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Last week, the Columbus Blue Jackets debuted a new alternate mascot to go along with their new alternate sweaters: Boomer the Cannon, described as "a kid-friendly, cushy cannon character with a friendly face and fluffy moustache reminiscent of a Civil War-era general." 

Alas, it also resembled something else in the eyes of Brian Hickey and the readers at Deadspin. No, not a diner-quality salt shaker; male genitalia!

(No word if Columbus ever considered a pair of cannonball-shaped minions for Boomer ...)

Most hilariously, the online mockery for the "cushy cannon" led to Tom Reed of the Columbus Dispatch (via Twitter) to get a formal statement from the BJs in which they stand tall with their phallic mascot:

[Blue Jackets] spokesman tells Dispatch the club has no plans of scrapping its secondary mascot Boomer, whose phallic shape has drawn some criticism.

Kids have responded well to Boomer, spokesman said. The mascot will appear for home games when team wears its third jersey

Criticism? Do you know how many Boomer dolls are going to be sold as goof gifts at Valentine's Day? Heck, forget the elementary school appearances for Boomer; there's gold in them thar plushy conventions!

All that said: Never before in our lives have we wanted someone to be a Columbus Blue Jackets fan more than we want Pam Anderson to be one right now, given her mascot history. 

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