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Sochi 2014: What to watch, Day 10 (February 17)

First, the bad news: There are no speed skating events on tap for Day 10. Now, the good news: There will be more, beginning on Day 11 and that means more Steve Armitage. Now, I know this isn't exactly a fresh bulletin, but it bears repeating. Steve Armitage is a pro's pro and his sensational calls at the speed skating oval are once again the announcing highlights of the Winter Olympics. Nobody, but nobody, can paint the masterpieces he can and he does it constantly. What gravitas. If Steve Armitage did a dramatic reading of "The Little Engine That Could," we'd all jump from our chairs at the moment of that little train's triumph and then fall to the floor, a sobbing mess. Gold medal announcing.

Here are the highlights for your Monday Olympic viewing. Once again, the synopsis for the latest episode of "Sochi Seinfeld" can be found at the bottom of the page.

Day 10 at Sochi features the Canadian women's hockey team and its quest for a fourth straight gold medal at the Olympics. In semi-final action, the defending champs take on the Swiss. A cheesier writer than I would opt for some imagery whereby Canada is able to find the many holes in the Swiss defence. Not me. Instead, I'll go for a "Deep Impact" analogy. Look, Canada and the U.S. are going to meet in the gold medal game and nothing can be done to stop that. You know it, I know it and Tea Leoni knows it. 12 pm ET, on CBC.

In a similar vein, if you'd like to see the United States women dismantle their semi-final opponent, Sweden, you can do that, too. Okay, okay. A little more respect for the Swedes. They did, after all, beat the U.S. at the 2006 Olympics, earning a silver medal after losing to Canada in the gold medal game. It's the only time in the history of women's Olympic hockey that the gold and silver didn't go to Canada and the U.S. 7:30 am ET, on CBC.

Both of Canada's curling teams have cemented spots in the semi-finals. So, ease off on the hurrying and the harding for a spell, folks. The women's side, skipped by Jennifer Jones, is a perfect 8 and oh. With first place in the round robin all sewn up, the only questions remaining are whether they can finish up with a perfect record and have they begun practicing their podium waves? Canada's final round robin game is against South Korea. 10 am ET, on TSN2

With the short programs in the books, time to cut loose. Footloose. The ice dance free skate sees Canada's Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir looking to boogie their way to the top of the podium the way they did in 2010. On Sunday, commentator Kurt Browning described one couple's performance as "oily" and "oozy." Sounds like something Gene Simmons would say at the Adult Film Awards but coming from Browning, it sounded much more technical than creepy. Look, far be it for me to tell ice dance pros how to go about their business, but may I suggest something? Bust out the Funky Cold Medina and the Spartan cheerleader outfits and go all Will Ferrell/Cheri Oteri. No one can resist the perfect cheer. 9:55 am ET, on TSN.

With Dominique Maltais snagging a silver for Canada in women's snowboard cross, time for the men to step up. Or, rather, step down. As fast as is humanly possible. Men's snowboard cross features some of the most aggressive people at the Olympics as competitors go down the hill in numbers of up to six at a time and make no apologies for cutting the others off without a second thought. It's like rush hour Toronto driving, only with fewer middle fingers. Chris Robanske, Robert Fagan, Jake Holden and Kevin Hill are scheduled to go for Canada. Qualifying at 1:55 am ET, on Sportsnet. Finals are at 4:25 am ET, on Sportsnet and CBC.

Freestyle skiing returns to our screens which means we get more Peacock and Bean! That does sound like the name of an artisan coffee shop in Vancouver's Yaletown District, but it's actually the duo of commentators who handle the play by play (twist by twist?) for all the high flyers. Mitch Peacock and Jeff Bean do a terrific job of describing the ass-over-tea kettle action and they'll ooh and ahh over the exploits of the men's aerials. 8:30 am ET, on Sportsnet. The finals are at 12:15 pm ET, again on Sportsnet. I'm still waiting for the day they combine this event with rifle shooting. Modern biathlon. Imagine the challenge of doing a triple flip with a double twist, sticking the landing and immediately raising your rifle to fire at a target 200 metres away. Of course, I wouldn't want to be in the viewing gallery for that one.

Now, the description of tonight's Sochi Seinfeld episode on 3CP1, taken directly from the Russian TV Guide: "Jerry suspects the woman he is dating may actually be an undercover operative with a state spy agency. Kramer and Newman set up a bus tour of unfinished Olympic structures. Elaine gets an eye infection after she and Bob Costas mistakenly swap scarves."

Here is the complete viewing guide for Day 10.