Dirty Tackle

Future News: Pele declares Neymar’s son a better footballer than Messi’s son

Less than two weeks after the birth of Lionel Messi's first child, Thiago, Brazilian football legend Pele has decided that the boy is a far worse footballer than Neymar's 15-month-old son, Davi Lucca. This has only intensified the already heated debate as to who is the world's absolute greatest baby footballer.

"Everyone is talking about Messi's son," Pele told a stranger in Sao Paulo. "He is a star. But to be the best ever, first he must become better than Davi Lucca, who is a genius. He can't even crawl. And his ball control is terrible! At this rate, Thiago will never score 1,283 goals or win three World Cups like I did. Neither will his father. But I did both. Pele!"

When informed of Pele's opinion, Argentine legend Diego Maradona was quick to dismiss it.

"My God, that is just stupid," Maradona said to a McDonald's drive-thru intercom. "Maybe Davi Lucca is the best baby footballer in the world, but only if you say that Thiago is from a different planet. Which is where Lionel thinks babies come from. Every time I've tried to explain conception to him, he says 'that's gross' and runs out of the room. Anyway, Pele is obviously taking horse suppositories instead of his dementia pills again."

While media scrutiny and comparisons between the two babies' development grows along with them, Cristiano Ronaldo's two-year-old son, Cristiano Jr., continues to be criticized for not being humble enough.