Puck Daddy Power Rankings: Dumb green jerseys, Penguins problems, Nail Yakupov

[Author's note: Power rankings are usually three things: Bad, wrong, and boring. You typically know just as well as the authors which teams won what games against who and what it all means, so our moving the Red Wings up four spots or whatever really doesn't tell you anything you didn't know. Who's hot, who's not, who cares? For this reason, we're doing a power ranking of things that are usually not teams. You'll see what I mean.]  

7. St. Patrick's Day jerseys

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, which is a good day to stay home if you live within a square mile of a bar that doesn't check IDs too closely. And with it comes some supremely obnoxious clothes-wearing. And because corporations know that the people who think green beer is a good idea will buy literally anything that's green, so too does the NHL sell green jerseys with Celtic-looking letters and hilarious jokes like “O'Vechkin” and “McCrosby” on the back.

With a price of about $140, the fact that they sold even one of these monstrosities is enough to dampen one's faith in the hockey-watching public.

6. The Leafs

Getting tuned up by the frickin' Oilers and Flames has to be absolute rock bottom, right?

Their recent road swing through Western Canada saw them drop three straight, and by a combined score of 14-5. Toronto is now on six wins since the new year, and they've played 33 games in that time (6-24-3). Three of those wins came after regulation, too. So that's 3-24 in games that were decided in 60 minutes (a .111 winning percentage).

Obviously the Leafs are now, wisely, in full-on tank mode, and it's for the best. But they've also become absolutely brutal to watch. Well, more so than they were before the calendar flipped to 2015. And probably the biggest reason for this is that Phil Kessel, Tyler Bozak, and James van Riemsdyk also continue to play together for some reason that defies explanation.

Like, okay, you think Tyler Bozak has to play with Kessel and van Riemsdyk because of whatever silly reasons you have. Fine. Let's say that's the case. But can you imagine a coach of any kind keeping a top line together when they score 21 total goals in 33 games and have that kind of talent? Sure, the PDO is mega-low — Kessel and van Riemsdyk are shooting 4 percent and 3.3 percent at evens, respectively — but don't you try literally anyone with Kessel at this point? Nazem Kadri, maybe? See what you can get from one of your other wings and swap out van Riemsdyk? Or how about the fact that, on the power play in that time, Bozak has more goals than Kessel and van Riemsdyk combined (4 to 1 to 2, respectively)?

The Leafs are just playing out the string at this point, getting to another long summer, and probably prepping to tear everything down to the studs. But if you want to trade Kessel or Bozak (or, heck, van Riemsdyk), how does this help any of them look more attractive? They're languishing in the worst way. All is lost anyway. They have younger players  that might warrant a look.

What a mess.

5. The Penguins

Almost everyone in Pittsburgh is hurt.

Well, almost everyone that's going to be a difference-maker down the stretch anyway. Evgeni Malkin could miss up to two weeks. Patric Hornqvist is out one. Sidney Crosby was a late scratch on Sunday in Boston, and there have been suggestions that he's been playing for at least some of the season at less than 100 percent (and if “less than 100 percent” still has you tops in points per game, you're playing pretty well anyway).

Unless they rebound and start winning more games even despite the health situation, there's reason to be worried about how they finish the schedule because they're probably going to play one of the New York teams in the first round. That is, they could either finish third in the division or first in the wild card slots, and in either event that probably books them a date with a tough division rival. Against the Rangers, they're 1-2-1 (the win being in the shootout. Against the Islanders, they're 1-2-1 with one more game on the docket in a little less than a month.

You really can't like the team's chances against either one of them. However, they could get lucky and have to play the Atlantic winner. Problem: The Atlantic winner will probably be Tampa.

4. Being in the Western Conference playoff race

Speaking of tight and upsetting playoff races, how about that Western Conference? This is being written ahead of Tuesday's games, but at that time, three points separated fifth from ninth. Which by my count means someone's going home very disappointed in a few weeks.

Winnipeg has dropped off pretty heavily of late, winning just four of their last 10 and opening the door for Los Angeles to get into the eighth slot and potentially scare the crap out of Anaheim — or, I guess, St. Louis or Nashville — in the first round. Calgary's still hanging around, Minnesota's still charging hard (Dubnyk for Hart Dubnyk for Hart Dubnyk for Hart), and Vancouver's in the mix.

Most of these teams strike the rational observer as being pretty good. Calgary isn't, Vancouver's probably only-okay, and Winnipeg seems to have lost the plot (they're below .500 without Evander Kane this season, and 21-9-7 with him) but everyone else looks solid enough. The smart money's still on Calgary to drop out, but this is just a bizarre race.

3. GM meetings

It's kind of amazing that it takes GMs in this league so long to get anything done, but at least the NHL is finally adopting 3-on-3 before the shootout.

That's really good news for clubs with two elite forwards and a good offensive defenseman, of course. If you're, say, New Jersey and you get out of 4-on-4 against the Devils, well here come Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Kris Letang over the boards. If you're Winnipeg, make way for Chicago to roll Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, and Duncan Keith. Anaheim and Los Angeles can clash Getzlaf/Perry/Beauchemin with Kopitar/Carter/Doughty.

This is great news if you're a top-heavy team, is the point.

As for the coaches' challenge, I mean, I think that's fine. In college hockey coaches can challenge certain things, and if they're wrong, they lose their timeout. That seems like a good system, but obviously we're going to have to see what happens.

By the way, the Canadian dollar exchange rate is down to 78 U.S. cents as I write this. A month or two ago, Gary Bettman said the league was figuring on a $73 million cap if it held steady at 88 cents, which it obviously hasn't, if the NHLPA used its cap escalator, which it might not. And yet despite the Canadian dollar now being 10 cents below that initial projection, the league continues to talk about a $71 million salary cap.

This is the lowest exchange rate since the salary cap era began, and by a margin of more than 10 cents. Last time it was anywhere close to this low, the cap only grew 0.2 percent. Why on earth would it increase almost 3 percent now? This seems like a huge issue, really.

2. Andrew Hammond

The Andrew Hammond story is awesome. Guy who's never been better than like .906 over more than one season at any level, and now he's quickly become a folk hero because he's .956 in his first 13 NHL games, and basically pushing his team toward (false) hope of a playoff appearance.

You know who's really doing well in all this, though? Bryan Murray. The temptation to give this kid a contract has to be there, but he's wisely waiting for the other shoe to drop, regression to hit, and Hammond to turn back into a sub-mediocre AHLer. That's when you can lock him up for a few years and be reasonably certain that you're getting good value. Even discussing a deal with this kid now would be insane; they're showering him with grilled meat sandwiches for crying out loud.

Even if his magic pads turn back into pumpkins and he doesn't play in the NHL ever again after this season — in a worst-case scenario — this last month at least netted him free McDonald's for the rest of his life. Hell, if anyone in the greater Ottawa area can pick Hammond out of a lineup three years from now they should get the same reward.

1. Nail Yakupov

What a guy, seriously. Yak City forever.

(Not ranked this week: Fighting.

It's down 14 percent this season. Here's to knocking off the rest next year.)

MORE FROM YAHOO HOCKEY: