The owners of the Pittsburgh Penguins are seeking to sell the team, and the asking price is reported to be around $750 million.
This is obviously a rather large ante, leading to some skepticism that the price will be met. But clearly, these financial analysts don’t recognize how easily finding that money can be if your desire is fueled by unfettered hatred of the product you’re seeking to purchase and, in turn, probably destroy.
To that end: a group of Philadelphia Flyers fans have started a GoFundMe to purchase the Penguins.
That’s just straight up diabolical.
The Orange and Black Pack, a Flyers blog, is behind the effort. As they wrote in their pitch:
Please help us purchase the worst franchise in the NHL so we can try to make it better by doing things like:
- Painting the entire inside of the arena Orange and Black
- Putting a giant photo of Claude Giroux on the outside of the building, facing the highway
- Repainting the parking lots stripes orange, with a Flyers logo in each spot
- Using colored thread to impose a beach ball in the net behind Fleury
- Make a wall of fame in the concourse with photos of our top donators
Kudos for holding back on “force Sidney Crosby to wear a diaper and a pacifier on the ice.” This truly is virtuous.
Well, actually, there is some virtue to it: If these Flyers fans somehow fall short of their goal of raising $750 million to buy the Penguins, they’re working with Flyers Wives charities to turn funds raised into donations to their various efforts.
BUT WHO ARE WE KIDDING? Of course they’re going to raise the money!
As of Sunday morning, the GoFundMe has raised 790 … dollars. Only $749,999,210 to go!
As you might imagine, Penguins fans have frowned upon this effort by their blood rivals to purchase and ruin their franchise. Our friends at The Pensblog offered a nuanced rejoinder:
“They’re gonna have to install at least 10 more food joints so that Kate Smith can come back from the dead and eat cheeseburgers all game.”
But honestly, in the long list of people to whom the Penguins owners would sell the franchise, “Flyers fans” probably ranks right between Jim Balsillie and Jared from Subway.
s/t Joe B.
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