Welcome the Saints to the ranks of the NFL's Sorry Six

There are plenty of ways to look bad in today’s NFL. Sure, you can lose, but you can also win without distinction, or you can stumble around in the muck with teams much worse than you. All of those will land you right here on our powerless rankings. Here they are, the NFL’s Sorry Six:

Cleveland Browns
Result: Lost to Miami, 30-24
Miami may have lost LeBron to Cleveland, but on Sunday they reached in and grabbed the city’s heart and pulled it out. Cody Parkey, who may well have been hanging out watching this very Facebook livecast last week, since he didn’t have a job, batted .500 as a field goal kicker. That’s not great, and it’s especially not great when you’ve got six total kicks, including one for the game-winner. It’s a shame, because Cleveland put together a halfway decent game, including a pick-six and the introduction of Terrelle Pryor as a superhero utility man. But in the end, their essential Clevelandness won out.
Next week: at Washington

New Orleans Saints
Last week: Lost to Atlanta 45-32.
You put 32 points on the board, you think you’ve got a decent chance, right? Nope. Welcome to the Saints D in the mid-2010s, where no lead is safe and fantasy scores of the opposing team can swing 10 points in an instant. Monday night was exactly what people have come to expect from New Orleans: a sterling Drew Brees passing game undone by a defense that looked like it was watching a Mardi Gras parade. As Business Insider notes, Brees now holds a dubious record: he’s got 98 300-yard passing games, most in NFL history, but he’s also got 34 losses in those games, also a record. (No. 2 in both categories? Peyton Manning.)
Next week: At San Diego.

San Diego Chargers
Last week: Lost to Indianapolis 26-22
What a way to lose. You think you’re all good, and then you let Andrew Luck, the Human Flip Phone, nail TY Hilton with 1:17 left for a 63-yard touchdown. Philip Rivers remains the best quarterback with the crappiest surrounding cast in NFL history. Melvin Gordon led the team with a monster 35 yards of rushing, which is about half of what Hilton rang up on that game-winner. The Chargers also lost linebacker Manti Te’o for the season with a torn Achilles; if only he had someone to help nurse him back to health.
Next week: Vs. New Orleans.

Jacksonville Jaguars
Last week: Lost to Baltimore 19-17
A last-second field goal has to be the worst way to lose a football game, right? You’ve kicked ass for 59 minutes, and then some dinky kicker comes in and pops it right over your head and, boom, seeya. The Jags lost in that most painful way on Sunday when Baltimore’s Justin Tucker booted the game-winner, and now have gone 0-3 for the third time in the last four years. Blake Bortles: interceptions in the first quarter of every game this season. Gus Bradley: 12-39. That’s like a waiter accidentally serving dog food every fifth plate. How much longer is he going to be around?
Next week: Vs. Indianapolis

Chicago Bears
Last week: Lost to Dallas 31-17
Let’s be honest here: does anybody really care about the Bears in Chicago right now? Forget kneeling for the anthem, this is a team that could set fire to the American flag and the Windy City wouldn’t care, so clenched are they about the impending Cubs playoff run. Which is a good thing for the Bears, because the fewer people that see this team, the better. Sunday night, they let a rookie-run Dallas team stomp them, putting up absolutely zero resistance. Chicago fumbled the ball four times, including twice by Hoyer. This is a very, very bad football team, and if Mike Ditka wasn’t so angry about everything else in America, he’d be spitting cigar flecks all over this team.
Next week: Vs. Detroit

Arizona Cardinals
Last week: Lost to Buffalo 33-18
Look, losing to Buffalo is bad enough. But losing in the way the Cardinals did, with zero effectiveness at any position? That’ll land you among the NFL’s Sorry Six. I’m not proud to say that I called the Cardinals as my preseason Super Bowl pick, and man, I know Week 3 is early to jump ship, but … come on, guys. The receiving corps had a decent afternoon, David Johnson had two touchdowns, but the issue was Carson Palmer. He threw four interceptions, took five sacks … that’ll kill ya.
Next week: Vs. Los Angeles.

Also receiving votes: Houston, Tennessee, Tampa Bay, Carolina, Pittsburgh D (letting a rookie hang 34 points on you?), Ryan Fitzpatrick (6 INTs, statistically Pro Football Focus the worst QB performance since 1989)

Dropping off the list: Seattle, Buffalo, Washington, LA Rams

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Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports and the author of EARNHARDT NATION, on sale now at Amazon or wherever books are sold. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.