World Cup and filled his house with bees.

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