Create-a-Caption: Carmelo Anthony smiles through the slime

There are a lot of things you can do on television, Carmelo Anthony. You can appear on your wife's VH1 reality show, for example, or shoot guest spots for "Law & Order: SVU" and "Nurse Jackie." I'm sure that Nickelodeon was filming your participation in its Worldwide Day of Play festivities; being shown on-air having fun and teaching kids that exercise is important is totally fine.

But that? No, I'm sorry. You can't do that on television.

Best caption wins all the charm that plucky Canadian youth of the 1980s could muster. Good luck.

In our last adventure: Isiah Thomas and Hannah Storm can each fly higher than an eagle, for they are the winds beneath each other's respective wings. That's right, sports fans: "Beaches" jokes in 2011. What a country!

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Winner, Chad: Isiah Thomas: "So I said, 'Jimmy, just hear me out here. Starbury still has something left in the tank. Did you see those 50-footers he was hitting in China? That's like a full-court shot here in America!'"

Hannah Storm: "Oh, my Lord, that's too funny, Isiah. So what did he say back?"

Thomas: "Wait, what's funny?"

Runner-up, Robert C: "So Kobe walks into a bar ... ouch." (NOTE: Classic joke construction. You have a strong nightclub career ahead of you, Robert C.)

Second runner-up, Marco S: Thomas: "And I said, 'Poke her? I don't even know her!'"

Storm: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Thomas: "... Then they went and filed that dang lawsuit anyway."