December 29, 2010
The fact that 2010 was such a banner year for Jersey Fouls makes us both happy to have entertained you and undeniably concerned about the future of humanity ...
Oh, maybe that's too dire an assessment. The truth about Jersey Fouls is that we do consider it a study and/or exploration of this sports fashion phenomenon. While we take pleasure in pointing and laughing at the dumbass in the "Gretski 69" sweater, we also want to know why it exists. Not all Fouls are FAILS; some manage to meet our rather ill-defined standards of compliance.
We thank you for your constant support of this series, both in readership and in participation. We receive Jersey Foul emails every day, and we're honored you'd think of us when you see a heinous sweater at the rink. If you ever have something to submit, please email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Coming up, what we consider to be the Top 10 Greatest Jersey Fouls of 2010.
And here ... we ... go.
10. It was a very tough competition to make the last cut, but this Pittsburgh Penguins jersey snuck into the No. 10 spot. Mark H. has the details:
I was at the season ticket holder open house at the new Consol Energy Center a while back, and I spotted this guy wandering around the gift shop. At first, I had no idea what his motivation was for wearing a tongue-twister like that, but needless to say I snapped a picture as soon as I could. After a quick google search, apparently IITYWYBMAB stands for "If I Tell You, Will You Buy Me A Beer?"
So, this went from a head scratcher to a hilarious jersey.
And something that might be a PASS under the provisions of the Creativity Clause. Which, in fact, was triggered by this Foul as well:
9. From Puck Buddy Brian F.:
I didn't realize it at the time, but according to my brother, Eric, they're some numbers having to do with the TV show "Lost." What "Lost" and professional early-round chokers have to do with each other, I have no idea. What made it more Foul was the fact that he was sipping his Bud Light through a straw.
For the uninitiated, the numbers above feature prominently on 'Lost," so this is a geek-tastic Foul.
It's also our lone representative from the San Jose Sharks; please know that they had so many Fouls we could have made a teal-based Top 20.
8. Not all Jersey Fouls are hockey sweaters. We've had suits. We've had prom dresses. And here, we had a first from Puck Buddy Brian H., who explained this Chicago Blackhawks vision of beauty:
I attended Milwaukee's Germanfest. After a few Doppelbocks I saw what appeared be a Dirndl with a Hawks logo on it. Upon further inspection I found these four lovely young ladies with their custom made Blackhawks Dirndl jerseys.
Save your ice girls; give us four bawdy beer goddesses with Das Boot in their hands any day of the week.
7. Puck Buddy Jason C. sent over this completely bizarre Steven Stamkos(notes) Foul that seems to have been introduced into our world from an alternate universe; as if Barry Melrose traveled back in time and drunkenly stepped on a butterfly.
6. From Eddie Bonelli, who snapped this image during the Pittsburgh Penguins' visit to the Phoenix Coyotes this season:
Hey, I'm perfectly sure this qualifies as a foul. Some guy at a Pens/Coyotes game wearing a jersey saying his name, which looks like a troublesome name for his kid to spell, followed by ‘I am Mario Lemieux's Love Child.' 90% of the fans at a Coyotes home game were cheering for the Pens and wearing their sweaters but this one stood out like a fat stripper in a casino.
Wayward Yinzer was a reference to being a displaced Pittsburgher (aka "Yinzer"). The rest of it sort of makes us sad. We can only hope Mario Lemieux saw this Foul and reconciled with his long lost son that he apparently fathered when he was about 3 years old.
5. Philip K. from Black & Blue & Gold sent over this Buffalo Sabres "IVANKOV" Frankenjersey Foul that's admittedly clever but ultimately a FAIL. Plus, we had to give him demerits for not carrying through the theme, as he apparently didn't attend the game solo.
No truth to the old wives' tale that if you wear this jersey enough you'll go blind. But we will confirm that this guy is a jerk.
4. Via SnipeDangle, one of the creepiest Fouls we've ever seen. And no, we're not talking about Mrs. Osgood.
3. These Pittsburgh Penguins/Washington Capitals Fouls for the Ages were just spotted at Verizon Center last week, as Sidney Crosby(notes) and Mike Green(notes) sweaters were transformed into a heinous FrankenJersey featuring arch rivals.
The first one was sort of clever if you think about it from a Winter Classic perspective: The '5' from Mike Green, the '7' from Sidney Crosby ... a '57' for Heinz Field. But then the remnants were turned into a companion jersey that's a FAIL of epic proportions.
An anonymous commenter offered this context on the original post:
These 2 are friends of a friend. While definitely a major jersey foul, it may help to explain their Pens/Caps fandom.
They both grew up in Pittsburgh and were Pens fans there. They became Caps season ticket holders after moving down here 20 some years ago. So they've kept they're allegiance to both teams.
Sorry, but you simply can't put your peanut butter in your jelly like that. These two allegiances may coexist in the heart, but can not exist on the chest.
2. We publish unfortunate misspellings in almost every J-Fouls post. This is also probably not the first time Jamie Langenbrunner's(notes) name has been mangled on a sweater. But this Foul was from a rather monumental moment in U.S. hockey history: The announcement of the 2010 Winter Olympic men's hockey team after the Winter Classic in Fenway Park.
The New Jersey Devils captain didn't mind. After all, life is too short to get bent out of shape over such matters when there's a gold medal to lose and a 2010-11 Devils season to watch circle the toilet.
And finally ...
1. The Queen of the Fouls for 2010.
This FAIL FAIL FAIL brings us all the way back to January, when this Florida Panthers fan's jersey exploded onto the scene. Matt D. and Josh L. ... er, "spotted" it and sent it in.
We still have to imagine it was some kind of promotional tie-in. We also have to imagine wearing this in public with a young fan around takes a special kind of shamelessness.
As we said at the time: "Heck of a Foul. And based on the multiple sightings, surprisingly easy to locate ..."