Top stuff: Aussie blogger makes Jarryd Hayne’s debut a must-read event

What is the Australian equivalent of the Pulitzer? Is there such a thing? If so, we have our clear winner in the sports blogger category.

Take a deep breath, dear readers. What you are about to read is not of this earth country, and it’s absolutely the new-journalism wave of the future as it pertains to NFL writing. I pray, anyway.

The Aussies have been going stark mad over former rugby leaguer Jarryd Hayne, who was that country’s equivalent of Tim Tebow, Tom Brady and LeBron James rolled into one before he pursued — and so far has shockingly impressed in — a career in American football.

So Australian journalist Matt Cleary took the pilot’s seat for a ride on the Hayne Plane in his NFL debut, and it was absolutely smashing. (Cleary, that is, not Hayne, who was fairly meh, to be brutally frank.)

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Cleary live blogged the San Francisco 49ers’ game against the Minnesota Vikings Monday night, and his game updates made an awful football spectacle a must-follow action. Like, I found myself watching his blog and not the game most of the night.

For those used to a certain, oh, Americanized form of football writing, be prepared to rethink everything. This is just — as Cleary wrote several times throughout the game — top stuff.

The first game-changer:

That sets the table and lets us know this will be no ordinary run-through. Heck, Hayne could have done nothing but fill up Gatorade cups for his teammates all night and Cleary’s offerings would have been worth their weight in gold. But Hayne got in early, fielding a punt in the first quarter. That’s when things went a bit sideways.

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Not top stuff. But Cleary handles it like a pro. Onto the next one. Here’s a sampling of how Cleary imagines NFL football. Similar to how I’d narrate a rugby league match, dropped in with little context or knowledge, but brimming with enthusiasm. It’s a lifestyle.

Hayne gets back into the action after Reggie Bush goes down, and Cleary keeps firing away the gems. Reading it, you’re basically relearning the game yourself through someone else’s brain. I picture Yahoo's own Jay Busbee being a natural at this type of thing in Australia. Make it happen.

Someone get this man a cold Foster’s. Or whatever the good-beer version of Foster’s is in his country. The beauty is almost too much to handle, like staring into the sun. At high noon in Queensland.

Ever realize that the NFL is kind of ridiculous in a few ways? Most of us are buried so deep in it, we can’t see the wood for the trees. Allow Cleary to show us how.

All of this before halftime. Simply amazing work. But there’s more, so much more.

If you’re not crying at this point, you accidently double-dipped on the lithium this morning.

Sadly, the game started nearing its end. Thankfully, we’ll have this blog — please, dear Aussie editors, make this a fixed post — forever.

I want him blogging everything: not just American sporting events (but definitely that), also beauty pageants, all-you-can-eat contests, Food Network cooking competitions, "The Voice," "American Ninja Warrior"... the works. I'm willing to tithe my salary to help fund a Los Angeles pied-à-terrefor Cleary, and so should you.

Hayne is now my favorite player in the NFL, and Cleary my favorite journalist since H.L. Mencken. I now have unlearned everything I thought I knew about writing and American football, and it’s a beautiful thing.

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Eric Edholm is a writer for Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at edholm@yahoo-inc.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @Eric_Edholm