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The Eh Game

The Blue Jays have a mysterious new player with a strange name

Ian Denomme
Eh Game

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DUNEDIN, Fla. – The Toronto Blue Jays, one year after making a number of high-profile moves to try to become contenders, were panned for mostly remaining quiet this past offseason. After a last-place finish in 2013, many fans were frustrated that the 2014 roster will look almost exactly the same.

But on Wednesday at Florida Auto Exchange Stadium there was one new name in the Blue Jays’ clubhouse: DUMB ASS.

The unwritten etiquette rules of major-league clubhouses, not to mention common decency, prevent the use of cell phone cameras anywhere near the players’ lockers. But rest assured there was a prominent locker in the centre of the clubhouse with a name plate above it – white text on a blue, next to the Blue Jays’ logo, in all caps: “DUMB ASS.”

Who is the mysterious player and what did he do to deserve the moniker?

“That’s the first time I’ve ever even noticed it,” said Blue Jays reliever Aaron Loup, sitting comfortably at his locker under a similarly styled nameplate that read #62 AARON LOUP.

Blue Jays third baseman Brett Lawrie wouldn’t reveal a name but provided some insight into the dynamics of the locker room.

“That’s a person who forgot to put their name on their stuff,” Lawrie said.

Loup agreed that it’s not necessarily one particular player, but more of collection of equipment for forgetful dumb asses.

“It can be anyone,” Loup said. “Anyone that loses their [stuff] or don’t have their name on something. It ends up there. . . Like the lost and found locker.

“I try to keep my stuff in my locker, so for the most part I wouldn’t be over there.”

So there you have it. The Blue Jays’ DUMB ASS may in fact be a collective. Who is part of the dumb ass fraternity? We may never know as it’s a closely guard clubhouse secret. The players themselves may not know they’re a dumb ass until they find their pants in that locker some day.

Another spring training mystery solved. Don’t be rushing out to buy a freshly pressed Blue Jays jersey with ‘Ass’ on the back, fans.

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