Hockey Wives, ep. 7: It's Christmas time

On this week’s episode of Hockey Wives, we were gifted the answer to a question that lingers in our collective minds: How do hockey wives — and hockey players — celebrate Christmas?

Well, NHL players need Christmas cards too. Meaning they have to collect the kids and dress them up like the rest of us, though if you’re the Getzlafs you head to your private beach to take photos as opposed to, say, your local Wal-Mart. But whether you’re sitting on white sand or posing for Tony at the Photo Centre, getting three children under the age of five to smile and stand still simultaneously is a challenge no matter what.

“As long as everyone is looking and has some sort of decent smile then I’m good,” Paige said, letting go of the idea of capturing a perfect moment.

NHL players also need Christmas trees. Kodette LaBarbera explains her family doesn’t have a lot of holiday traditions because they’ve moved nearly every year, spending most Christmases with the teammates they’re around at the moment. But perhaps this year they can start a tradition many families around the world hold dear: disagreeing on which Christmas tree is the best one to take home. While shopping on a farm, Kodette says she likes her trees short and full, while Jason wants one that’s tall and skinny. But, as always, both ultimately concede to the people really in charge: the kids. (For the record, Easton and Ryder LaBarbera opted for a short, puffy evergreen.)

The Getzlafs also took a similar route while tree shopping, opting to take home the one baby Willa meticulously chose (read: arbitrarily pointed at.)

Of course we can’t forget the classic holiday tradition of visiting the in-laws and being subject to endless questions about things you don’t want to talk about. That’s right —NHL players have to do that too. Do you want to talk about your career woes with your spouse’s family? Cause Jonathan Bernier sure doesn’t. “I can tell Jonathan doesn’t like it when they talk about hockey. But it’s normal. Everybody wants to talk about it,” said Martine Forget, before her husband-to-be engineered an excuse to get away from her family’s inquiries.

But Christmas with the in-laws doesn’t have to be entirely awkward. Daniel Winnik joined his wife Taylor in Lake Tahoe, Nevada, sacrificing Christmas with his own family to be with hers. In their continued quest to be voted prom king and queen of Hockey Wives, Taylor and Daniel take a romantic dip in the hot tub, drinking red wine as soft snowflakes land on their heads. They laugh and amuse themselves by daring the other to jump out of the warm water and play in the snow momentarily. After the fun and games, the pair reminisces about how a year earlier, on Christmas Eve, Daniel proposed to Taylor near that very spot. (Of course they got engaged on Christmas Eve. How can any couple, anywhere compete with these two?)

Daniel asked Taylor to meet him in the backyard to give her a present. Taylor, for reasons I can’t begin to explain or understand, assumed her boyfriend had rented a wild animal. “Like a reindeer was going to be in the backyard. Or some kind of moose.” Is that really where your mind goes when you think romantic Christmas gift, Taylor? But I digress. When Taylor stepped outside, there were no reindeer or moose, just Daniel standing among Christmas lights as “their song” played.

“He got down on one knee and he said, ‘Taylor will you marry me?’ He started crying and I said, ‘Wait no. You don’t want to marry me. You’re kidding. You don’t want to marry me.’ And he goes, ‘Taylor, you haven’t said yes.’…I was like ‘Oh my God, yes. Absolutely, I want to marry you,’ Taylor said.

But the proposal story isn’t even the best Daniel and Taylor (Danlor? Taniel?? I’ll work on their couple name for next week) moment of the episode. During the Christmas morning gift exchange, Dan surprises his wife with a Chanel purse (Chanel, like her sister Tiffany, is always a wise choice, men), meanwhile Taylor bought her husband a toilet – but not just any toilet.

“You got the greatest toilet of all time,” Dan says, grinning as he unwraps the giant box.

Apparently this toilet, a beloved feature of a hotel in Montreal, is a wonder to behold. It wipes, it blow dries, it’s heated and it opens when you approach it. “It’s everything you ever wanted!” Taylor says, giddy.

Let’s just start counting those prom ballots now, shall we?

The only non-holiday themed storyline this week followed Maripier Morin, engaged to Brandon Prust, as she wrapped up her work commitments for the year and eyed a future that is, for once in her adult life, uncommitted to any projects and uncertain of what comes next.

It was revealed in the previous episode that MP wouldn’t move to Vancouver to be with her fiancé and would instead pursue employment opportunities. The reason, she explains, is because choosing love over her career would cause them to break up. That’s been MP’s tune for the entire series, so it’s not a surprising confession. She’s a well-known personality on the Quebec media scene, but she’s eager to establish herself in the English market. Her rationale is taking a few months off would derail the progress she’s made. There is, however, one head-scratching moment when MP is discussing how to pursue working in English.

“I feel like I just need one project to break out and show people what I can do, but it’s hard to get that chance.”

Uh, what? Hey MP, are you’re reading this? Well, if you are, I just wanted to let you know that you’re starring in a national television series called Hockey Wives. You’re on it right now, actually. In fact, I can see you on my TV in Toronto this very second. And, you’ll be on it again next week … on Hockey Wives.

Three Stars of the episode: Hockey Wives dog edition

Third star: Aspen LaBarbera

Second star: Sonny Winnik

First star:  Mario Winnik

Best line of the episode: While decorating the apartment, Kodette LaBarbera is teaching her young son, Easton, what mistletoe is.

Kodette: “Where should I hang it?” she asks about the mistletoe

Easton: “Just put this in the trash.”

Misplay of the episode: Martine Forget sends fiancé Jonathan Bernier to the grocery store, specifically requesting thin-crust, pre-made pizza dough. Bernier later returns with thick-crust pizza dough that is expired. “He never looks at dates, ever,” Martine says. The story did have a happy ending, though. Luckily, he is still Jonathan Bernier and even in Canadiens country, he still gets a little special treatment. Despite returning to the store after it had closed, the staff permits him to exchange the dough.