Early last week, the NBA unveiled the single-color, stencil-font jerseys that teams will wear for its high-profile slate of Christmas games. However, for a global corporation, simply announcing new products for sale is not enough. There must be a compelling advertisement, as well.
With that in mind, the NBA called upon five of its most marketable stars — Dwight Howard, Carmelo Anthony, Russell Westbrook, Dwyane Wade, and, uh, Joe Johnson — to dribble in a manner such that it would produce the sound of the Yuletide classic "Carol of the Bells." As Trey Kerby said at The Basketball Jones, this is now "Carol of the Balls."
Except for Dwight Howard, these NBA All-Stars are expert dribblers, but I find it hard to believe that they were able to produce these specific sounds. The NBA's marketing geniuses likely used ProTools, and I'd guess they also cut together unrelated footage of each player to make it seem like they recorded everything live. Let's make sure to thank this computer magic for a true holiday miracle.
Yet, while this "performance" may be a mirage, it still has inspired a potentially great idea. This offseason, when free agency has died down and sports fans have been lulled into complacency by the long baseball season, the NBA can grab people's attention by debuting a touring company of "NBA Stomp!" featuring only second-tier players. Sure, Nike may technically own the rights to any such idea via their classic percussive basketball ads, but something tells me these longtime partners can work out a profit-sharing deal. The future of art depends on it.
Some of you may think this is a stupid idea. But just try to tell me you wouldn't pay $50 to watch Gordon Hayward attempt to recreate Train's "Hey Soul Sister" with nothing more than a basketball, a hardwood floor, and a referee's whistle.
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- Dwight Howard
- Carmelo Anthony
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