Who should call the Home Run Derby now that Chris Berman is out?

The Major League Baseball Home Run Derby is about to undergo one massive change. Chris Berman is taking a reduced role over at ESPN. On top of no longer hosting his usual NFL shows, Berman will relinquish his role as the voice of the Derby. With Berman now out, MLB and ESPN will have to go back, back, back, back, back to the drawing board in order to find a new host.

We here at The Stew think we can help. We’ve heard our fair share of broadcasts over the years, and think we can recommend some exceptional replacements for Berman. With that in mind, we asked our writers to come up with their best pick for Berman’s successor. Instead of bumblin and stumblin their way through this exercise, they delivered.

Keep in mind many of these selections are merely our writers living out some fantasies. A number of the names mentioned below have no chance of becoming the next Home Run Derby announcer. You don’t have to take all the submissions seriously, but you can’t deny some of them would be extremely entertaining.

Let’s dive right into it.

BARRY BONDS
Instead of trying to replace Chris Berman’s unbridled enthusiasm, why not try a seismic shift in style to a commentator not remotely excited by the proceedings? No one would be less impressed by a barrage of home runs than the guy who hit more than anyone else in history.

After being fired just one year into his tenure as the Miami Marlins hitting coach, Bonds would be looking for something to throw a 17 percent effort into. With an immense knowledge base and no desire to share it with the audience, the legendary slugger would bring an air of mystery rarely seen in the broadcast booth.

Bonds would truly shine showing disdain for wall-scrapers and making it absolutely clear the players on the field don’t compare to his greatness.

Catch phrase: “He is not even close to me.” (Nick Ashbourne, Yahoo Sports Canada)

HARRY KALAS
I’m still holding out hope that Harry Kalas, the great gravel-throated voice of the Phillies, can someday be revived from the dead so he can take this job. But since that seems unlikely, I have a wild proposal. Instead of making a broadcaster call home runs for two hours, why don’t they shove one current and one former player into the booth? They can be home run guys, or even small ball dudes who are in awe of those giant homers. (David Eckstein just popped into my head.) They could switch off calling the homers for each batter.

And as far as catchphrase, this is where things get interesting. Instead of having just one stock call from year to year (the echoes of “BACK, BACK, BACK, BACK” will haunt my nightmares forever), why not change it up? Have fans suggest calls for the player-broadcasters, and have the broadcasters choose three finalists each. Then the fans can vote, with the winner to be revealed on the broadcast itself. Now *that* is something I’d look forward to watching. (Liz Roscher)

JIM ROSS
The Home Run Derby is a special event that requires a unique yet enthusiastic voice. Who is more unique or quite frankly capable of bringing the energy, creativity and soundbyte-ability than pro wrestling and combat sports announcer Jim Ross? The derby doesn’t necessarily require extensive baseball knowledge. It only requires the ability to describe and sometimes embellish massive home runs. That, my friends, is in J.R.’s wheelhouse. If you don’t believe me, spend a few minutes on Twitter watching the endless memes with his voiced attached to them.

If you’re looking for catchphrases, he already has several that could be tweaked for derby purposes. “He slobber-knocked that one to Orlando.” “As God as my witness, that baseball is broken in half.” Or even, “He whipped that baseball like a government mule.” If his only condition is being allowed to wear his cowboy hat, I say sign him up and turn him loose. (Mark Townsend)

VIN SCULLY
Will this happen? No, probably not. Would it be fantastic if it did, even once? Most certainly. Baseball loves Vin and will always want more Vin now that he’s left for retirement. And frankly, I think the combination of two different styles would be such fun to see. The Home Run Derby is, by nature, a bombastic type of event. It’s big and in-your-face and actually fit Berman and his “back, back, back, back, backs” quite well. Vin Scully is pretty much the opposite. He’s gentle, intelligent, poetic, with a knack of perfectly mixing play-by-play with storytelling. I could just imagine the scene next year in Miami:

“ … a big swing and, wow, that’s home run No. 68 for Giancarlo Stanton … Now, back to suits Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas used to wear in ‘Miami Vice.’ … There goes another one, No. 69 for Stanton … Did you know pastel silk shirts had never been as popular as they were when Crocker and Tubbs were on.”

Yes, that, give it all to me. (Mike Oz)

GUS JOHNSON
Who better to call the Home Run Derby than everyone’s favorite announcer: Joe Buck? Everyone loves him so much during the playoffs that you might as well just toss Buck straight into the Derby and watch as fans tune in to hear about how much he hates their favorite team’s player, the home runs that player hits and just joyful things in general. It will be a ratings bonanza!

OK, fine, my real answer is Gus Johnson. Please don’t send me nasty emails.

Johnson would be perfect for the event. He has a flair for the dramatic, and that lends itself pretty well to the Derby, especially the new bracket format where players go head-to-head. Imagine Mark Trumbo needing to hit three home runs with just 15 seconds left on the clock. Johnson would milk that for all it’s worth. And as far as a catchphrase goes, do you really think I’m going to come up with something better than what Johnson would give you on the spot? Hell no. That’s what makes him the ideal candidate to get the job. (Chris Cwik)

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Chris Cwik is a writer for Big League Stew on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at christophercwik@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @Chris_Cwik