After posting my first ever article for Yahoo Sports back in August of this year, a co-worker caught me checking the comments on my piece.
“Whatever you do, don’t look at the comments on Yahoo articles,” he said. “It’s a toxic place.”
Needless to say, I didn’t listen to him. Going from being read by only a handful of people while writing for my university’s athletic department to having my work seen by thousands, I was intrigued by what people had to say. I quickly became aware that some aren’t too fond of my sarcastic, casual approach to providing commentary on topics in the sports world. Meanwhile, others simply didn’t get the fact that I’m rarely being serious while attacking a keyboard.
So, for your pleasure, I’ve rounded up the most hilarious comments my 140+ articles in 2018 received.
Buckle up. It’s going to get bumpy.
Note: The dates on comments are based on when the screenshots were taken.
Unklebuk doesn’t like face tattoos
One of the first article I got some flak for was a little piece I put together based on a video we produced. While at the BioSteel Camp in Toronto, we asked a few NHLers what they would have tattooed on their face if they were forced to get something put there. Face tattoos have been a common trend in hip hop music this year and we wanted to get the answers to the important questions hockey fans were asking.
In the article that contained the video with the players we interviewed, I may have jokingly called Lil Pump, Lil Xan and 6ix9ine “generational talents” who have been “covering their faces like unsupervised toddlers with a pack of markers.” Clearly, my buddy Unklebuk wasn’t a fan of my lightheartedness.
Nonetheless, I took the advice and began sending out resumes to a number of restaurants in the area the very next day. Four months later, I’m still waiting for responses.
(By the way, check out the 15 ‘up’ votes on that comment. Well done, Unklebuk. You’re really saying what the people want to hear.)
TINY felt the need to comment about his hate… twice
This work by TINY is some of my favourite ‘fan mail’ that I received this year. After Gritty, the new mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers, attacked a few goaltenders dressed like Santa during an intermission in the middle of December, I wrote that this “orange, fluffy ball of hate” needs to be stopped. Furthermore, I explained that I couldn’t be the one to do it because I am so terrified of him that he impacts my ability to sleep at night.
Clearly, my good friend TINY didn’t pick up on my sarcasm. Let me set the record straight: I’m pretty tough, alright? I could take Gritty any day.
What makes this so great is the fact that TINY posted an initial comment, sat back, thought about it for a second and then felt the need to write more about their hatred of my story. The image of that is just hilarious to me; however, I must say that I really appreciate the passion.
Sadly, I don’t plan to take grammar advice from someone that decided to begin a sentence with “you are afraid still cause”. Clearly I’m no expert, but I believe there are some issues there.
Teamwork makes the dream work
In a world that seems to be so divided, I was happy to see a couple of complete strangers agree that I’m someone that “thrives on the negative stuff” to earn my readership. I guess my list of the top sports social media fails in 2018 wasn’t appreciated.
I love when readers use my full name in a comment. It makes it all so personal and cut that much deeper. On the flip side, being in the same sentence as one of the most respected writers working for Yahoo Sports is quite the honour.
Looks like a swing and a miss on this one, Sluggerr.
Face tattoos, part two
Remember that face tattoos article I brought up earlier? It turns out that Unklebuk wasn’t the only one that wasn’t a fan.
Why even bother to read things when you know the writer is a moron, right?
I have a brother named Rick. He hasn’t admitted to being the expert wordsmith behind this comment just yet, but I think I can get him to break soon.
I’ve been writing for the wrong publication this entire time
Come on, Arch. This is just a knock on the fine writers over at “teen girls monthly”. There’s no way that what I’m capable of would even give me a chance to work there.
I get it. You’re a little mad that I said all of Kawhi Leonard’s accomplishments in the NBA “pale in comparison” to appearing on Drake’s Instagram page in mid-December. But seriously, did his 2013-14 NBA Finals MVP get nearly 1.3 million ‘likes’?
Yeah, I didn’t think so.
‘Likes’ are the only thing that matter in today’s society, Arch. Wake up and smell the roses, bud.
Face tattoos, part three
So, I guess people really aren’t all that interested in the opinions of NHL players on face tattoos.
Not to worry, VegasBiker. My mother rips both me and my father about this two to three times a week.
“How to get tooled then get schooled at the same time”
Earlier this season, Elias Pettersson was impressing hockey fans with his game-breaking ability and giving NHL defenders fits. Florida’s Mike Matheson figured out a great way to slow down the young Swede, though: Just drive his head into the ice.
In a piece meant to make fun of Matheson for having no other way to defend Pettersson, many jumped to the defence of the Vancouver Canucks rookie. Compared to the rest of the comments I sifted through on this post, Ken’s rant was on another level.
He’s right. I don’t skate well at all. However, I was on a few championship house league squads while playing the game I love in beautiful Stratford, Ontario, Canada. If I remember correctly, I finished first in icings and accidental shot blocks every season I laced ’em up.
Tell me the time and the place, Ken. I’d love to “see first hand how to get tooled then get schooled at the same time…” As long as it isn’t some prison thing, I’m curious to find out what that means.
An absolute classic
I get things to this effect all of the time. Sometimes I write about serious news such as the implications of Vegas signing blueliner Shea Theodore to a long-term deal in September. Other days, I write about Brandon Sutter’s response to Patrik Laine’s chirp having to do with the Vancouver Canucks Fortnite ban.
I get paid to write about both things the same.
Hell, if you can believe it, I got paid to write this!
Best comment of the year
I want to give a special shoutout to Bob. He posted this hilarious comment on a story I wrote about Danny Green of the Toronto Raptors being a little confused with how bagged milk works in Canada.
That’s just trolling at its finest.
Reach out next time
Working for Yahoo Sports over these last few months has been incredible. Having people take out the frustrations of their lives on my work has truly been a blessing. I appreciate all of those who have read what I’ve had to say and composed comments articulating their opinions on the topic or the article’s writer (good or bad).
However, sometimes the valuable things that you have to say don’t get seen. Thankfully, I have a solution. The next time you want to tell me to get a new career or remind me that I’m an idiot, reach out to me on Twitter. My handle is @stantemming.
Unless my bosses take the advice of Yahoo readers and realize that this career (as Unklebuk so nicely put it) is out of my reach, hopefully I’ll get to do this again near the end of 2019.