Eli Apple can't cook? Dumb quote marks apex of pre-draft lunacy

A college prospect had to defend his cooking skills, which were criticized by an anonymous scout, the day before the NFL draft.

Read that sentence as many times as you need to. Let it sink in. Again: A big-time college football player, Ohio State cornerback Eli Apple, actually had to explain to the media that he can actually cook food as he awaits being drafted by an NFL team.

Check, please. I'm out. This is it. We've reached the apex of silly in the NFL's silly season. I want off the ride.

The origin is a story by Bob McGinn, the fantastic reporter from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. In a story that gathered scouts' thoughts on players, there was this spit-take inducing quote from an anonymous scout on Apple:

Can't cook. Seriously. An NFL team is looking for players and one guy is worried Apple can't properly prepare a pot roast.

[Yahoo Fantasy Football is open for the 2016 season. Sign up now]

This led to Dave Birkett, another outstanding reporter at the Detroit Free Press, asking Apple about his cooking skills. This is what happens when we have almost three free months to dissect draft prospects. Apple said that quote was making him mad because he can cook, and has cooked before for his Ohio State teammates like linebacker Darron Lee. 

"I can make waffles," Apple said, according to the Free Press. "I can hook the eggs up with the bacon, the cheese, mix it in there a little bit. Hash browns. I do it all. And lunch, too. I can make a couple burgers for you. Hot dogs. Whatever you need, I can provide."

WHY ON EARTH ARE WE DISCUSSING ELI APPLE'S COOKING SKILLS?

There are a million reasons why the anonymous scout quote thing has gotten out of hand, and our friend Doug Farrar pointed many out in a piece for Sports on Earth. At best it's dopey and misleading, at the worst it's disingenuous, mean-spirited and borderline defamation.

Think about this example with Apple. There is an actual scout who thinks Apple's life skills, including his ability to cook (I'm 39 years old and if I can't barbecue it, I'm pretty much useless in that area too), affects his NFL future. Even worse, he's willing to share that information knowing it will get published by a respected reporter and consumed by the masses. Even though it doesn't seem like it's even true and Apple says he can cook up a decent breakfast for you at a moment's notice.

What are we doing here? Why does this even matter? It's a perfect example of two things: 1) the stuff that's dished out anonymously is mostly nonsense, and 2) NFL teams are killing themselves with over-analysis. Maybe that's why so many mistakes are made. You have at least one scout presumably telling a decision-maker for his team that a player might be a problem because of his culinary skills. How much of that is going on for other prospects? Are the Los Angeles Rams going to pass on Jared Goff because he doesn't smell nice? Is Jalen Ramsey going to slip because he can't figure out a proper Windsor Knot on a necktie? What's the point of this madness?

So be happy the draft is almost upon us. At least we can be done with this stuff until next year. Maybe Apple can cook us all a steak dinner to celebrate.

PODCAST: The ultimate NFL Mock Draft breakdown:

Grandstanding: A Yahoo Sports podcast
Subscribe via iTunes or via RSS feed

- - - - - - -

Frank Schwab is the editor of Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at shutdown.corner@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @YahooSchwab