WARNING: This post contains spoilers for The Ultimatum: Queer Love.
In the end, Yoly had the toughest choice on The Ultimatum: Queer Love.
After giving her girlfriend Mal an ultimatum, Yoly found love with her first trial marriage partner Xander so choosing to be with Mal would mean also saying no to exploring a life with Xander. In the finale, Mal proposed and Yoly said yes, even if she seemed less sure when reuniting with Xander for one final talk. Then during the reunion, we learned that Yoly ultimately did not end up with either.
Below, Yoly tells EW about falling for Xander, how things ended with Mal, what she took away from her time on The Ultimatum: Queer Love, and more.
Netflix Yoly on 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love'
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What do you remember about your first dates with Xander?
YOLY: When I first met Xander I thought she was not interested in me. She seemed aloof. But through our dating process we started to see how aligned we were.
When did you know you'd fallen in love with Xander?
It was incremental. More than once we had different interviews at different times and she would come back from working out and have a water bottle filled for me. One time she made me carrot fries so I would eat before my interview. The carrot fries were a big thing. All my friends heard about the carrot fries. She was such a lighthouse for me during this chaotic experience where there's dog stuff going on and we were living in our corner peacefully and happily together. It was really beautiful.
How difficult was it for you to balance really trying when you reunited with Mal and what you had built with Xander?
Really hard. Mal is a wonderful person who I wanted to spend my life with. I will not find anybody like Mal, but I did not think I would find the chemistry I did with Xander. What we had was very different. At the same time, me and Mal had lots of therapy. We started six months into our relationship because I'm a big advocate of therapy if you're serious, not because anything was wrong. We tried everything and it still wasn't aligning. We had moved to Seattle, broken up, gotten back together. Then I met Xander and so much was aligning.
Netflix Yoly Rojas and Xander Boger on 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love'
You say yes to Mal's proposal. What was going through your mind during that moment?
Three weeks was not enough time to sort through the problems that we had. Apparently three and a half years was also not enough time. When she was saying beautiful words and I got the outcome I wanted from The Ultimatum, it just didn't feel right. As beautiful as what she said was, why did it take me falling in love with somebody else for you to propose. Did seeing you almost lose me make you want to propose? In that moment, I'm regretting giving Mal the ultimatum and putting her in that position, but I am thankful for the outcome.
After getting engaged, you meet with Xander. Can you talk to us about that moment?
It's not that I wanted to run away with Xander necessarily. That would have been chaotic at the time because we both needed time to sort ourselves out. It was a matter of Xander representing a lot of things I was compromising within myself to be with Mal. And I was like, Am I making the right decision? It was terrible and tough. I didn't know if I would ever see Xander again.
What did you learn about yourself in this process?
I realized that I rationalize people's red flags. When I first met her she told me she's emotionally unavailable, but I'm in love with Mal and now we're all over here on the TV show. I should have just trusted what she said, so I've been a lot more aware meeting people where they are at. There's no more ultimatums. I'm more selective and I'm dating myself, so the next I'm with someone it's going to be it.
Netflix Mal Wright and Yoly Rojas on 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love'
In the reunion, you reveal that you and Mal broke up after your got engaged on the show. What happened?
We were together for three weeks [after the show] then we had a friend's wedding in Mexico. When in Mexico, she had a one-way ticket back to her parents where she stayed for up to two months. In that time, she let me know that she was moving out. It was just apparent that we're going to keep harming each other and causing more distress to each other. It just was not gonna be it.
You and Xander mention meeting up again after the show. Can you share what happened with the two of you after we last saw you together in the finale?
After the show, me and Xander would touch base. We were still there for each other as a sounding board about what we were going through, so we continued to be in conversation for a little bit then stopped for a while to reevaluate where we were at. Then it made sense to meet up and it just made sense because I had Coachella tickets. It was kind of the halfway point for us with Xander in Hawaii. Nobody knows who we were at the time. But upon meeting, we just had some much healing to do. She was getting out of her own relationship and I was coming out of a three-and-a-half year relationship and a broken engagement. Being in a relationship together wasn't the right decision.
What does it mean to you as an LGBTQ person to have this show exist?
I hope that it is helpful for anybody who is watching. That they see you can be 42 and still be figuring things out or you can 24 and know what I want. There's a variety in all of us. I think I would have come out sooner had I known that lesbians can look like this. I thought I wasn't gay because I didn't have the short haircut and the flannel because that's what came up when you look it up on Google. I hope that this gives people encouragement to be whoever they are and not let anyone tell you any different.
All episodes of The Ultimatum: Queer Love are streaming now on Netflix.
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