Sochi 2014: What to watch, Day 14 (February 21)

Yee haw, Canada! A double gold day. Thank you, ladies, it is much appreciated.

So, a media friend of mine thinks Canada's gold medal in women's curling was in the bag, due to Jennifer Jones' choice in make-up.

Wowsers! Good call and even better on the punning, Pulfer. Perhaps now you can shoot me a plot detail or two for Sochi Seinfeld (latest episode at the bottom of the page). I'm running out of ideas.

Basking in the glow, basking in the glow, basking in the glow. That's what we're all about, in Canada, at the moment. Curling gold, hockey gold. Only thing that could have made that better would be if we had all rolled up the rim and won donuts at exactly the same time!

That was so much fun, let's do it again. Fellas?

Brad Jacobs and his musclebound Northern Ontario team are front and centre, in the morning, on Day 14. Sights set on gold in men's curling. If they get it, Canada will become the first nation to ever score gold in both men's and women's curling at the same Olympics. Want a primer before this game happens? I've got one for you here, and it's filled with lots of numbers and stuff. As well, it features some comments from Jones' significant other, Brent Laing, who stops short of suggesting the men wear some gold eyeshadow. Couldn't hurt, I say. 8:30 am ET, on CBC.

Semi-final action in men's hockey is on tap, too. Canada tries to take another chunk out of American shinny pride. I know, I know. We barely got by the Latvians (can't believe I had to just write that). Doesn't matter. The Americans won't have an AHL goaltender, trying to prove something, between the pipes. No one asked me, but... if this gets to a shootout, I suggest sneaking Marie-Philip Poulin into the line up. 12 pm ET, on CBC.

The other semi has Finland taking on Sweden at 7am ET, on TSN. Are the Finns still game after defeating their hated rivals, the Russians? Are they available to play, or were they all arrested by Putin for showing pride in their work during that game? Or for blasting Pussy Riot tunes at full volume in the dressing room after the win?

Women's ski cross goes at 2:45 am ET, on CBC. Those are the qualifiers. If anyone survives, the finals will go at 4:30 am ET, also on CBC. Canada's reigning world champ Kelsey Serwa is in this thing and the way it's been going for Canadian women lately, I like her chances. Or maybe I'm just greedy.

Let's pile it on, girls. The women's slalom is on tap and Canada's Marie-Michèle Gagnon, Erin Mielzynski and Brittany Phelan are expected to take part. Get 'em all! Get 'em all! GET ALL THE MEDALS!!!! Qualifying at 7:30 am ET, on Sportsnet. Finals, at 11 am ET, On Sportsnet, too. Not Sportsnet 2... there is no such thing, I don't think. Unless there's been a rebranding or another Rogers takeover of... never mind. It's on Sportsnet, also. Good. We're done here.

Both the men and the women have at it at the speed skating oval, in the team pursuit competitions. Denny Morrison, Lucas Makowsky and Mathieu Giroux try to defend Canada's gold medal in this event from 2010. 8:25 am ET, on TSN2. Not TSN, too. Never mind. Gee, I hope the Dutch can do well here, be nice to see them win something in speed skating.

We need more gold, folks. Right now, we're in third place in the number of gold medals won. You know what that means. If the Olympics ended today, we'd only get a bronze in getting gold.

Tonight, on Sochi Seinfeld, on 3CP1 TV:

"Elaine purchases a lucky loonie at auction for J.Peterman, but mistakenly uses it in a vending machine. Kramer travels to Minsk to see if he can find the real 'Rochelle, Rochelle.' Jerry and George sneak into a V.I.P. government sauna."

Here is the complete viewing guide for Day 14.