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Sochi 2014: What to watch, Day 7 (February 14)

Well, Day 7 at Sochi falls on Valentine's Day.

If I could ask you for one thing - just one thing - it would be that we all try and fall in love, again, with ski ballet. Read my column on the greatest winter sport ever invented and I am sure you'll rekindle the affair that had us all in rapture at both the '88 and '92 Olympics. There's video in there and everything. Oh, and as a bonus, I embedded some video of freestyle canoe, also known as canoe dancing. A guy emotively paddling to Chris DeBurgh's "Lady in Red"? Come on. You gotta click on that.

So, Jennifer Jones is blasting every women's curling team in her sight so far. She's skipped her team to a 5 and oh record and is sizzling. When you're playing like that you just want to keep it going. You don't want any interruptions. Keep it flowing. So, let's see who she plays on Day 7.... NOOOOOOOO!!! Don't give her a complete day off!! Damn you, IOC! DAMN YOU TO HELL! Big men's curling event on, however. That sees Canada's Brad Jacobs taking aim at the Norwegians, whose pants may well be illegal. Canada's in fifth place and Norway's one of the teams above them. Only four teams get to the medal round, so, you do the math. The really, really easy math. Midnight ET, on CBC.

I know, I know. It's tough for Canadian hockey fans to get up for anything other than a game against Norway. And our men gutted out a thrilling, 3 - 1, victory over the Norwegians and that makes it tough to get jazzed for anything else, especially since we're still basking in that afterglow. Great news! Who do we hate, almost as much as the Norwegians, in hockey? That's right. The Austrians! Austria has New York Islanders' forwards Tomas Vanek and Michael Grabner and Philaelphia Flyers' Forward Michael Raffi on their roster. I think... the rest of the roster is filled out with a couple of the Von Trapp kids all grown up and members of the national broomball team, not gonna lie. 12 pm ET, CBC.

Patrick Chan had a bit of a stumble in his short program on Thursday and that, coupled with a world-record performance by the first place holder, Yuzuru Hanyu of Japan, means second-place Chan has a next to impossible task when it comes to climbing into first in men's figure skating. Unless something incredible and unforeseen happens. No, I am not looking at you, Jeff Gillooly. 10 am ET, on TSN.

The skeleton competition is insane. On your stomach, head first, hurtle down the side of an icy mountain track at speeds of up to 130 kmh and under forces of up to 5 G. How scary is that? George Clooney and Sandra Bullock are right now making a movie about two skeleton racers tethered together and drifting hopelessly through an empty snowboard half-pipe. But, I digress. Sarah Reid and Melissa Hollingsworth slide for Canada. 7:15 am ET, on Sportsnet One.

Ski Jumping is on tap with the Men's Large Hill competition. Wait, what? The Large Hill competition? Is there a Bunny Hill competition? Because I'd go in for that one. Just slide down the the back window of a snow-covered Nissan and launch yourself from the trunk while wearing your Super Slider Sno-Skates. And feel free. 12:30 pm ET, on Sportsnet One.

The Women's 15k Individual Biathlon has a bunch of Canadians competing. Rosanna Crawford, Zina Kocher, Megan Imrie and Megan Heinicke are all slated for this event. I'll remind you, as I did yesterday, that no American has ever won a medal in any biathlon event ever. They'd win more if you replaced the skis with ATVs and the targets with ten point bucks. Respectfully. 8:45 am ET, on Sportsnet.

If you don't like any of that, let me give you the overview for tonight's episode of "Sochi Seinfeld," on 3CP1: Jerry and George set out to prove that a Romanian speed skater is tampering with opponents' latex bodysuits. Elaine worries that she's starting to find Vladimir Putin attractive. Kramer gets a job at the Athletes' Village condom dispensary.

Here's the entire viewing schedule