Rivalry week primer: Predictions for college football's biggest weekend yet

Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football (“OK, Cool. Hook ’em” T-shirts sold separately in Austin):

[More Dash: Coaching carousel | OSU-Michigan | Worst teams]

SECOND QUARTER

YOUR ALL-PURPOSE RIVALRY WEEK PRIMER

It is with great sadness that The Dash relays this report from Deadspin, which reveals that the most hilarious moment of the entire season didn’t really happen this past Saturday: Harvard running back Devin Darrington (11) did not flip off a Yale defensive player on his way to the end zone. Turns out it was merely an index finger, not the flipper finger.

Alas.

There would be nothing better than a Harvard-Yale football obscenity controversy. Two of the upper-crustiest Ivy League universities having an Egg Bowl-style athletic beef was too good to be true, so we are forced to move on to where the real heat and hate will be found this holiday week.

There are no fewer than 20 FBS rivalry games worth talking about — and, to a greater or lesser extent, worth watching. The Dash will get to Michigan-Ohio State later, since it is a rivalry showdown worthy of its own quarter. Here is the rest of the rivalry rundown, neatly catalogued for your reading ease and pleasure:

Hatred for hate’s sake (12): Mississippi State at Mississippi. The emotions accompanying this year’s Egg Bowl are less toxically raw than a year ago, when the Rebels were winding their way through the latter stages of the NCAA justice journey and the Bulldogs were in no small part involved in that investigation. But this game is very much Ole Miss’ bowl game because of that ruling, which slapped a 2018 postseason ban on the program. Underdog road team has won the last two meetings, but that won’t happen this time with the visiting Bulldogs favored by 10. Dash pick: Mississippi State 31, Ole Miss 28.

Hatred with a side of playoff implications (13): There are several rivalry games that could alter the College Football Playoff race.

Auburn at Alabama. Potential playoff team: Alabama. Aspiring spoiler: Auburn. Line: Alabama by 24½. This feels like the most lopsided Iron Bowl since Gene Chizik was on his way out at Auburn. The Crimson Tide is a massive favorite against a four-loss Tigers team that has been beaten thoroughly in two of its three road games. Maybe Auburn picked up some option wrinkles to try out against the Tide after watching The Citadel run for a shocking 275 yards Saturday in Bryant-Denny Stadium. Dash pick: Alabama 38, Auburn 17.

South Carolina at Clemson. Potential playoff team: Clemson. Aspiring spoiler: South Carolina. Line: Clemson by 25. Dabo Swinney has beaten the tar out of Will Muschamp twice in a row — a combined 90-17 — and this year may be no different. The Gamecocks have spiced up their offense, but they’re running up against America’s best defense in terms of yards allowed per play (3.77). Expect Clemson to hammer South Carolina’s pliant run defense with its battalion of running backs. Dash pick: Clemson 44, South Carolina 16.

Georgia Tech at Georgia. Potential playoff team: Georgia. Aspiring spoiler: Georgia Tech. Line: Georgia by 17. The Yellow Jackets have won four straight, completing a total of six passes in those four games — in other words, peak Paul Johnson. Their option offense could be problematic for a Bulldogs team that is on pace to allow its most yards per carry (4.12) since 2014. But the Georgia offense should be able to exploit the Tech defense in a number of areas. Dash pick: Georgia 42, Georgia Tech 31.

Washington at Washington State. Potential playoff team: Washington State. Aspiring spoiler: Washington. Line: Washington State by 3½. Winner also takes the Pac-12 North. Mike Leach has done a lot of great things on the Palouse, but beating the hated Huskies isn’t one of them. He’s lost five straight, all by double digits. But this is his best Wazzu team, and the home mojo has been strong, and this Washington team has been a disappointment. Dash pick: Washington State 30, Washington 24.

Central Florida at South Florida. Potential playoff team: UCF. Aspiring spoiler: USF. Line: UCF by 14½. The War for I-4 is a precocious young rivalry that produced the most entertaining regular-season game of 2017 — a 49-42 epic won by the Knights to keep their perfect season alive. This South Florida team is not as good as last year’s, but it’s unwise to expect Charlie Strong to be blown out in this setting (he’s 6-1-1 against the spread in his team’s biggest rivalry game). Dash pick: UCF 41, USF 38.

