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Toni Collette Eating With a Razor Handle Is Peak Celeb Instagram Culture

KRISTINA BUMPHREY
KRISTINA BUMPHREY

We already know that Toni Collette is in the funtime era of her career, where she’s less concerned about how meaty a role is and more taken with how much gelato she can charge to the production. More power to her, but that doesn’t always mean the result is going to be worth wasting our time on. Well, worth wasting your time on; I do believe that one day I’ll finally watch Dream Horse, and I think I’ll be better for it.

A much more worthwhile way of burning daylight with Collette is to keep tabs on her Instagram account, which I’m slowly becoming enamored with. I resisted following her for a few months. Sometimes, I find it best to keep a separation between myself and the artists I like best. It keeps the stars as stars, enigmatic personalities that disappear into their characters, instead of the other way around.

Toni Collette Is Clearly Having the Most Fun an Actress Can Have

But last week, I finally had to smash that follow button so hard that I’m sure it did some irreparable damage to the inside of my iPhone; I’ll only find out when I’m trying to film something important, only to have my phone burst into flames. But it’s so worth it. I cannot miss whatever the follow-up to Toni Collette eating yogurt with the back of a Venus razor will be.

Sorry, I’ll back up for a second. Last week, Collette took to her Instagram to show us the struggles of a jet-setting working actress, hopping from city to city. A GIF reading “Hotel life” seemed to caption a video of Collette, kneeling on the floor of her swanky hotel bathroom, laughing to herself as she uses the back end of a drug store razor as a spoon for her yogurt.

Now, most hotels do have spoons—especially the ones that have any sort of in-house dining component, like room service. But Collette is a woman on-the-go. There’s no time to call down to the front desk and ask for a spoon! Surely, she’s got someplace to be, and she needs her yogurt post-haste. And, if you’re wondering what kind of yogurt Toni Collette prefers, both she and I are linked by our love of GT’s foods. I could spot her shoveling their cacao-flavored coconut yogurt from the pixelated screenshot of the back of the nutrition label alone. And they say investigative journalism is dying!

And it’s not just that one Instagram story, either. Collette’s entire account is a comedy gold mine. I particularly enjoyed a recent post, which is simply just a screenshot of her Notes app, with a note that reads, “People are amazing. I love people.” No idea whether Collette intended this to be almost a direct quote from Brendan Fraser’s oft-repeated affirmation in The Whale or not, but I enjoy the potential crossover. Toni Collette for The Whale 2: Back to the Ocean!

Everything on her Insta account is a blessing. They are the sweetest of nothings. They are little gifts, dispatched out from where Collette is in the world at that time. As I write this, she’s posted up somewhere, sipping an Aperol spritz on her story. Other times, she’ll hit us with beautiful shots from London and Rome. Sometimes, she’ll just toss up a pic of the blue sky, reminding us to stop and admire the world. It’s equal parts wacky and lovable, how every celebrity should be using their Instagram.

Watching Collette post is probably like watching Botticelli paint: mesmerizing, like she’s probably unaware of how much joy it will give people for years to come. And it would seem as though the actress is finding social media as an outlet of joy for herself, too. Collette reactivated her account in December, after a lengthy hiatus, essentially as a platform to announce her divorce from her husband in a joint statement.

A few days before that, however, Collette’s first post back was a selfie of her, looking longingly out the window of a bus, and holding a paper cup that says “Happy Birthday” on it. No indication of whose birthday it was, or what was holding her glance outside of the bus—that’s all part of the mystique. Collette captioned that post by saying, “I’m back.” To that, I say, please, don’t ever leave us again.

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