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SB Nation’s “Tim Tebow CFL Chronicles” look at a very different league

andrew bucholtz

The idea of Tim Tebow starring in the CFL may not make much sense from a varietyofperspectives (amazingly, that's something Warren Moon, Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith can all agree on), but that hasn't quelled the story. Tebow still hasn't found an NFL landing spot following his release by the New York Jets at the end of April, and that's increased the talk that he might find his way up north. Given that Tebow to the CFL discussion has been going on for years, though, there isn't much new for most to say on the subject. That's where SB Nation's Jon Bois comes in.

Bois has created some pretty funny fictional narratives over the years through his involvement with Progressive Boink, The Dugout and other sites, and his first two installments of "The Tim Tebow CFL Chronicles" follow in that vein; he's generated an alternate universe where Tebow is, in fact, a CFL star (but it's a very different league, involving passes from the tops of buildings and drives that end at seas). Don't take these pieces as containing any actual CFL information, as Bois has just randomly inserted former NFL players like Garrison Hearst, Freddie Mitchell and Bam Morris, and he isn't attempting to describe the CFL's real rules (or what Canada's actually like, for that matter), but these pieces can definitely provide a few laughs. Here's an excerpt from the first one:

First snap out of the end zone: a run, across the sidewalk that ran along the northwest wall of the Rogers Centre, first down. The second, a bomb: with strength the fibers of my muscles had surely been nesting away all my life, I threw that three-pound football 40 yards into the arms of Freddie Mitchell. He ran to the foot of the CN Tower before falling over a hot dog cart. The vendor threw up his arms in disgust; Freddie flipped him the bird. Another first down.

And here's another excerpt from the second piece:

So we keep on driving -- a run here, a bootleg there, a long pass, an occasional hook-and-lateral thrown in. We implemented a team rule: unless Hearst or June said otherwise, if you got free, you could run 200 yards, but then you took a knee. We just couldn't risk separating the rest of the team from the ball like that. More importantly, if you're by yourself out in the countryside of southern Ontario, there are all kinds of troubles you can find yourself in.

It's September 4th. It took us 16 days to drive from the Rogers Centre to the Kawartha Lakes vicinity. The suburban houses had long ago given way to farmland, and now the farms were giving way to the wilderness. We put ourselves up in a series of cabins. The generators from our supply trailers, driven there by team personnel, roared on the other side of the camp.

If you want to explore more of this alternate universe where Tim Tebow and Garrison Hearst lead the Argos on a drive towards the Sea of Labrador, check out Bois' pieces here and here, or follow him on Twitter to see if more are coming. They're at least a nice change of pace from the endless debate over if Tebow could be an effective player in the CFL. In reality, though, Bois is still answering that question too. He just has a very unique answer: "Yes, but in an exceptionally different CFL."