Arrogance-based hatred (14): Notre Dame at USC. Line: Notre Dame by 10½ (if anyone can find a time when the Fighting Irish were a bigger favorite in Los Angeles, holler at The Dash). Yes, there are playoff implications here as well. But the historic self-congratulatory nature of both schools puts this game in its own privileged category. The winner will fancy itself even more special. The loser will console itself by knowing it remains superior to the rest of America. As for the game itself, we’ll see how much the Trojans care about their tattered pride. Dash pick: Notre Dame 32, USC 17.

Hatred with a side of bowl implications (15): Rivalry games where one or both combatants have postseason hopes on the line.

Florida at Florida State. Line: Florida by 4½. The big storyline here is the 5-6 Seminoles’ bid to extend their NCAA-record consecutive bowl streak, currently at 36 years. That seemed like a long shot when FSU was 4-6 and coming off three straight blowout losses, but they kept hope alive with a comeback 22-21 win over Boston College on Saturday. Florida has its own motivation, having lost five straight to the Seminoles. Dash pick: Florida 24, Florida State 17.

Arizona State at Arizona. Line: ASU by two. The Sun Devils have scrapped their way to bowl eligibility at 6-5. The Wildcats are one win away at 5-6. Which first-year head coach gets his first taste of Territorial Cup glory? ASU is addicted to drama — eight of 11 games have been decided by one score. Arizona’s 4-2 home record and 1-4 road mark could be attributable to this stat — it has forced 13 turnovers at home this year and just two on the road. Dash pick: Arizona 28, Arizona State 27.

Purdue at Indiana. Line: Purdue by four. Both teams are 5-6, which is pretty much the ideal scenario for a mediocre rivalry — winner goes bowling and loser stays home. The Boilermakers’ season has been marked by a poor start, hot middle and staggering finish; not coincidentally they were a minus-7 turnover margin in the first and last segments of the season, and a plus-4 during the 4-0 middle. Is the Jeff Brohm-to-Louisville speculation weighing on the team the past couple of weeks? Dash pick: Purdue 35, Indiana 27.

Tennessee at Vanderbilt. Line: Vanderbilt by 3½. This is the same scenario as the Old Oaken Bucket game above — both teams are 5-6, with the winner going somewhere and the loser going nowhere. Vandy isn’t favored against the Volunteers often, and this spread is more a condemnation of Big Orange coming off a 33-point home loss to Missouri than a salute to the Commodores. Expect Vandy QB Kyle Shurmur’s home career to end on a positive note. Dash pick: Vanderbilt 30, Tennessee 24.

Hatred with a chance to further punish a beaten-down rival in their own stadium (16):

Kentucky at Louisville. Line: Kentucky by 17½. The Cardinals collapsed weeks ago, leading to the Nov. 11 firing of Bobby Petrino. That didn’t change things much in a 52-10 savaging from North Carolina State on Saturday. The Wildcats are the better team and out for blood after being routed in Lexington last year. Louisville fans may be dreading this game so much they don’t show up. Dash pick: Kentucky 42, Louisville 21.

North Carolina State at North Carolina. Line: NCSU by six. That’s a suspiciously small line, given the Wolfpack’s 7-3 record and the Tar Heels’ 2-8. Larry Fedora’s seemingly shaky job status hasn’t yielded much gossip around the industry, which indicates that athletic director Bubba Cunningham is keeping his own counsel to this point. The Wolfpack have won the last two meetings and three of the last four. Dash pick: North Carolina State 38, North Carolina 21.

Oregon at Oregon State. Line: Oregon by 14. The only flicker of resistance the Beavers have had in the last 10 meetings was a 2016 upset that got Mark Helfrich fired and served as the only high point of the Gary Andersen Era in Corvallis. This will be the third different coaching matchup in the last three years, but the same talent disparity. Dash pick: Oregon 43, Oregon State 27.

