Tue Dec 07 06:14pm EST
CBC Sports commentator and Canadian icon Don Cherry attended the inaugural meeting of the new city council as a special guest of Toronto mayor Rob Ford today at City Hall, and delivered a speech for the ages. Or maybe the aged. One of the two. Or both.
Torontoist has the full transcript of Cherry's celebration of Ford and his screed against pinko leftists, bicycles and enemies of 100-year old trees. (Audio of the speech is here, via Deadspin.) Here are five things we learned through that speech:
1. Wearing a pink suit is the ultimate form of protest.
Cherry stood before the gathered masses wearing one of his classic suits: a pink monstrosity that makes him look like the best man at a gay Bahamian wedding. But it's not just a suit, people: It's a way to protest "pinkos" and/or pinko newspaper writers who dare call Don Cherry "a jerk in a pink suit."
2. Pinkos ride bicycles.
This is evidently the preferred mode of transportation for communist sympathizers, so please confiscate your children's bicycle and/or bicycle paraphernalia before they spark a red menace in their elementary school.
3. Don Cherry is a famous, good-looking guy.
We know this because the Ford people were looking for a "famous, good-looking guy" and Cherry told them, "I'm your man, right?"
4. Pinkos smoke pipes.
Cherry told a story about a little old lady and a 100-year-old tree and how City Hall wouldn't respond to her pleas to save the tree but Ford did and that's why "he's gonna be the greatest mayor this city has ever, ever seen, as far as I'm concerned!" He then told the pinkos to stick all of this in their pipe and smoke it, which we can only assume includes the 100-year-old tree (mmmm, finely aged ...). Moral of the story: Don Cherry will be hosting Coach's Corner at 100 years old.
5. If you invite Don Cherry to give a speech, you get a Don Cherry speech.
Or as Grapes told the Toronto Star: "Don't invite me. You don't invite a pit bull. If you want a pit bull, you get a pit bull."
UDPATE: Cherry speech, in all its glory: