Dirty Tackle

Andre Villas-Boas is the smartest man alive

Dirty Tackle

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Leonardo da Vinci, Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla were all very smart men. They're also all dead. So that means Andre Villas-Boas is the smartest man alive. That doesn't make him the greatest football manager ever, but by getting sacked when he's gotten sacked, he's proven to be the most brilliant.

The only thing better than getting paid to work in football is getting paid not to work at all. At 36 years old, Villas-Boas has already mastered this. He was given £12 million to stop working at Chelsea after just eight months on the job and now, less than two years later, he's getting £4 million to stop working at Spurs. Both of those were very well negotiated three-year contracts and he's only had to do a total of 13 months work between the two jobs before getting his payoffs, allowing him to spend the rest of the time with his family and do things that are actually important while still maintaining a handsome income. And since both of those jobs were in the same city, he didn't even have to travel much to collect all this money. Genius.

Of course, before reaping the benefits of these arrangements, he first had to establish value. The bait to his trap. So in his one year with Porto, he won the Primeira Liga, the Portuguese Cup and the Europa League. He could add more silverware to his haul, but how many trophies does you really need? After those first three, it just gets repetitive and showy and the positive buzz around you quickly turns to resentment. So he stopped there and moved along to the next step towards living life to its fullest.

Another important aspect to his success in life is the way in which he gets sacked. At both Chelsea and Spurs, Villas-Boas got himself dismissed before the situations became truly toxic, thus leaving the necessary doubt to ensure he's offered more jobs by optimistic club owners and defenders in the press and public. Was he the source of the problems or was he the cruelly treated victim of impatient jerks? Without conclusive proof one way or the other, the prematurely sacked manager usually gets the benefit of the doubt. Many have done this once. By doing this twice in a row, Villas-Boas has proven that he truly has it down to a science.

Another sign of true intelligence is learning from one's mistakes and that's something Villas-Boas has shown, as well. When he got sacked at Chelsea, it was in March. A worthless segment of the calendar that gave him precious few months before a new season and a new job began. When he got sacked at Spurs, it was in mid-December. Perfect timing not only to fully enjoy the holidays without having to endure the fixture congested Premier League schedule at this time of year, but even giving him time to shop with his wads of laborless dough.

Say what you want about Villas-Boas' tactics or management style, his squatting or his demeanor. We should all aspire to be as lucratively unfortunate as he is.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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