Hatred with an opportunity for a reversal of fortune (17): Two lopsided rivalries in which the oppressed seems due to defeat the oppressor.

Virginia at Virginia Tech. Line: Virginia by four. The Hokies have won the Commonwealth Cup a whopping 14 straight times, longest streak either side has had in a rivalry that dates to 1895. In the two matchups of Bronco Mendenhall vs. Justin Fuente, Virginia has scored a total of 10 points. But this is the worst defense in Bud Foster’s gilded tenure, and the best Cavaliers team since 2011 at least. Dash pick: Virginia 28, Virginia Tech 21.

Minnesota at Wisconsin. Line: Wisconsin by 10. The Paul Bunyan Ax has resided in Madison since 2004, and the last eight meetings haven’t really been close. But the Gophers are playing for bowl eligibility and looking for their first big win under boat-rowing P.J. Fleck against a disappointing Badgers team. Like Chris Cornell, The Dash is feeling Minnesota. Dash pick: Minnesota 24, Wisconsin 23.

Hatred with a side of artillery (18): You have to love it when the spoil of rivalry victory is an actual cannon.

Nevada at UNLV. Line: Nevada by 13½. The Wolf Pack are the hottest team in the Mountain West not named Boise State, on a four-game winning streak after a 3-4 start. The Rebels (3-8) are not hot. The Fremont Cannon will remain in Reno for a third straight year. Dash pick: Nevada 34, UNLV 17.

Hatred by necessity (19): Two schools in the same state with little else in common.

Illinois at Northwestern. Line: Northwestern by 18. Primary alumni battleground: Chicago. It seems antithetical to make a team an 18-point favorite when its biggest margin of victory this season is 14, but when six of the underdog’s seven losses are by 19 or more, it makes more sense. Northwestern has mastered the art of winning by just enough, whereas the Illini have mastered the art of either winning or losing big (nine of 11 games decided by 19 or more). Dash pick: Northwestern 35, Illinois 19.

BYU at Utah. Line: Utah by 13½. Primary alumni battleground: Salt Lake City. The Utes have owned the recent history, winning seven in a row, but not exactly in dominant fashion. Six of the seven have been decided by seven points or less. Kyle Whittingham has done miraculous work since losing his starting quarterback and leading rusher to injury, winning two more games and clinching the Pac-12 South. BYU is certainly improved over last year’s 4-9 debacle, but still an unpolished offensive product. Dash pick: Utah 25, BYU 21.

Expansion-contrived hatred (20): Border wars that conference expansion has turned into “rivalries.”

LSU at Texas A&M. Line: Pick ’em. The two programs have met enough times (56) to have a history, but it wasn’t until the Aggies joined the SEC that the seeds of an actually rivalry were planted. Jimbo Fisher has done the first thing any coach replacing Kevin Sumlin needed to do, and that’s to stop flopping in November. Now he needs to beat LSU, which Sumlin never accomplished in six tries. A&M is 7-4 but lacking a signature win; this would be it. Dash pick: Texas A&M 24, LSU 22.

Arkansas at Missouri. Line: Missouri by 21. The Tigers have won three straight, including smashing road victories over Florida (by 21) and Tennessee (by 33). Arkansas (2-9) is pitiful. Expect Mizzou senior quarterback Drew Lock to go out in a blaze of passing glory against the worst pass defense in the SEC. Dash pick: Missouri 44, Arkansas 21.

Maryland at Penn State: Line: Penn State by 13½. Like LSU-Texas A&M, the Terrapins and Nittany Lions have played a bunch of times — 41, to be exact, with Penn State winning an obnoxious 38 of them, with one tie. Hard to imagine the Terps having much juice left after that crushing loss to Ohio State, but they are still striving for bowl eligibility. Trace McSorley is another senior QB who figures to go out on a high note. Dash pick: Penn State 37, Maryland 21.

More from Yahoo Sports:
• Charles Robinson: QB’s injury a huge reason why Bell held out
• There hasn’t been a loss this bad in NFL history
• These are the bad QBs the Redskins are looking at
• Dan Wetzel: What the Condoleezza Rice rumors tell us about the NFL