Monday Musings: There once was a petulant southpaw...

Chris Sale. Good fashion sense. Bad problem-solving skills.

Did he really find those throwback Chicago White Sox jerseys so reprehensible that he had no choice but to rid the clubhouse of their disco era presence? Maybe. But when the Chicago White Sox ace gave those jerseys a radical redesign with a knife, on Saturday, it was more like a dismayed lover tossing a new ex's belongings out onto the lawn in a climax of relationship decay. It's not about the stuff, actually. Sure, those 1976 inspired White Sox uni's were god-awful and bringing them back into the light is kind of like asking Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez to do a remake of Gigli. Sale's rocky relationship with the White Sox pre-dates all of this, though and his Norman Bates attack on the jerseys will go down as a symptom of the problems - not the cause - as Sale makes his way out of Chicago in the near future.

A limerick, just for Chris Sale:

There once was a pitcher named Sale. Against throwbacks with collars he'd rail. He picked up a knife. And ended the strife. Twas impulse he could not curtail.

Okay, another:

There once was a petulant southpaw. To him, collared tops were the last straw. He proceeded to chop them. Nobody could stop him. And now his new nickname is Buzzsaw.

Alright, one more, with some sympathy for Sale:

There once was a jersey with collars. It was ugly to many baseballers. One hero destroyed them. So they all could avoid them. It's fodder for sportstalk show callers.

This situation might be deserving of something more artful than a mere limerick, though. I offer this haiku: The jerseys mock me. Is this a dagger I see? "Trade me now" I cry!

"Sounds like Rio might not be able to properly handle hosting the Olympics" is a line akin to "I think Kim Kardashian might be in it just for the money" or "I'm not sure Donald Trump is exactly on the up and up when it comes to this tax return business."

Rio is, in fact, ready to host the Olympics. You know, provided "the Olympics" is a theme park designed by Tim Burton and Stephen King. Australia's Chef de Mission, Kitty Chiller (which would be a great name for someone associated with a Stephen King theme park, by the way) announced, over the weekend, that the Aussie team would not be staying in the athletes' village if there weren't major improvements to the lodgings. From her statement:

"Problems include blocked toilets, leaking pipes, exposed wiring, darkened stairwells where no lighting has been installed and dirty floors in need of a massive clean."

Okay, that's not great but it doesn't sound TOO terrib --

"Water has come through the ceiling resulting in large puddles on the floor..."

Alright, Kitty. We get it. Now, if we could just --

"Water came down walls, there was a strong smell of gas in some apartments and there was “shorting” in the electrical wiring."

Good lord. Hard to think of a combination - other than Chris Sale and throwback jerseys - more combustible than that of gas and electrical wiring shorts. Nobody needs impromptu Olympic torches popping up all over the place.

Can't blame Chiller for balking at this and you just know it has to be bad if she doesn't think the team can tough it out in those conditions. If there's one thing I've learned from Mad Max, it's that Aussies can usually make do, even in the toughest of circumstances. I have a suggestion. Move the Australians to better quarters and give their designated spot to the International Olympic Committee's executive members.

THE LITTLE THINGS

Congratulations, Jonathan Vegas... umm... Jonathan Vegas....I mean Jonathan Vegas - Damn you, spellcheck, let me spell it the way he wants it.

Trampoline champ Rosie MacLennan has been chosen as Canada's flag bearer for the Olympics. I don't mean to brag but she's a grad of the same high school I went to, in King City, Ontario. Rosie's a clear example of the greatness that can be achieved if parents would only refrain from telling their kids to stop jumping on the bed so much.

The Edmonton Eskimos let a 25-point, second half lead slip away in a 37-31 loss to the Hamilton Ticats on Saturday night. I'm guessing any planned Flo Rida after-party was called off. He probably asked to hitch a ride on the Ticats' charter anyway.

Daniel Nestor won his 90th career title on Sunday, in Washington. His might be the greatest while simultaneously quietest sports career in Canadian history.

Toronto Mayor John Tory took part in a Milos Raonic tennis exhibition just ahead of the opening of what I still like to call The Canadian Open. Is it just me, or when you say "Milos Raonic tennis exhibition," does it inevitably come out "tennish"?

BUT SERIOUSLY

Well, what a mess.

A blanket ban of all Russian athletes sure would have made things nice and tidy for the Rio Olympics but it's not what we're getting. It may not have been an easy decision to make, but the International Olympic Committee could have spared a lot of international governing bodies a lot of headaches over the next ten or twelve days.

If the IOC had gone ahead and turfed the Russian team completely (in addition to the ban it's already placed on the Russian track and field team) it would have risked the scorn of a powerful nation and the icy stares of Vladimir Putin himself.

Bu that's the kind of thing it's supposed to be there for, after all.

At first blush, the decision to let the individual athletics federations investigate and make decisions about each Russian athlete on an individual basis looks noble and worthy. Each athlete on their own merits and all of that.

But when you look at the work the IOC is asking these federations to do in less than two weeks, it's staggering and not at all conducive to constructive judgment. When you see the conditions the IOC has placed on these federations, you conclude that the task is one of, well, Olympic proportions.

Thanks a lot, the governing bodies must be saying. Appreciate you taking that giant doping file of yours and plopping it on our desk on a Friday afternoon before the long weekend. You passed the buck with the crisp, clean delivery of a relay sprinter.

Some athletes will probably be punted in these next two weeks as the games draw near. But what we'll mostly get is a hodge-podge of Russian competitors in various events, all with imaginary question marks floating over their heads and with suspicions raised every time one of them takes the podium. That's because their country has a terrible record when it comes to cheating, as spelled out in the recently released McLaren report and it's also because it's nearly impossible for all the needed investigations to be carried out in any manner other than a cursory one which will leave us hearing a whole lot of rubber stamp thuds in the days leading up to Rio.

It's time for the Olympics, folks, where in so many cases, dopers take the medals and the poor sap "cleanies" go home with team jackets and life experience.

The International Olympic Committee could have made a big stand here.

Instead, the IOC toga party watches as President Thomas Bach tucks a fiddle up under his chin.